Goddamn. I haven’t been to a Marble Slab since I lived in Houston. Right you are, thatDDperson. Right you are.
Now this is a classy ice cream. Prince Charles makes it, don’t you know.
http://www.duchyoriginals.com/products.asp?lngCategoryID=1030
I’m with the “one cat at best” crowd - I have cats, and I think most people here are seriously underestimating how out-and-out terrifying it is to face even one freaked-out feline. Naked Ape sees or hears freaked-out feline, Naked Ape RUNS SCREAMING INTO THE NIGHT!!!
You think you can kick them or punch them, but first you have to make contact, and cats are unbelievably fast and agile (even normally - once they’re hopped up on adrenaline, they are beyond belief).
Oh yeah, forgot to mention that I started a thread about “Stupidest Family Arguments” here.
Psst. Cats don’t form packs. Most feline species don’t even live together, much less hunt cooperatively.
The original scenario is totally unrealistic. Unless they have serious neurologic disease (or you’re small enough to consider prey), cats won’t attack you unless they feel threatened. It wouldn’t get to a fight-to-the-death scenario. I don’t fuck with them, they won’t fuck with me. Of course, with a neurological cat who’s trying to bite me, I’m sending his little furry head to the state lab for rabies testing.
That, and I have to wonder how hard a lot of you think you can punch (and where you’re going to find all these obliging cats who’ll just stand in place while you stomp them). Cats are incredibly resilient creatures, and they’re incredibly fast and agile. And they’re strong when they’re agitated. And they can jump. My god, can the little fuckers jump. I’ve seen 4-month kittens jump five feet in the air after stuff. The cat’ll die after one blow, and it’ll never make it past your legs. :snort: Yeah, sure.
As for the cat-wrangling, can I have a big, thick towel and a snappy-snare? I’ll wrangle you all the bad cats you want with the proper tools. Going after a truly bad cat (not one that spits and hisses, but a truly bad one) with just my bare hands and no backup? No way in hell. And yes, that’s my professional take on the subject.
I’d like to suggest that a nice thick pair of leather gauntlets would do the trick nicely.
And now, I’ll leave before we get into how I and two cow-orkers cleared a rat-infested warehouse with one pair of leather gauntlets, a couple of 2X4s, and our workboots. Now THAT was a fun summer job!
It is an unrealistic scenario, but if you accept the premise of a group of outraged cats in full attack mode, I think N <= 20, particularly if these are good-sized outdoor cats.
20 well-muscled, fifteen pound cats would collectively well outweigh most people and they’d have much superior natural weapons. All it would take would be for one of them to get to the eyes and it would be all over except for the batting the corpse around the floor and hiding it under the TV.
My cat is seventeen pounds of muscle. It took four adults using their full strength to hold him down at a vet visit. I’ve seen him jump five feet in the air. He’s mauled my boyfriend on accident (saw a dog, climbed up boyfriend’s face) leaveing fairly serious wounds on accident. I never want to see what he can actually do should he seriously decide to attack someone.
I don’t think you can take on more than around five of then. First off, cats climb, jump and latch. Your arms will be pretty useless when you have a couple of hissing, biting, cats latched on to them. Plus, a cat will eventually find your eyes, and it will be hard to fight with your eyes gouged out. Plus, a cat bite can take out a good hunk of flesh. Remember, cats tear apart small animals on a regular basis in the wild. They are plenty well equipt to tear flesh from bones.
Nobody can eat 50 eg… I mean cats.
I’m with those who say “one or fewer.” Because, let’s assume that the Cats In Question can hear. And let’s say that you whisper - mouth, even - the word “vet.”
Watch all the C.I.Q.'s disappear into thin fucking air - because that’s where they’ll go. And when they rematerialize - say, to pee on your work boots or whatever - they will be freaked out as HELL.
Ugliness will ensue, I promise. No good can come from that.
I am the wife in question, and I would like to thank you all for vindicating me!
To put fruitbat’s overestimation of his cat-fighting powers into perspective, when this discussion veered into other animals, he boasted that he could defeat 5 pissed off male Rottweilers. 'Nuff said.
Are these legendary cats?
Now hold on a minute. At the beginning of the thread I will admit that things seemed to be going your way. As it picked up steam my estimation of 100 was validated a couple of times. I am not accepting defeat quite yet.
