So you've conquered the Earth. What next?

  1. Legalise all Hard and Soft Drugs and give them free to addicts

  2. Ban bicycles from public roads. Allow roadusers to legally run over any who disobey.

  3. Increase investment in science and space travel and virtual reality

  4. Introduce breeding licenses for humans based on IQ

  5. Torture followed by death penalty for vandal who keyed my Jag on Tuesday.

  6. Season 6+ of Babylon 5, Bring back Dark Angel, and Enterprise.

  7. Have George Lucas physically altered to resemble Jar Jar binks then see if he could still see the humour in the character.

  8. Buy a big wood chipper to put people I don’t like into.

  9. Try out that Bonsia Kitty thing and see if it can be made to work.

  10. Oh and definitely a harem :smiley:

Go after Wind and Fire.


Thudlow, you are my favorite person for the next few minutes.

Hmmm, I now rule the world.

  1. Large organized Religions are out and all their tax breaks/privileges!
  2. The entire world will now be under 1 government and all will learn Esperanto from pre-school on. We will have 1 world language in about 50 years.
  3. Mandatory birth control. If you have a third child, all the children go up for adoption and you are executed immediately.
  4. Yes birth control will be universally available and taught. Abortions will be strongly discouraged but allowed.
  5. Population will slowly be brought down to about 1 billion or less.
  6. 3 times felons are executed without appeal.
  7. Drugs are legal but remember is you steal to pay for your habit, you will probably be dead soon. See #7
  8. I will personally execute in a voted upon humiliating way the recent ex-Fema chief for mass Man-slaughter.
  9. Bad news lawyers. No more practicing law. In fact Scientist & Engineers will now take over Law & Governing.
  10. All SUV’s will be immediately scrapped.
  11. All new Cars must be hybrids or very high mileage and low emissions.
  12. Mass Transit will be built and subsidized.
  13. NIMBY is outlawed.
  14. Rebuild suburbia to be rational town centers with places to work.
  15. Work weeks will decrease to 30 hours as we strive for 100% employment and better quality of life.
  16. Bring healthcare up around the world.
  17. Bring Education levels up around the world.
  18. Eliminate French language first just to prove I can be arbitrary and vindictive.
  19. Spread baseball to entire world, subsidize where needed.
  20. Give Disney World to my wife as she would really like this.
  21. Stem cell Research: 100% green light.
  22. Teach intelligent design, NO, you are executed.
  23. Much more money for Solar & Wind Power & Space program.
  24. Build more Nuclear plants in meantime with waste vaults onsite.
  25. Enact energy saving laws across the Board.
  26. CEOs & Owners are now responsible for their company’s actions so they better keep them clean.
  27. If Middle East doesn’t calm down send in more Zombie Warriors with 1920’s style Deathrays.
  28. Clean up Water & Air and also noise and light pollution.
  29. I have this friend; he always wanted to be the benevolent dictator of a small island nation. I’ll give him the chance.

Wow, there is no end to this stuff.

I would force salary caps on all film and tv actors. Maybe make them work by the hour.

I am in complete favor of Population control. Executions all around.

I would run every human out of Africa to revitalize the wild. anyone who kills an animal for it’s skin, fur, horn or tusk will be fed to the coinciding animal.

I would outlaw all gasoline engine vehicles and force everyone to use electric cars. Mine and NASCAR’s would obviously be the only nuclear powered.

I would shutdown the entire oil industry, if an area cannot survive on alternate sources then be damned.

I would have california befallen into the sea forever, and las vegas would be the new Los Angeles.

I would have a harem of 1 or 2 women from every race, then I would procreate with each and every one. (That’ s about as evil as I can get)

I would control the entire Judicial system. Anyone who wants to sue Macdonalds for getting fat will be execute, anyone who wants to sue Timex for a rash will die from the rash. Anyone who wants to change the laws will answer to me.


Rapist will live out their entire lives being gang raped by ramped Gorillas.

Murderers will have a fair trial and face two options, death or work as gorilla preps.

Gays be gays, Free religon,

All mind altering drugs will be prescribed and will be costly, but available.

Thats it for now, I enjoyed that.

Hey if you are willing to settle for just running your own nation. You can try this free text game.

:::NOTE TO FUTURE SELF::: Send squad of undead gorilla robot flying ninjas to “reason” with Fabulous Creature.

Here’s my ideas for The Psycho-Empire of Der Trihs :

All the rich ( except me ) are fed to the poor.

All religion will be abolished except Emperor-worship. I’m the God, you hear me ?! I’M THE GOD !!..ahem, excuse me. Megalomania attack.

Nope, gorillas aren’t very well endowed, I’ll use zebras instead.

Which brings me to the Ministry of Poetic Justice, which inflicts…appropriate punishments on those I dislike. Gay bashers will be forced into gay brothels. All members of the Taliban will be subjected to forced gender reassignment without anesthesia. Evangelists/missionaries will be implanted with radio receivers tuned to a special Communist-only propaganda station. Schoolyard bullies will be assigned “keepers” whose job is to constantly follow them around, insulting, pushing and tripping them. Anyone preaching that sex is bad gets neutered.

Heavy investment in space travel, so my mad dominion can be extended across the cosmos !!

Heavy investment in life extension research, so the world will not be deprived of my Divine Presence.

A large harem, of course. :slight_smile:

Since I have my invincible army of undead robot ninja spiders, all other military hardware will be chosen by coolness, not practicality. Like tanks. I want battleship sized tanks with lots and lots of big guns. I’ll have giant transforming robots ! Oversized power armor ! Guns too big to fire without the recoil killing you !

More if I think of it…

Oh, come on, EC. You can argue better than that.

