Double 
No CHOCOLATE???
Man, were you wasting your time. 
Obviously you’ve never had your shoes barfed on.
Presumably, you mean by others… 
“Yeah, and the drunken bum shat in your pants, too.”
Oh, did I forget to mention the chocolate? Well … now I’m too heartbroken. It would just come across as spite.
Aw. I’m touched.
But you knew that already.