Now as to the Rotties. Well, that was just me being an idiot.
I could manage:
50 Cats.
1 smallish dog - one of the poofy ones like a poodle.
Unlimited fish (out of water)
No baboons
Wombats galore
A wallaby, but no Kangaroos.
less wesels than cats
No ferrets down my trousers, otherwise about 6
unlimited lemmings.
Papa Tiger knew a cat when he was growing up that regularly killed dogs. That was one cat you didn’t mess with. He watched it leap out of a tree and take out a large dog with one bite once. Ewww.
Me, I’m not trying unless I’ve got leather gauntlets. And, like CrazyCatLady said, a thick towel. Never used a snappy snare, never had to, but it sounds highly useful.
Cats are like toddlers – they know how to USE every muscle in their body and have no hesitation whatsoever in doing so, and what’s more they apparently have the toddler talent of turning their bones to water so that they can melt out of ANY grip.
Putting my geek hat on.
[voice becomes nasally]
Me and my friend Ken once discussed who would win the most fights in D&D: a 1st level monk or a housecat.
The 1st level monk has 2D4 hit points, is AC 10, and gets one attack for 1-3 damage, whereas the housecat has one-half D8 hitpoints, is AC 8, and gets 3 attacks for 1/1/1-2 damage. Moreover, if either of the 1 damage forepaw attacks hit, the housecat gets an additional 2 backpaw attacks for 1-2/1-2 damage. We ran a simulation and the cat won 80% of the battles.
I guess the flannel shirt and leather boots could conceivably increase the monk’s AC to 9, but they don’t get any bonuses for wearing armor.
That’s it. Carry on.
Oh man, some of you guys are giving the cats way too much credit. I’ve been assuming a bunch of agressive, nasty cats here rather than having to seek them out hiding in high places and try to kill them. Its only going to take one or two solid blows to kill or maim them and if they’re coming to me all the easier. If they approach to bite or scratch then they must be within my grasp also no matter how fast they are. I’ve dealt with mad cats many, many times. Yes, they can be viscious. But consider that your goal is rarely to actually kill them outright but rather to capture or move them, very different things. If all I have to do is kill, no biggie.
I depends on the cat. I have met some wimpy cats in my day, but this one cat, oh, he was no ordinary cat. For one thing his name was Smitty, a name derived from the word smite. Which is fairly ominous in itself. He was HUGE. Half as big as a mountain lion. This cat was the spawn of satan, and he made no effort to hide it. I’m certain the mark of the beast was there under his fur somewhere. I once watched this cat ride upon the back of a terrified Black Lab as it ran screaming and yelping down the street. He was grinning a big cheshire grin and his eyes turned red as blood. That was a fearsome sight to behold I tell you! And he was mean to the core. He could trick you into scratching his head and then moments later he’d give you the spawn of satan look as he spilled your steaming entrails right out of your chest onto the kitchen floor. Well, he never actually did that, at least not to me, but he was thinking about it. He was thinking about a lot of nasty things. Like how to murder your grandmother or how to kill and eat a priest. But I digress.
I can’t help but find myself wondering just how many of you cat brawlers it would take to make it a fair fight. I’m thinking about 7 or 8. Well 7 or 8 big fellas that is…and weapons. Weapons would be good. And a big Crucifix with a wooden stake on the bottom, that couldn’t hurt.
Don’t you go messing with Smitty until you have made your peace with God.
I may have embellished the part about his size just a little bit…
OK, people, here’s my take on it. fruitbat is saying he could take 100 cats. Mind you, these are blood-thirsty cats, eager to rip his throat out. They are not politely waiting their turn, attacking one or two at a time. They are surging forward like a horrible feline wave of death, climbing over each other in their desperate attempt to be the first to taste fruitbat’s blood.
So if you figure that the average domestic cat weighs about 10 lbs., 100 cats x 10 lbs./cat = 1,000 lbs. I maintain that even if all the cats don’t manage to launch themselves at him simultaneously, a few hundred pounds of feline projectiles will knock him to the ground. In this vulnerable position, he will be easy prey for them as they swarm all over him.
So that’s why I say 15, tops. There should be enough space for all 15 to attack at once, but he should be able to stay on his feet if he braces himself.