I don’t use anasthetic for anything but root canals myself, but a scared screaming kid could be a nightmare.
That would be why the hitting occurred, no doubt. The poor kids were probably too terrified to scream.
I’ve had fillings done painlessly without anesthesia, by an incredibly skilled dentist, so it’s quite believable that a dentist might try this and fail. Maybe he was saving up anaesthetic for the children he molested.
I don’t understand the ‘family get-together’ part. If anyone messed me over like that, I doubt that I’d see them again.
And this ^^ is the Bottom Line.
As another example of medical misconduct: I found out from the boyfriend of an employee of a certain oral surgeon in my home town that the surgeon molested pretty female patients after they were under anesthesia for procedures in his office. The female employee wondered why she was always sent out of the room after the anesthesia was administered and found an excuse to peek into the room one time. She quit but never filed charges or alerted patients, unfortunately. This was in the late 60’s and I havent been back to the town in ages, so dont know what ever happened, but apparently its not that uncommon.
Could be worse. At least the molesting dentist didn’t use *general *anesthesia on you. Then you’d always be wondering.
I agree with most that has been said here: that kind of parenting is pretty nearly unforgivable.
But for your own sake, OP, you need to find some way to let the anger go. Holding on to anger and resentment like that only hurts you. Believe me, from one who has been there, you will feel so much better when you can say to yourself “those people were shit parents to me, I lived through it and now I’m over it.” It took me a couple years of therapy.
If you then choose to limit your contact with your parents, I don’t think most of us would blame you (Astro will have to speak for herself).
All the best to you.
Roddy
Yeah, and it sounds as if her mom wants to hushhush it and not own up to it, so it’s not as if they realized what they’d done, and at some point were sorry for it.
I’m sorry NWH, it sounds like a dreadful experience. Doubly so with your parents’ continued lack of remorse for THEIR screw-up.
(geez astro, did you read the WHOLE OP? The dentist was abusive and the parents didn’t care and continued to use him).
Not using anesthesia for fillings, perfectly normal, get over it.
Hitting you, guy’s a bastard. Still, it’s been how long? Get past it. Maybe find a therapist or something.
Hate your parents, don’t go to family get togethers.
Yeah. This sucks, OP, but the dentist no longer practices, so that door is probably closed. +1 on the therapy, because it will help You. If you can work past/through this, You will be so much better off.
If your parents are Toxic, save yourself by being elsewhere, in both body and mind.
As a child, cwSpouse was a patient of a dentist who didn’t use anesthetic for children’s dentistry. The dentist insisted that kids just “didn’t feel pain.” Fortunately, cwSpouse’s folks believed him when he complained, and the professional relationship was swiftly terminated.
My own parents seem to have had a general rule that adults could do no wrong with regards to kids. Creepy pediatrician? He’s doing his job. Orthodontist cemented a hunk of cotton under one ring, leading to chronic inflammation around that tooth (and regular lectures from the doctor’s staff, who were convinced I just wasn’t brushing my teeth)? Not possible - you’re imagining things. And so on and so on.
I know it’s a cliche’ but forgiving someone isn’t saying “what you did was okay”. It’s about giving yourself permission to move past it. Maybe thinking about it in those terms will help. You can forgive AND make the best decision for yourself regarding the person who wronged you. Forgiving doesn’t mean that you have to continue to spend time with them, if they’re toxic enough that you really do need to kind of cut them out of your life. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean letting them get away with it. It seems to me that this incident is still deeply wounding for you, and that you need some closure. You need to have validation that you were hurt (at the very least) and at best, that your parents say some version of “we made a mistake”. You were a kid, so they were likely young parents, and they’re human, so they made mistakes.
Maybe you need to have a talk with your parents. One that’s NOT in front of a bunch of other people at a family/public gathering, give them a chance to say “I’m truly sorry” without having to lose face in front of a bunch of people. If, after a private airing of this issue, they still won’t own up to their wrong, maybe it’s time (as other dopers have said upthread) to stay away from the toxic people. Or maybe reduce time spent with them or some combination thereof.
