I thought it was about penises.
Oh, woops, were we being clever?
For a very short while it’s okay, but then it just starts to irritate my skin. Plus I seem to have issues with being touched too much, though I can’t for the life of me think of why that is.
I immediately thought “eggs,” too, and then thought, “or mattresses.”
So:
Eggs - medium
Pretzels - soft
Tacos - hard
Mattress - hard
Ice Cream - hard
Cheese - Hard
Pillow - Soft
Rock Music - whiny
And I like a medium massage - not so hard as to be unenjoyable, but hard enough for my muscles to really feel it.
Massage? On a pain scale of 1-10, I try to stay at about 7-9, otherwise I find that it doesn’t really do anything.
Others:
Eggs - soft
Pretzels - soft
Tacos - soft
Mattresses - hard
Ice cream - soft
Cheese - both
Pillow - hard
Rock music - none
Penises - hard
Core - hard
Drugs - soft
Landings - soft
Car tops - hard
Bodies - hard
Money - hard
Sell - soft
Data - hard
Suitcases - soft
News - hard
Science - hard
Soil - soft
Corners - soft
Boot - hard
Water - soft
Soles - soft
Consonants - both
Did I miss any?
Eggs - brown
Pretzels - large
Tacos - chicken
Mattress - occupied 
Ice Cream - chocolate chip (anything)
Cheese - Gruyere
Pillow - scented lavender
Rock Music - NOT country
And I like my massages with lots of lubrication 