Wow! OK, we all know the rules - you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. Or you have to kiss a few princes before you realize you’d be happier with another frog, so I’m comfortable with the…vagaries of human nature to be found in the dating world.
She contacted me, we exchanged e-mails, and I made the first phone call. I complimented her on initiating contact, since it seems a lot of women passively let the guys hit them up, then decry the lack of quality men available based on the aggressive assholes.
But the reason she’s forced to take matters into her own hands is because the only guys responding to her ad were:
“I don’t want to sound like a racist, but…those people. And I just don’t believe black and white people belong together.”
(Hurray for me - upon my loins might your favors be bestowed simply because I’m white and single. Oh sweet mystery of life at last I’ve found you)
FTR, this is the first native Southerner born since FDR was in the White House I’ve ever met who’s voiced any racist attitudes. And people are perfectly justified in being attracted to whoever they are attracted to, or not being attracted on the same criteria…
But cherishing the belief that other people don’t belong together?
The best part, she has a lot more dough than I do. It’s always a perverse justification to find out that people can make more money than you do but still be bat-asshole crazy.
I guess I’ll have to augment my profile from “no smokers, please” to “especially if you light your cigarettes off of burning crosses”
You’ve never heard a single southerner under the age of 63 make a racist remark in your entire life? That’s … unusual. I’m not saying this single out southerners. I’d find it equally unusual to hear somebody in any state saying they’ve never met a single racist.
FWIW the majority of dating adults out there, both black and white, will generally not cross dating color lines if same ethnicity relationship options are available. Are all these people passive racists in that they avoid dating inter-racially even if, unlike the woman you corresponded with, they don’t have some specific rationalization for it?
Have you told her that you don’t have Children yet?
Do you have any black friends with small children (but not too small)?
I ask these two questions because I’d be tempted to ask my black friends if the wife could walk up with the kid(s) while I was meeting this woman and have the child(ren) act like I was daddy.
While the hubby casually sat at a nearby table filming the scene for posterity.
I wrote: “And people are perfectly justified in being attracted to whoever they are attracted to, or not being attracted on the same criteria”
Not being attracted to black guys is a matter of taste. Not acceptng that other people may wish to date outside their race is stupid.
My fall-back position is that racism in the 21st C. USA is more likely a manifestation of mental disorder than a culturally acquired trait, and if I’m going to date a psycho-bitch I’d rather the manifestaion make her crazy in bed, not when channel-surfing past the BET.
She owns a chain of bakeries specializing in hot cross buns and white sheet cakes.
When the rest of America was buying the Chrysler K car, she bought the KKK car. Comes in one color: white (with a white hood). And it goes from zero to Alabama in six seconds!
The relationship couldn’t be long term unless you were willing to eat a cracker in bed, however.
Follow-up: this morning I sent a e-mail to her saying no more or less than this quoted:
“I’m glad we talked on the phone yesterday. Thank you for spending the time with me. You have some deeply-held convictions that I can’t agree with, so I won’t go any further and delay your meeting a guy more suited to your views.”
and received ths reply
“Thanks. The feeling is mutual”
Which is odd, since I didn’t say much about myself at all, but instead asked a lot of questions of her as I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Scary how I’m not the one drawing arbitrary lines accross the human genome pattern here, but because I don’t, I’m just as unpleasant to those who do as they are to me.
If Freakonomics is to be believed, most people exaggerate how tall/pretty/rich/female they are on online dating sites. I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.
I find it is important to remember that whoever you deal with observes the world from their own mindset, and that in each person’s mindset they are very unlikely to regard themselves negatively. To each of us we are the hero of our own story.
Likely this person spoke a truth in her mindset, and your lack of acknowledgement of this truth means you, like so many others, have failed to see this truth, and are thus a dissapointment. The fact that so many in this world share your viewpoint is not an indictment of her world view as it is an indicator that the world is going to hell in a handbasket, and so are you.
I’m going to have to disagree with it being a manifestation of mental disorder rather than a culturally acquired taste. You see, I’ve lived most of my life in southwestern Pennsylvania, and I’ve heard a few racist remarks and I’ve heard of a lot more. When you get out into the countryside, black people are a lot less comon and racism is more common. If you’re only exposure to people of other races is hearing about crime on the evening news, racism becomes easier to justify, unfortunately.
Intelligence doesn’t have much to do with it, either, in my experience. I once heard some now former friends who are members of Mensa make some surprisingly prejudiced remarks. They don’t know why I ended the friendship.
I do have some friends who have mental disorders and I’ve had some severe problems with depression. None of them are racists, but that’s one of the reasons they’re my friends. I don’t know of a mental disorder which could cause one to be a racist, although perhaps the aftereffect of a stroke might.
For me, I put racism down to a sort of willful ignorance and a lack of desire to understand or even associate with people who are different. I’ve seen it in kids who make fun of another kid who’s mildly mentally retarded, and I’ve heard it from people ranting against immigrants (I am one). As I said, it’s not an attitude I care for. Congratulations on your escape.
Update your profile so that it says: “Favourite song: Body Count - KKK bitch”.
Well, on reflection, that might attract the wrong crowd if they don’t know the song.
I do like the idea of having a couple of black kids running up to you shouting “Daddy, daddy!” too, though.
I wish I could say likewise – I’ve lived just the road from you in Duluth for almost 15 years now, and I’ve run into three or four of them. Not that they’d admit to it – so I guess we’re making some progress.
What I have seen a bit more than I’d expected is anti-Catholic bias. Then again, before moving here I lived in eastern Iowa and Los Angeles, both areas with large Catholic populations. I especially remember one grade school teacher I spent a couple hours with waiting in line to vote in the 2000 elections – she spent most of the time ranting about those evil Catholics, sort of a live-action Jack Chick tract. The only consolation I took from the encounter was that I was 99.9% sure my vote cancelled hers out
