It was late last night – must have been a quarter of three in the morning. I was soundly asleep when I was awakened by a noise. It wasn’t loud or disturbing in any way – it was barely even audible – but it was one of those sounds that you immediately recognize as familiar, even mundane, yet completely out of the moment’s context. That’s what tweaked my brain out of its slumber. It was a soft, periodic shushing noise accompanied by a whispering murmur. A turning of pages and a silent reading of passages to oneself. But there was no one awake to be reading – and there was no light by which to do so in any event. Slowly, cautiously, I grabbed a small flashlight that I keep by the bed, aimed it in the direction of the sound, and turned it on.
Tilly, my youngest cat, was so startled that her spectacles leaped from her head; the book she was reading dropped to the ground. After a deer-in-the-headlights moment, Tilly turned and bolted off to parts unknown, embarassed beyond her ability to dismiss with a simple look and a sniff. How remarkable, I thought as I rousted myself out of bed to have a closer look at the book. It lay open on the floor at the foot of the bed; Tilly hadn’t managed to read very far in. I turned it over. The simple black Times font on the front announced its title:
So You’ve Co-opted a Human: An Ownership Guide for Cats
The careworn cover was plain and unassuming. The pages were yellowed and dog-eared. There was no attribution, no picture, not even a description or blurb on the back. Curious, I turned to the preface.
Well, I thought as I closed the book and tucked it into a secure spot for later review. This certainly explains a lot.
Ah, this would explain why our 13 year old cat only recently started using his “laryngitis” meow; he only just read “Chapter 23: Using Pity for Fun and Profit.”
Oh, he can read. He’s merely too young to be good at it yet. Make no mistake though: He is practising. Don’t be surprised the next time you suddenly lose your desire to eat the rest of your tunafish sandwich.
If you suspect your cat has been getting out at night to prowl the lecture circuit, you just might have something there.
Are you sure that isn’t the “public” version they allow you to see? Does it look like someone took a sharpie and redacted the hell out of it?
Thank you. ::bows:: I’d do a book signing, but there is a very large manx following me around all of a sudden, and I fear for my life.
Niiice kitty. Goooood kitty. SweeeAAAAHHH OH GOD GET OFF ME!
Unfortunately, I cannot take more time to respond to this since my feline overlords are trying to look over my shoulder. They have been going on instinct thus far and if they ever get their hands on this book I am doomed also.
