So, what's a picky eater to do?

In My Humble Opinion
41

Not much to add, except that you’re fighting tens of thousands of years of human behavior here. Food is a shibboleth - it’s a way we determine who’s part of our “tribe” and who isn’t. It’s not just fuel, nor just a social interaction. I know Kabuika is not American born and bred because she enjoys eating deep fried caterpillars. She knows I’m not Congolese, because I like raw sliced cucumbers. At a deep level, this is a way we observe and note people as “outsiders” and possibly threatening to us.

Can we get over it? Sure. That’s what rules and manners and civility is for, and that’s why those things change with time. We intellectually know now that the caterpillar guzzlers and the cucumber chompers can get along without threatening one another - but we know it at a different level, one that we have to work at to consciously control.

But I’ll be honest, there’s a deep dark cavewoman part of me that needs us to find *something *in common we both like to eat to feel entirely comfortable with you. Does that mean I’ll be rude about it if we can’t? No, but I do have to work at it not to say “What? How could you not like [insert food here]!?” and the subtext is “…and be like me?”

And, for the record, I’m a very gracious hostess. Not only do I make vegan, omni- and carnivore based *entrees *(as well as side dishes) at every dinner party, I make enough of each so that if everyone invited only ate vegan, or only ate carni-, there’d be enough to go around. And I’m careful not to mix utensils, and to color code serving dishes and serving utensils so that people can follow their dietary needs and wants without having to ask what has X in it.

I have chili coming out my ears at the moment - 3 huge pots for 20 people tomorrow - one meat, one bean, one both, because it’s possible, though not likely, that two people might come who are veg, and possible, slightly likelier, that one person with severe bean intolerance might come, and I know my mother, she of the “meat *and *beans belong in chili!” camp will be coming. Lucky for me, chili freezes well, 'cause we’re going to have a lot of leftovers! I’m just glad I don’t have any onion haters coming, or I’d have made a fourth pot!

42

You’re exactly right. I’m a somewhat picky eater, my biggest dislikes being hamburger, onions (another one!) and mayonnaise. The hamburger I will eat if it’s part of a dish but I’m not one to go out and order a hamburger. I’m not a huge fan of meat in general but will definitely eat some. Other than that I’ll pretty much eat or try anything. I can always find plenty to eat at a restaurant or when I’m at someone’s house for dinner, and never comment on the food other than to say it’s delicious. What I hate is that people like my grandma insist on analyzing what I eat. Now, if I go out to the local bar/grill with the family and find something on the menu to order, what’s the problem? I’ve made no comment on the menu, just perused it quietly and considered the several options I like. The worst is when I order a grilled cheese and fries. I see nothing wrong with that. I like grilled cheese, and it’s on the menu (and not on the kids’ menu, otherwise I wouldn’t have ordered it), so obviously the people who run the place don’t see a problem with it. Yet grandma just has to make a comment about it … “Oh, you and your grilled cheese.” Big deal, grandma! I looked over the menu and considered the fish sandwich, the fried chicken, the chef salad, and several other things, but decided that I was hungry for a grilled cheese. Get off my back.

I do kind of have a hard time wrapping my head around the “all my social interactions revolve around food” people. My social interactions revolve around people. If there’s food there, that’s nice too, but it’s not the reason I’m there and it’s not the best part of the experience for me.

43

I am a picky eater, and my brother and his wife are picky eaters, and our mother is determined that she will not accomodate anyone for “childishness”. It makes dinners at her house… unpleasanter than they need be.

The secret of being gracious is putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. I like onions, but know that my brother and SiL don’t; so, I wouldn’t want to serve them my yummy cheesy onion casserole. My SiL mentions when she’s put mushrooms into something, so I know to avoid them. We don’t roll our eyes and talk behind each others’ backs about how unaccomodating the others are; we like each other.

Meanwhile, we all get to hear our mother talk behind the others’ backs about their eating habits. It’s rude.

If I’m with people who wouldn’t know my eating habits, I expect no accomodation. I do expect that if I politely say “no, thank you” to a dish, that they’ll graciously drop the topic and not interrogate me as to why I don’t want to share their greasy nasty Imo’s pizza, or whatever.

