I figured someone would start with the jokes eventually, so I emphasise that this is not my fault!
Woman goes for her gynecological exam. Verdict: everything’s fine, but the doc comments that she has one of the largest vaginas that they have ever seen. At home, she gets curious, so when her husband unexpectedly comes home early from work, he finds her pantsless on the kitchen floor doing some rather odd contortions. “What in the world are you doing?” he askes. Flustered, the woman stammers, “Um…aerobics.”
“Oh, okay,” comes the reply, “just be careful not to fall in the hole.”
Not only is there variation in vaginal stricture, there is substantial variation in vaginal self-lubrication capability. And vaginal motion.
My first long-term relationship was with a woman who I swear was a frigid nymphomaniac (if that’s not a contradiction in terms). Her vagina was nice and snug, but it was, well, dull. I got better stimulation from my own left hand, dry, than I did from her. It was quite the contrast from the first woman whom I got to third base with, whose lubrication was downright scary the first time I touched it.
IIRC, the Kama Sutra even makes mention of vaginal sizes, and positions that can ease/assist partners that don’t have that…<ahem> perfect fit. This may be worth looking into.
I’m not exactly a little girl, but as I’ve been told by partners, that I’m “surprisingly tight”. I can’t think of anyone who’s had an arguement with that.
I’ll always remember my ex-brother-in-law describing sex with his wife as, “throwing a hot dog down a hallway”.
To tell the truth, I’m not sure I can endorse kegel exercises as a solution. I understand that these exercises are designed to strengthen muscle tissue in the vagina. However, muscle tissue isn’t the problem; the problem is the size of the opening. My experience is that the muscles strengthened by these exercises are too far back in the vagina to do any good.
I remember one gal who seemingly was doing these exercises (or at least some sort of intentional muscle contractions) during sex. It was not a pleasant experience. Maybe her timing was off, but the effect was, after getting in the front of the vaginal opening, I found myself, uh, up against a wall of muscle further back. (Please pardon the graphic detail.) Talk about banging your head against a wall!
The odd part was that there was absolutely no size problem with this woman. She was a good fit in the first place. I guess she was self-conscious about her size, but she had no reason to be.
Which brings me to my next point: Ladies, please do not let this thread make you self-conscious about this issue. It is a non-issue for most women, with only a few on either end of the spectrum presenting any difficulties.
Oh yeah, and if you’re going to “kegel,” fine then, but please don’t try any funky contractions during the act…
Speaking of which: How do kegel exercises work? Are they supposed to be done during sex? Are they even capable of being done during sex? Fill us in, please.
I read in The Encylopedia of Bad Taste that Tammy Faye Bakker had a vagina that was so large, that poor ole Jimbo couldn’t feel anything when they copulated. I recall her as being a smallish woman.
My previous SO had kegeled herself into a mighty grip. Sometimes, she’d put the squeeze on during her orgasm; she said it intensified the experience for her and actually helped her along if she was having difficulty reaching a climax. (She couldn’t orgasm from thrusting, only get close. So, there would come a point where I would stop and she would rotate against me while I was fully inserted until she came. Thus, I never had spoke-'s ‘running into the wall’ problem). Afterward, however, she would play around with “the grip” in an effort to milk me dry, so to speak. She’d giggle devilishly as I couldn’t get loose. A good way to be trapped, I assure you. Nice enveloping squeezes.
So this man walks into a cowboy hat shop with his son.
The salesman comes up and they get to work at fitting the boy for a hat.
The first hat is a size 10 and doesn’t fit.
The father slaps the boy upside the head and yells, “Big headed bastard.”
The next hat is a size 12 and still doesn’t fit.
The father repeats his earlier performance, to the uneasy eyes of the sales clerk.
“Sir, why do you keep hitting your son, we have bigger hats and they are all the same price.”
The father says, “I always wanted three things in a wife, a good cook, a clean house and a tight pussy. I had them all before this big headed bastard came along.”
=)
My wife and I occasionally look at the women who seem to try to outdo each other by how much they can fit inside their orifaces. It would seem that such stretching will eventually leave the muscles incapable of closing the opening. Depends I guess.
Thank Goodness I had my office door closed when I read that! Just think how the rest of the song goes! (though I think it should be “wet and ready” in this case ;))
Anyway, I thought that the vagina is not really an open tube - unless something is holding it open, the muscles close it so the walls touch each other. If that’s true, the “size” really would be the tightness of the muscles.
Also, as to length, I believe it varies - not just from woman to woman, but for the same woman. During arousal, the vagina lengthens - i.e., the uterus rises.
“dull vagina?”
…isn’t that a band out of Baltimore?
I’d never before (or since) experienced anything like what’s been described here with the one exception of one girlfriend who, while a wonderful lover in all other aspects, was a little like playing ring toss.
I was flipping through some weird catalog a few weeks ago, and there was this little vaginal dumbbell-type thing for kegeling. Very interesting shape, and stainless steel, too! I wonder if it came with an instructional video? I can just imagine the results of using this. “Hey honey, watch me suck up a quarter and spit out two dimes and a nickel!”
This thread has gotten me thinking back on old GFs who were tight. I sure did have to think about a lot of baseball when I was with them.
I am never going to hear that little song the same way again!
AerynSunwrote:
You are absolutely correct. These are the muscles that pretty much hold everything in place. During pregnancy, you not only have the increased weight of the uterus but the softening effect of hormones. (That’s a good thing, by the way. You’re going to squeeze a whole baby through there, remember.) After the birth, the muscles need to be toned up. If you allow them to stay lax, you not only have a possibly less satisfied partner, you will probably find yourself less satisfied as well. And you’ll pee your pants when you sneeze.
**spoke-**asked:
Well, the easiest way to learn the basic kegel exercise is to try to stop the flow of urine while peeing. Once you have found the muscles, you can give them a workout by slowly squeezing and releasing. As you gain control, you will become increasingly aware of the more “internal” reaches of those muscles. More advanced exercises include the “elevator”, where one contracts the muscles at the bottom only at first, then gradually up to the top, hold, then slowly release down.
As to whether or not one would apply such exercises during sex, I guess that would depend on whether the parties involved found it pleasurable.
