Okay. Here’s the story of a girl who’s seen both sides.
Background: Intact family. I don’t think I have any issues with father figures, aside from the normal approval-seeking. No abuse. My parent’s marriage has had its rough patches, but they’ve been together for more than 30 years and are probably happier with each other now than they’ve ever been.
First serious high-school boyfriend: Initially a very sweet teenage romance. But there was the element of bad-boy in him. I was an honor student, top of my class, president of the honor society, general nerd, blah blah blah. He was a fair-to-poor student, popular, had trouble with the police, and except for the military, totally ambitionless. I lost my virginity to this guy. We had an off-and-on high school drama relationship. He started to smack me around. I got pregnant. He persuaded me to keep the baby, said that we would get married, etc. I bit, and Mr. Wonderful took off for basic training. He’s seen son for twenty minutes on two separate occasions, both in the first 8 months. After nearly a year of buying his long-distance crap, I finally bailed.
Second boyfriend: 4 1/2 year relationship. A former co-worker, funny, charming, average looking. He never had any problem meeting girls/having girlfriends. The first year was great. He’s a very personable guy, easy to like. Not too bright, but charming enough to cover it up. But as time progressed, I found out more about him. He was jealous (he claimed he was scared I’d go back to my son’s father); he was possessive (he demanded that I spend a certain amount of time with him, without my son; I rarely saw my friends); he completely ignored my son (except, naturally, for the first few months); never spent time with my friends, though we saw his all the time; belittled my physical appearance (when I had uterine fibroids he actually said, “If they can’t fix it,you’re going on a diet.”). He convinced me that no one would ever want me because I had a kid. So what did I do? I moved across the country to live with him (he was transferred for a job), of course. It was 1-1/2 years of crap-o-rama. A few months after returning to my hometown, I broke it off. He went absolutely psycho.
After a period of dating a couple of absolute fucking freaks, I began seeing a friend of a co-worker I’d met shortly after the breakup. Totally not the type I’d ever dated before, but completely the type I’d always wanted to date - funny, dorky, ever so smart and cute cute cute, a consummate geek. He’s the embodiment of the boys I had a crush on in high school, but who would never talk to me (?). He gets my weird references. We both giggle when someone says “toot”. He likes baseball, the Simpsons, the Tick, and Space Ghost. He knows who Scylla and Charybdis are. He uses commas and apostrophes properly. Most importantly, he likes my bizarre little boy. He is the nice guy. For the first time, I really feel like someone gets me, and I don’t feel like I’m settling for something less than I can have. The thing about it is, I’m his first serious girlfriend (we’re both 25). I’ve told him that I worry, sometimes, that the girls who passed him up before will be shortly coming to the realization that they missed out on this amazing guy.
The upshot of all this is that yep, lots of chicks dig complete jerks. Particularly young women. It’s not always looks; it’s not always money; it’s not always father issues; it’s often simply inexperience. Sometimes, the nicest-appearing guy turns out to be a turd. Myself, I got hoodwinked, and was in pretty deep before I found out the truth about them. Are all of you “nice guys” telling me that you never thought a girl (someone you dated, or a friend) was incredible only to find out much later that she was, in fact, a raging bitch? I mean, duh…bad people are often deceptive.
) trip up I85