Fucking laryngitis. I’ve had it for almost 2 weeks now, since about 5 days after I first got sick. Still sick, still voiceless. I’d love to see a damn doctor, but after taking 5 unpaid days off of my (temp) job (which were originally slated to be vacation days spent in Florida with family, and ended up being days in bed with a wasted plane ticket), I can’t afford it. I’d use insurance, but I have none, because I can’t speak to my prospective employer about full time work because I have no fucking voice.
I’ve had so much fucking tea, lemon, and honey, that I’ve been shitting out lemon-fresh bees for a week. I’ve coughed up so much technicolor sputum that I could make a Pollack masterpiece.
I want to fucking scream in frustration, but nothing but air comes out.
There is this woman at my office with a really grating, irritating voice. Just before Christmas, she had laryngitis and thus was cruelly silenced for a day or two. She was like the famous children of yore: Seen, but not heard.
At the end of the first day of this, I felt less stressed-out than at the end of the average workday. You could almost say I was overcome by an eerie calm. Then it hit me: Ole’ G. hasn’t opened her mouth all day, except in whispered rasps audible only to those within her immediate vicinity. What an enchanting early Christmas present!
Funny – I have a cow-orker that talks all the time, and has the most grating, annoying, jackhammer voice (with a horrible accent to boot) that I’ve ever heard. Perhaps I should make a gift of my laryngitis to her.
I remember when I first had a tooth-brace. A gigantic plastic thing with barbed-wire round the edges. It’s amazing how much that you want to say you discover you didn’t really need to when you nearly have to resort to miming it.
