Why haven’t you been fired yet? Me? 3 & 10 I think.
I’m very good at efficiently breaking complex situations down into their simpler parts which lets me screw off a lot more than my fellows while matching/exceeding their production.
Boss doesn’t like me, but he can’t argue with #3. And it’s his bosses who value me. So maybe some 1 (or 9!) thrown in there as well.
So, when to all outward appearances you’ve deserved the sack, what kept/keeps you at the teat?
Aren’t they forgetting #11: Everyone can have a bad day?
Nine. Most definitely nine.
#4 and #7.
I don’t get fired because I do my job well.
Slackers. I’m going to talk to HR about you guys.
What about #12: I don’t get fired from my job because I’m the man! That, and all the office ladies like me because I flirt a lot.
Really? I fart a lot too, but the ladies at my office…huh? Oh, never mind. 
The boss relies on the employee.
The boss thinks it could be worse.
I am not the ideal employee, but I get more work done and done with higher quality than at least the last four employees he had. Additionally, I can work on almost anything he throws at me and I get up to speed fast. As I am now the only P/A left, he is probably fearful of the learning curve a new employee would have for our ERP and technologies.
Add in #11, he knows I am not looking to get his job or move on at this point in my life. So he knows I am a fairly stable and safe employee and puts up with my other problems. (Like goofing off here)
I honestly have no idea. I do maybe 2 hours worth of real work a day. Around here, that gets me an “Exceptional” on my performance review (just last week). I don’t get it. The organization is in the process of splitting up into smaller bits now, and I expect the layoffs to start any time. My department, however, has just increased its already bloated payroll by one (an internal promotion). I get my work done, I suppose. I just don’t have much of it. I’m not entirely sure why any of us are here.
I became leader of a Labor Organization, I’m friends with my manager, and his manager…the folks to the left and right of the org chart, on the other hand, couldn’t pour water out of a boot with the instructions printed on the bottom.
They’re not capable of firing me.
And slowly, my cow-orkers and I are making it a better work environment.
Err, #13, or whatever we’re up to…
I can do one specific, highly specialized, task that a) almost everyone’s experiments here rely on and b) no-one else in the lab can, or wants to learn to, do that is c) expensive to outsource.
Or maybe that falls under #8…
JRB
#4 and #10.
Also, I know how to reset the server, write really, really good letters, and bring a creative flair to projects that others lack.
#11 It’s a big pain in the behind to find someone willing to do my job who is also acceptable to my boss.
My boss is what they euphamistically refer to as “difficult to serve”.
In other words, he’s stone crazy and everyone here knows it.
He doesn’t get fired himself because he’s the best there is at what he does.
Number 12. If I wasn’t here, Tin Knickers would have to Google things for herself and she’s too scared to do that.
2,5,7 & 10.
My boss hates me and has displayed open contempt for me in front of my peers.
But;
(2) I do more than 70% of the actual work when I’m on duty (despite there being 1-3 others on duty at the same time).
(5) I don’t put up with shit. Sure, give me attitude and mouth. But order me to do something stupid and I’ll say NO to your face. I regularly get away with things my co-workers don’t (reasonable things my bosses bully others into not doing, like taking lunch breaks or being in the office :eek: ) and don’t tolerate being told I can’t.
(7) My boss is known by her superiors to be incompetent in the handling of personnel matters. They won’t let her fire the most grievous trouble makers and the hiring process takes a very long time.
(10) No matter what she thinks of me personally, I’m the best guy she’s got. (Hey, I think she’s a grossly incompetent coward without the integrity or personal character to be in her position, so we’re even.)
I saw the writing on the wall several years back…that there were very smart, mathematical people in India that would do my job for 7 cents a day. I think I am right because for the past several years, my company has added many people to the company…but not one American.
so…
I haven’t been replaced by an Indian because I…
…embraced client interaction with a ferver. Therefore, I am a ‘numbers dude’ with a reputation for being able to relate to ignorant clients.
How a youngin is supposed to get experience to be able to do what I did, I have no idea.
I knew exactly how much work I could do and still slide by.
Possibly #6 and 10. (I do suck, but not totally.)
My boss might say #10, but I would say it’s actually #9.
Who else would they find to work the night shift?
Oh, and I’m also one of the best at what I do working at one of the best hospitals in the US.
I’m also very modest.