Here’s some suggestions:

  1. The demand for weeblewockers will increase as average wages go up, since poor persons formerly unable to afford them can now buy them. Therefore the impact of a necesary price increase will not be as bad as I predicted.

  2. Even if the impact on my weeblewocker factory is bad, the depressed Central Bucksnort area may be revitalized as other workers now have more income to spend on luxury items. Therefore any displaced WW factory employers will be able to find new jobs.

That’s jsut off the top of my head. I’m not saying I agree–I’m just saying, don’t just roll over like that!

Now this is a Evil God-King plan I can get behind. I particularly like the undead robot ninja spiders and will purloin that idea for my own selfish purposes.

So are you trying to be evil or not? 'Cause you don’t seem to think you’re being evil, but in fact a ton of these strike me as pure unblinking wickedness all the same.

Let’s see…

Well, first off you’ve just destroyed the work of evey brilliant work of literature. LOTR won’t work well in Esperanto, nor Hamlet, nor Candide. If your aim is to reduce war by making commuication easier, I’d like to show you a little place called Gettysburg. Or even Fallujah.

What about triplets? What about mothers whose firstborns died in childbirth and how desperately want another?

Thus proving to the fundamentalists that their strawman of “Darwinism” is in fact of religion by executing heretics. Thank you, Mr. Torquemada.

Because the ability to solve a quadratic equation is indicative of wisdom? Because Isaac Newton was such a wonderful person? Because you’d rather have people put in charge of fields they have no expertise or training in?

so anyone who doesn’t like baseball, like for instance nerds such as myself, will be required to help pay for the amusement of those who do like it. That seems fair.

I like some of your ideas, though. I just think you should decide whether you’re evil or not.


As I asked another poster–are you trying to be evil or not? 'Cause you’re being rather rough on the indigenous peoples of Africa. Poor Masai. Poor Bushmen. Poor Pygmies.

Where you are you putting these displaced populations, by the way, and what will they be allowed to do to support themselves once you’ve obliterated tehir culture?


Earth… Phah! That is just the first step.

2nd step is to devote all biological studies to prolonging my existance for as long as I want it.

Once accomplished I go to phase 3:

Time to use all resources of the planet to begin research and development of a Fleet of ships desihned for Galactic conquest.*

Each planet conquered will be used in the development of greater, faster and more powerful ships and troops.

I will run the entire Galaxy. All will know my name and eaither love me or fear its very mention.

Once I’ve accomplished this… Well I suppose I could use some me time and have a nice relaxing vacation. Maybe stay at a nice cottage by the lake or something.

  • For those of you who believe faster than light travel is impossible, I will simply lower the speed of light by law!

Another evil God-King program I can get behind!

But…um…how will lowering the speed of light help you get to, say, Alpha Centauri? Wouldn’t youwant to raise it instead?

I’m think my plan is one of enlightened self interest. I want to improve the world and as I now rule it, I’ll decided much of it.
Please note, I have actually only done away with French. English and all the others can remain as co-languages with Esperanto but I want a common human tounge. Will it stop war, of course not that’s what the robotic spider army is for, no?
Let’s see I rule the world and I am selfishly forcing subsidized baseball as the sport of the world. (I think most people would qualify this as somewhat evil so what’s your point?)

First born dead then you can still have 2. No problem. Triplet, hmm triplets. I compromise: As I am trying to greatly reduce population without mass killings, I will now outlaw fertility drugs and clinics. If you have natural triplets, congrats.

Hey if I kill the proponents of anti-evolution then I am fighting ignorance. I’m sick of these idiots and please note my #1 thing to do, end large organized religions.
I am obviously very much against organized religion.

I want to at least give the Science/Math geeks a chance at running the day to day operation ofthe world instead of lawyers. My world, my rules. If I’m wrong, I adjust later.

(Of course all of this is just preliminary, if I really got control of the world I would put more thought into most of these items. Except outlaw the teaching of French of course :smiley: )

[Carl Carlson]
So…um…you evil or what?

Oh, I can argue a LOT better than that … and HAVE argued a lot better than that … MANY times … over in Great Debates. I’ve tussled many times with free-market types. I believe that unregulated free markets are evil, because they inevitably allow the wealthy a greater and greater ability to accumulate wealthy, generally at the expense of the the not-so-wealthy and the downright poor. I think the goal of any free market economy should be to expand and make wealthier the middle class, because both the weatlhy and the poor benefit when this happens. Top-down free market stuff just doesn’t work.

But this is not the time nor the place for a free market debate – as you say, it’s a hijack – and I have an army of undead super ninja robot gorillas that say so. If you wanna read some debates, do a search under my name and the term “free market” and capitalism. Here, the undead super ninja robot gorillas rule.

I know you can argue better than that, dude. That’s why I was asking you too. After all, if I thought you were a moron (which I don’t), I wouldn’t bother responding to your posts. :stuck_out_tongue:

I’d like to note the sublime irony, though, of being quite accurately accused of hijacking my own thread.

Lets see I need to prove I am evil now?

I though outlawing all religions would be evil enough and wanton killing of people who disagree with me about evolution and science.

Plus wouldn’t my army have probably caused thousands to hundreds of thousands of deaths?

What would prove my evilness. I got it. I will take over ownership of the NY Yankees and bring the payroll up to 300 millions and not pay any stinkin luxury taxes anymore. Also the Yes Network will be carried by every cable and satelitte provider on basic cable. Bahaha HA!!!.

Ok evil enough now?

No, not PROVE…just COMMIT. We’ll have none of this namby-pamby, Chris-Claremont-Magneto, fifty-season-Buffy-Spike ambiguity. I just wanted you to pick a hat color.

Oh, and it’s “evilitude,” not “evilness.”