A few weeks back I did the unthinkable and broke the habits of a lifetime and went to a General Practitioner for a minor complaint. Usually I need to be near death before doing that but I had a strange feeing in my throat that had hung around for a while with no relief in sight. I presumed I would come out with anti-biotics or something. Nope, sent off for x-rays, ultrasound, blood and urine workups. That’s scary. For some reason when the doc suggested it may be a good idea while I was there to throw in a chest x-ray to get a baseline (I used to smoke heavily) I agreed.
The results came back inconclusive on my throat so I now have an appointment with an Ear Nose and Throat specialist in a couple of weeks time to stick a camera down my nose. The chest x-ray came back showing something on my lung. What that something is we do not know. I had a CT scan for that and am once again awaiting results.
Now, this is all terribly hard, waiting around, fearing the worst. My throat has been getting worse and my voice has been getting more gravelly by the day. Please understand that my voice is my livelihood. When my back injury allows I lecture at universities and make presentations and attend meetings and things where talking is vital. I have been pondering life without a voicebox for a couple of weeks now and it does not look like fun. Add in the possibility of dying in the style of my mother with lung cancer and I have not been having many joyous moments. I have however been incredibly busy so that has kept my mind elsewhere.
Yesterday I woke up with a minor cold, today my voice is completely absent. I have had to cancel appointments and meetings. This may be my final week with a voicebox and it is knocked completely out of commision. Of course it may not be my final week with a voice box but if you have ever sat alone waiting for test results that could be very nasty you will understand that that is not where my head is at. I have been planning my funeral, not the rest of my life.
I am waiting for the next kick to the head, come on, let me have it. I am down here, my back injury already completely upset my life plans and changed my world and left 10000 miles between myself and my partner in love and life and now I get all this on top of it. I did not need this cold as well, that just feels too cruel.
Somedays I wish I believed in a deity just so I could shake my fist at something. This is one of those days.
I’m sorry that your experencing this all alone.
Waiting for test results is scary.
I really hope that all you’re suffering from is a cold.
May I offer you a cyber cuppa with lemon and honey?
Thylacine, I’ll send good thoughts your way. And it’s a good thing you went to the doctor.
Last fall my father’s voice started being wicked hoarse, and hurting a bit. He was a heavy smoker - anywhere from 2-3 packs a day since he was rather young until November. They took a look down his throat and then did a biopsy, and determined that he had a malignancy on his larynx. What followed were about 6 weeks (? I know when he finished, but not the date the treatments started…from just after Thanksgiving to just after the first of the year, I think) of radiation treatments.
After he finished, they took a look and decided that they didn’t see anything remaining of the growth. It’s takes a year before they can declare him cured, but it was early.
Hopefully, if there’s anything like that with you, it’s been caught early and will be treated as well as my dad’s was. Best of luck!
Thylacine, I sympathize. In addition to apparently having whiplash, I also just spent about 24 hours dealing with a nasty case of stomach flu. I won’t post details lest this turn into a lieu thread. The problem with having no voice is you can’ t even scream at the universe. I won’t tell you not to worry – if you’re anything like me, that’s close to impossible. I’ll offer you a hug, instead though, if it’ll help. Also, if you like, write down what you’d like to yell at the universe, and I’ll yell it for you. I’ll even lend you my Deity, if you like.
Thankyou folks, nice to have a place where a whinge can be had and nobody runs about insisiting you have to be fine because they just couldn’t cope otherwise. I am sick of that.
I decided to treat the cold symptoms in the hope of feeling less miserable so I just unloaded my wallet at the chemist. I know it will make no difference to the length of infection but less drippy has to be more optimistic.
Did I mention I am 37? No, I think that is important. You see, I expected when I gave up smoking that I would likely have a rotten death from it one day, one day meaning 60 plus in my head. Not before 40, it just feels rude before 40 somehow to be having this double cancer scare.
Irrational? hell yes.
Oh, thanks CJ but you can keep your Deity, I am afraid I may break Him if I get too close, or vice versa
