From the long, long, loooong list of “social mores I honestly do not get”:
One cliché I seem to run across again and again is the idea that - at least for women - meeting someone who’s wearing the same outfit as you is… embarrassing somehow? How? Why?
I’d get it if the person was someone deeply unsympathetic and you’re worried about being mistaken for them, but surely that can’t happen often enough to make it a major concern. Someone suggested it was because you’d look less unique, but isn’t unoriginality basically the whole premise of the concept of fashion?
And is this something that actually happens in real life, or is tv lying to me yet again?
Yeah, something I don’t get either, Hermulen.
I was once at a VERY formal wedding, and another guest (of the 300!) was wearing the same floor-length, beaded black dress as I. Personally, I thought it was funny (and proof of my good taste) but she was so embarrassed, she left - and returned some time later in a different dress (!!)
Mental. Though I *did *look better in it…maybe that’s why she changed LOL! Women and fashion - something only gay men seem to really understand. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)
A friend and I showed up to a homecoming dance in the same dress. We laughed and joked about the others fabulous taste and took lots of pictures. I don’t get it either.
Yup. It’s embarrassing to the person who looks the worst in the same piece of clothing. Of course, ‘‘worst’’ is subjective, so two gorgeous women might wear the same thing and both be embarrassed, because they think the other looks better.
Personally I don’t think it would bother me that much. I’d probably find it amusing.
I think at least part of it is a hold over from ye olden (post industrial) days, when a woman of means would have her clothes custom made, but a woman without means was limited to buying premade clothes off the rack. Especially at a formal occasion like a wedding, there’s this silly social game where we pretend to be rich folks, even if we’re not, and having two copies of the same outfit present makes it blatantly obvious that the garment was purchased at a store, not from a seamstress.
It’s subtle and pernicious. I know when I find myself in that situation, I’m strangely aware of my buying experience, remembering when and where I got the outfit, and feel like the outfit is less “mine” and more “commercial”, although in reality of course I don’t give a rat’s ass about buying off the rack.
Pointing out a lack of individualism and tradition in which such a thing would only happen to a poor woman combine to make some wacky emotions, I think.
WhyNot, I think you’ve got it! That interpretation makes a lot of sense, and it would explain why some still choose to wear traditional costume at weddings etc - those outfits may look identical, but everyone knows they’re custom made (and insanely expensive).
I also don’t get it when women plan to go somewhere and ask each other “What are you wearing?” The only reason that question makes sense for me is if the formality of the event is in question, and the woman asking doesn’t want to wear jeans when everyone else is wearing a little black dress. But I used to have friends who would ask that question no matter what.
There may be a form of snobery involved. There’s that idea that a woman of wealth (and therefor certainly a “worthy” woman) would buy her clothing as one-of-a-kind items. If someone else has access to the same items it could be personalized that her thunder has been stolen.
I am very much aware of chosing what I wear each day, even if I’m not going to be leaving the house, as a reflection of the person I am and the tasks I will be performing that day. And in that sense my clothing is an extension of who I am. That’s a pretty personal idea.
That nasty sense of competition with other women is kept very much alive by our atmosphere of commercialism. We must have nicer skin, softer hair, more unique and flattering clothing. And that means money and sex - two winners in any culture whether we like to admit it or not.
Even if I’ve become aware of the message and refuse to buy into the divisiveness it still has that subtle power that unspoken social pressure can have.
I am sometimes saddened by this. After so much consciousness-raising that began when-so-very-long-ago the beast labors on in spite of our state of enlightenment. Bah.
This thread caught my eye because I had a meeting with a wise woman whom I hadn’t met before just this week and chose to wear white for the first time this summer (Another annoying rule we stil maintain awareness of) and there she was, waiting for me in nearly identical clothing.
We both gave each other an ironic smile and she said with a twinkle in her eye, “I see you got the memo.”
Heh.
(Actually I keep an eye open for women who dress similarly to me in anticipation that we may have things in common.)
Oddly enough, when we were kids, this was used so we could wear the same thing and be “twins.”
Now the legitimate reason I can think of besides the one offered above is to coordinate outfits if you’re dressing in some sort of theme. You know, like my girlfriend dressing in a blue dress, and me wearing a blue tie to match.
I observe that women often invest a lot of emotion into choosing a posh frock, and will not infrequently require several shopping trips before finding “the right one.” Then another trip or two to find the right accessories…shoes especially.
They then look forward to their first chance to wear it, and preen excessively for the big event. They then venture forth (late!) assured that they look divine.
Another woman in the same dress really harshes that buzz. The dress no longer makes them special. It may come down to the realization that it never did.
Another part of this idea is not wearing the same outfit to the same event more than once (staff Christmas parties especially, since it’s the same people year after year). I get that there’s no particular reason for me to buy a new outfit each year, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to be the woman who wears the same dress 10 years in a row! I don’t buy into all the girly stuff, but I don’t like wearing the same dress as someone else or the same outfit to the same event year after year.
ETA: Part of what I like about shopping for a new outfit each Christmas is trying to find the nicest outfit for the cheapest price - I like the challenge.
A co-worker of mine has a daughter who went to her prom this year. He was showing off the dress she’d chosen on the internet. Apparently, this website takes the girl’s school down when she orders the dress, then will not sell that same dress to someone from that school.
I think women dress to feel comfortable, attractive and to stand out. Two women wearing the same dress will naturally draw attention - it will tend to catch the eye, given the same shape, colour and style. I suspect they could feel embarrassed by that sort of attention - perhaps feeling foolish or that they’d made a mistake. Perhaps irrational (most of the men won’t notice, although most of the women will) - but that’s emotions for you!
When I go to a store, look at clothes, try things on, pay for them, bring them home, and eventually put the washed, pressed garment on - accessorized and coordinated with other pieces - when I go to a gathering and there’s some other woman there with MY new outfit - HEY, she’s wearing MY new outfit! That’s what I feel. Besides, I want to be unique! Men don’t understand this. If they have on shirts, pants, and shoes, they’re content. If they arrive somewhere and some other guy has their suit on, no big deal (that’s why the fashion police make such a fuss at, say, the Oscars, when some maverick tries to Make A Statement by wearing something other than a black tux with a white shirt. His job there is the be wallpaper for all the women, who all want to be unique.)
The real reason is simple, it shows the differences in women.
“The dress makes me look fat.” “It’s not my color” and so on and so on.
I recall when I was asked to stop wearing a tank top and shorts to a job I had. I would wear it to work and change into my uniform. I said to the H/R director, “Other people wear shorts and a tank top to work and change when they get here.” She said “Yes, Mark, they wear shorts and a tank top but not with the same results.”
I have a nice body and it caused talk while others with an average body no one cared about.
So if two women wear the same outfit it becomes immediately obvious which one has a better body and is more attactive. No more “it’s not my color” excuse
I’m sure, women being women, there is a burqa-related *fauz pass *. (“That bitch is wearing the same southwestern-pakistani knot in her headband as I am, now I look supid”).
