It’s really not an out of the ordinary thing. But it happened four times in the last two months, and it really got me down on the last one. Actually, it’s been a pretty bad year or so, for folks I know dying. But this time it was two people I know who were a long time dying, but in the reverse order I expected, and both within a week of each other. So, I went along being there for folks still living.
Both of the first two were very widely known, and everyone who knew them, knows me. So, I was hearing a lot of processing of grief. I don’t process my grief with many people, but I must say, there were a lot of folks processing all over me. Part of that was professional responsibility, of course, but then, a lot of the folks using my process have precisely the same professional responsibilities that I do. I spent my reserves.
A month later, a former lover, one time coworker, good friend lost her husband quite suddenly. He left her with a month left to go on a non renewable lease on their home, and the usual stack of bills. Also left a kid in jail, and another looking for a way to get in trouble. Both old enough to be responsible for themselves, which they now will damned well have to do. I say that because after calling me up day before yesterday, and talking, and making some plans to meet tonight for a ride out to her not quite empty house, and probably some dinner, she died yesterday, in the morning, at her work. She was alone.
So, the first coworker in that day knows that I know her. She also knows we were once . . . well, she know everything, more or less. So, she called me, right after she called my friends dad. I was at work. This very good friend made sure that everyone who needed to know knew, and took care of the various cats, dogs, etc. And she called me.
After wandering in circles accomplishing nothing at work for an hour, I told my boss I was going home. I came home. I did nothing. Well, not quite nothing, I spent some time feeling guilty about not seeing her sooner, and leaving work, and . . all the usual stuff.
Pretty much still doing that.
One part that bites my ass: She worked with me, at my current workplace for about seven years. Maybe three people even remember her. Well, three people who were there last night. Three people I could actually talk to, if I wanted to. And one of them was a bitch I wouldn’t bother to mention it to. And the forty or so clients I could have told about it, who are already dealing with two recent deaths and haven’t seen my friend in five years. I really didn’t think it was a good idea to bring that up to them.
So, I came to bum everyone out here, at the Straight Dope. Just kind of a mundane, certainly pointless thing I absolutely had to share.
Thanks.
Tris
Hang in there though. You’ve got people pulling for you.