Not really. I had a lot of fillings done before I married and moved away. I never once got novacaine. When I needed a filling as an adult, at a military dentist, and he discussed the novacaine with me, I told him my history (and that the dentist didn’t sit in a cushy chair like he did!) he said, “Your dentist is very, very old school.” He didn’t think it odd, just old-fashioned. For the record, I saw this dentist from 1962-1979.
My dad was an abusive drunk and now he’s going to die alone, see how that works?
I know the answer to this question. Once a dentist told me that he couldn’t do an anesthetia. He began drilling, three times. Had to stop almost immediately each time, it was unbearable. Finally he did the anesthesia (so it turned up that he could), while ranting about the fact that the next patients would be waiting. So, the real reason he was doing that was to cram in more patient (and presumably to spare the cost of the anesthesia). So, the answer is : extreme GREED and complete disregard for the patient.
How can I be sure of this greed/disregard? He also told me that the extraction he needed to do on another tooth necessitated, due to its peculiar implantation, some specific laser procedure and that his clinic of choice was the only one in town with the required equipment. It turned out that the local public hospital had the same equipment, that this extraction didn’t require such a procedure anyway, and that the tooth didn’t need to be pulled to begin with (I still have it).
Also apparently didn’t respect basic hygiene (like changing gloves between two patients), was rather rude and had his waiting room filled exclusively with religious propaganda (FTR, I had a similar issue of trying to sell me an unecessary procedure by an eye doctor some years later, and he too had his waiting room filled with religious stuff. Warning sign, apparently).
And I guess the equivalent is that if one can’t understand human nature to that degree, the best strategy is to stay out of threads like this.
Focusing on the whys and hows of the dentist misses the forest for the trees, in my view, as it seems clear enough that the OP is reacting to a history of events, of which the dentist was just one. The OP indicates that there were any number of other incidents where he perceived that his parents belittled him or failed to protect him from harm, and engaged in unequal treatment among his siblings.
Whether or not it is possible to cobble together a view of the dentist’s actions toward the OP that is not entirely malign (obviously, the molestation of others is an inexcusable crime) thus seems beside the point. It’s not going to change the rest of the history of mistreatment.
To the OP: Your parents are a known quantity to you at this point, and they’re not going to change. Some counseling might help you develop tools and tactics for dealing with them in a way that’s not as taxing upon you. Otherwise, separating yourself from them is always your right.
I once went to a dentist who had an office like that, and he was REALLY old to still be working (I forget how old exactly but I saw the date of his degree on the wall and it was many decades previous) and the front office didn’t even have a computer, just a typewriter. And this was only a few years ago.
I was going to get my wisdom teeth out there so I went to the initial appointment and he was only going to do two at a time so I would have had to go back twice, and he gave me an x-ray from a really old machine so I assume I’m going to get brain cancer one day. I decided to go to a different dentist even though I had to wait 6 months to get in and that appointment was on my birthday!
This is so much sanctimonious bullcrap. Nope, not all parents do the best they can. Some resent their kids so much, and some are just ignorant and stupid.
You don’t know the life anyone else has led. My parents certainly didn’t do the best they could; they resented the fact that they had to take care of me and the shame I brought into the house by being born out of wedlock.
OP, I agree with the others, forgiving and not forgetting. Forgiving is so you can get the rage out of your heart. The opposite of love is not hate, it’s apathy, and when you get to the point where you mostly don’t care about your parents, you’ll know you’re as healed as you can be. You may never get there 100%, I still sometimes feel mad for what they did, but most of the time I am content and happy with my life.
And I’m wary around my dad and don’t let him sting me again.
ETA: Reading about the stories of dentistry without anesthesia make me cringe. Sorry, guys. 
I am so, so sorry.
My dentist as a kid was this ancient South African gent, who believed that if the cavity was small, anesthesia wasn’t needed. Considering my fear of needles at the time, I was all in favor of this approach.
Yup, my dentist as a kid didn’t use anesthesia on me when doing fillings. I’m still scared of the dentist decades later.