Fortunately, there’s hope for my mother, maybe. When I told her I was allergic to nuts, she decided it was me being picky – she’d make me chocolate birthday pies, with almonds in, for example. When my nephew turned out to also be (much more) allergic to nuts, now she’s solicitous (although confused) of our nut allergies.

I’d still prefer to dine with a dozen picky relatives who won’t eat ethnic food or have bizzare diatery requirements, than with mom’s eye-rolling rudeness, though. So all you folks sharing stories of how unreasonable so-and-so is about their food, please consider that they’re probably talking about your behavior, as well. It’s not too difficult to pick up on an attitude like that.

44

I imagine there are certain styles of movies or music you don’t enjoy. So when you’re with friends and they want to watch a movie or put on a CD that’s not your preference, what do you do? Throw a fit and leave? Demand that they change their plans to cater to your tastes?

Or do you somehow find the courage to tolerate it without making a big drama, then maybe suggest that next time can be your pick?

What is so different about food that people have to make themselves into martyrs over it?

45

Oh, now that ain’t right. Graciousness goes both ways. Deliberately forcing something on someone when you know they detest it is, at very best, inconsiderate. Reminds me of my nut-allergic friend’s mother who nearly killed him on a couple occasions trying to serve foods with peanuts because she doesn’t agree with his “fussy eating”. :mad:

My fiancee and I have non-mainstream diets, between food allergies and… “veg-aquarian” diets (heh, I like that). We don’t expect anyone to cater to our requirements, we work around it, but I really genuienly appreciate it if they make an attempt to do so. Even if they flub it (like using chicken stock in an otherwise veg meal). Otherwise, we make do with what they have to offer that we can eat. We try to let people know ahead of time of any restrictions, so it’s not a surprise, but we also ask that they not go too much out of their way and bend over backwards for us at the expense of their own enjoyment. We also offer to bring a dish to share and bring a bottle of wine and/or dessert. (Note well: We offer to bring a dish to share, so as not to burden them with our quirky food restrictions. It would be rude to just show up with our own food thereby implying they are incompetent hosts).

No whining, no fussing. My fiancee will also try foods offered to her before pushing them aside (even if she already knows she hates them). She hates beets for example. Absolutely hates them. When a host prepared a great salad with beets, my fiancee made light of her “uh-oh, silly dislike for nasty beets” and then tried two big forkfulls of salad, beets included, “let’s see how they are…”. Afterwards she set the beets aside on her plate, but she made the honest effort to try eating the salad exactly as it was served.

46

I always accept invitations, but will beg off when I see what’s served with a vague “queasy stomach today - must have been that lunch I ate at the sidewalk sausage vendor”.
I can tolerate most common foods, but cannot take any Thai or anything with peanut or coconut. Allergy is the wrong word. I don’t get a rash or anything, so I sometimes imply allergy without using that word.

47

In grad school I knew the king of picky eaters. For lunch and dinner he would eat hamburgers or hot dogs and that was it. No toppings or condiments either. I think certain bread products, sprite, and honey pretty much rounded out the list of things he would eat.

This made going to several conferences fun. There was a formal function at one at which we were served filet mignon. Pretty close to hamburger, right? Wrong. At one in Reno, NV, I was too polite to ditch him to hit the buffet and instead got stuck at this crappy diner place for three nights in a row.

I guess my advice for picky eaters would be to try to be as accommodating with others as they are to you. On occasion your normally gracious friends may want to go somewhere that just won’t work for you and you shouldn’t hold it against them.

48

In cases like this, when invited out with a group at a completely incompatible venue (or when really short on cash), my girlfriend has been known to say: “Oh dear, my schedule is such that I can’t make it at that hour. You go on without me and I will surely meet you for after-dinner drinks.” She would still meet up with her friends at the restaurant and be social and everyone would have a good time wihtout being self-conscious about what’s on their plates.

