Wouldn’t you think a guy who makes so many lame jokes himself, he personally requires an FAQ would cut another misunderstood joker some slack.
But apparently not.
Yeah, well, guess what? She was making a joke. People do that.
You don’t actually know that she was being insulting. Intent matters in human interaction. And even if it was an insult, neither Judith Martin nor any other etiquette maven I’ve seen has ever endorsed answering one insult with another.
A: May I have some of this thing that I am obviously enjoying?
B: No, you may not.
That’s a rejection in terms of human interaction, and it hurts. It is not acceptable to gratuitously hurt someone. And it is gratuitous because it was unnecessary. As I have said before, if Skald doesn’t like the way she interacts with him, then the appropriate way to deal with it is to address the issue directly with her, not to exact petty revenge.
Exactly.
I agree that rejection hurts. And sometimes people (especially clueless overly insulting selfish harpy) learn best from something that hurts.
The burned hand teaches best, yes?
I agree that niceness is usually better. But some people are immune to niceness. They just don’t see that sort of behavior as being nice. They see it as being WEAK. I’m getting that impression from this person.
If she wasn’t a clueless overly insulting selfish harpy, she would have picked up on Skald being unhappy about her comments the first two times, and she wouldn’t have been an obvious and unashamed mooch at all. These are social contracts that normal people pick up on and abide by. But not this person!
Obviously, this person has not learned from other nice social friendly interactions. I would bet that If Skald said “I don’t like your comments/insults” and still gave her lovely baked goods, she would scarf the noms, and immediately “joke” about him being thin-skinned and how cute that is - and then continue to insult and mooch and be an inconsiderate bitch as long as he politely asked her to stop, and still gave her what she wants.
Take away what she wants and she has an incentive! Call her out on it loud and clear, since she obviously hasn’t noticed social niceties so far. It takes a bit of a jerk to make an impression.
Now you have, and I bet she’ll behave herself in future, or she’ll avoid Skald altogether. Either way, Skald wins.
Those aren’t the only two possibilities unfortunately. There are many many ways to lose in unnecessary workplace fights.
Edit: one Of which is to end up in multi page threads still wondering about it days later, instead of having not even remembered it by now.
Otara
Work-Skald is not the same person as Board-Skald. That said…
… they’re enough alike that work-skald was **intending **to be mean. That said
So I should have exacted grand revenge? 
Anyway, it was meant to hurt, though not very much. But this wasn’t a rejection; it was a denial. The terms are not synonymous.
I’m not really seeing why, even if I had not been deliberately and consciously setting out to get this woman the fuck out of my office, I would have been obliged to say “yes” to her request for cake. It was my cake, after all. No one was entitled to it except me and my team. Are you saying that I must accede to any request for pastries, pizza, or whatever other goodies I make? If so, why?
Next time she makes a joke like this, lean forward with a pained expression and say, “I know you’re trying to make a joke, but women can’t be funny.”
Saying someone is lying in order to get praise is not acceptable behavior. If it’s not acceptable behavior, it definitely isn’t rewardable behavior.
Give her a piece of cake.
Then release the cake-seeking bees.
This is a perfect response. And let the uncomfortable silence linger …
To be fair, men probably are better at beating until stiff peaks form.
But yeah, sexist, and rude to continue after getting clues that you were not amused.
Make a dozen of so chocolate-chocolate cupcakes. With one decorate it with frosting that has a face on it and save it for her. When she stops by for one, tell her you made one (from scratch) just for her.
Then say, “You can have my cake, and eat it, too. Just this once.”
I’m going to go with her.
You don’t go and collect free food from people and then insult them about it. Most certainly, no one should make a habit of that practice and then be surprised that there are consequences (ie, suddenly no more free food for you!). Then there’s also the issue of her not being well known/familiar/friendly terms with you and pulling that shit.
And you did, more or less, make the point about the stupid insulting comments. No way I’m going to fault you for how you did it.
Yeah, and then he should melodramatically weep and flail about, throwing his head back and covering his eyes with his arm. :rolleyes: I’m more in the school of “fucking knock it off” than “boo hoo, you hurt my feelings!”
Well, then there is no further need for discussion. You meant to hurt her. You’re being the bigger jerk. It’s self-evident.
<snerk>
Some dopers have really odd views of the world.
Intending to hurt someone is more jerkish than unintentionally hurting someone. It’s axiomatic. If that’s an “odd view of the world,” I really don’t understand the world you live in.
Her.
Tell her that if you didn’t really cook it, she should go to a stroe and buy one of her own that’s just as good.
Oh and have her watch Sweet Genius.
One of Mrs. Cad’s gay friends accused me of being in the closet because I grew fresh herbs to use in my cooking. Meanwhile thay are scarfing down homemade pasta in a butter and fresh herb sauce. I asked did it make the pasta taste good and he said it tasted great. I said “So a guy has to be gay to make great tasting food?”
Yeah, you were being a dink then. If you are pretty sure someone meant no offense and then you took offense anyway? What other opinion can there be? I mean, normal humans might have thought that the woman was trying to be freindly, for one reason or another.
Also, re the OP, cooking - baking -> different.
Oh, make sure you do that with your best Franck Egglehoffer impersonation!
Agreed. I think Skald handled it perfectly. Tried to hurt her? No, punching her in her rude teeth would have been trying to hurt her. Denying her more baked goods because she was a dick about the first ones? Perfect.