49

I’m a very picky eater. I generally won’t eat chicken or fish unless I prepared it myself. I don’t like most “common” foods: bananas, orange juice, milk, scrambled eggs, lunch meat, hot dogs, spaghetti with meatballs, ham, anything with corn in it, anything orange-flavored; you get the idea.
But, I’ll try anything once. And in general I don’t make a big deal out of it. If someone serves something I don’t like then I eat what I can, and go get food after I leave. I have one set of friends who happen to know how picky I am and they make a HUGE deal out of it: “Oh we can’t have that, Ghanima HATES that” etc. The thing is, what I’m actually picky about is quality. If you served a meal of homemade corn chowder, roasted honey mint chicken and freshly squeezed orange juice, I would totally eat it (except the corn which I’d just leave behind in the bowl. But they make a big deal out of it and it ends up embarrassing me and pissing me off. It’s gotten to the point that when we visit them I just go grocery shopping when we get there so that they can’t whinge about me not eating.

50

Those of you who are picky eaters (I’m not, but my husband is, so I am trying to understand) might want to check out this test for being a “supertaster.”

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/body/interactives/supertaster/

I am going to buy some food coloring for taste bud counting this weekend! I appear to be a non-taster, which is the polar opposite from my husband. No wonder food is our one chronic difficulty.

51

Based on the quiz alone, I am a supertaster - but I don’t think I really agree with the description if I am. As a rule, I PREFER strong flavors. Black coffee and Brussels sprouts are among my favorite things, and I like ginger, licorice and loads of garlic. What I cannot stand is very sweet stuff. Most candy tastes quite bitter to me. I CAN detect and distinguish many different flavors in my foods, though. I can tell the difference between margarine and butter, distinguish between artificial sweeteners, and tell INSTANTLY if there was cilantro anywhere NEAR my food.

I think I’m going to try the food coloring test, too.

52

I am a terribly picky eater. Essentially anything that goes into the common salad is out. Most condiments, except ketchup are out. Oddly enough I like spinach, broccoli and asparagus, but never raw. Green onions are the worst.

With restaurants, I can always find something, even if I have to make a meal out of sides. You just have to establish with the server what’s on the particular dish and ask for it to be removed. If there is some sauce one the dish, ask for it to be on the side. Then you can give it a shot and dump it if you don’t like it.

At conferences, I can usually get away with tossing around the salad and making it look like I ate. But I also talk a lot and that tends to distract folks from the fact that I didn’t eat large portions of the meal.

A dinner party at someone’s house can be tough. Most people who invite me know me well enough and won’t cook something that everyone can’t enjoy. However, you run into the business things from time to time where the host doesn’t know me and my ‘special needs’. I don’t want to insult the host by leaving a full plate nor do I want to request special treatment. So I may take the odd bite from my plate and vomit once I get home. Once I covertly shifted the onions off a piece of fish to the side and then covered them with a large enough piece of roll so it wasn’t too conspicuous. You work with the situation.

Being a picky eater is tough. Its easier if you are a vegetarian since you can always come up with some moral or ethical issue and no one would dare question that. Just not liking certain food tends to bring the wrath of judgmental foodies who simply can’t understand your situation. Fuck 'em.

Don’t worry. Eventually the Supreme Court will reule that picky eaters have bad tastebuds and that constitutes a disability which must be accomodated under the ADA.

53

The supertaster theory of picky eating – mentioned by Brynda, above – would seem to imply that picky eaters have superior taste buds. (and I’m a picky supertaster, too)

Logically, the eat-anything types should be rounded up and designated a lower caste of citizen because of their inferior senses. Alas, that seems unlikely, and so we are doomed to endless replays of “What? Who doesn’t like mushrooms? Oh, you just haven’t tried them! Everybody likes mushrooms! Stop being such a child, honestly.”

54

I would be interested to know if picky eaters tend to be overweight, underweight or normal.

If you are a picky eater, calculate your body mass index and post it here.

55

19.6, completely normal.

56

Apparently, you don’t seem to understand what “kosher” means.

57

If it were a gory movie, which make me want to vomit in pretty much the same way as eating foods with certain textures does, yes, I would ask them to put in something else, or I would try as best I could to not pay attention to the movie. I wouldn’t make a big drama of it, but I wouldn’t watch it, either. And that’s what I try to do with foods I don’t like- I don’t make a big show of it, but I’m not going to eat them, either.

58

C’mon now, just one bite, here comes the airplane, open up the hangar and let the plane land, vrrrroooommm!! Thatta Girl!!

59

Um, yeah.

60

As I give you a look straight out of www.mycathatesyou.com :smiley: