Somebody stole my balls!

Well, technically they weren’t my balls…they were the balls I’ve collected from other people.

I live right next to a tennis court, so it’s routine for people to hit balls over the fence which land on my patio. Over the years I’ve amassed quite a large collection of stray balls (naturally, I’m always willing to return other people’s balls if they ask for them, but most of the time they don’t bother) – more than two dozen, at its peak. Occasionally I’ll get neighbors asking if they can borrow one (or two) of my balls, which always struck me as odd…why would any tennis player want to play with someone else’s balls? Especially since my balls have been exposed to the elements for years, so they’ve become darkened and shriveled. But if a tennis player’s too cheap to play with their own fresh balls, whatever, I’m more than happy to let them play with my old crappy balls. At least, until now…

Last week, for the first time, I noticed considerable shrinkage in my ball stack. What used to be a pile of two dozen balls had suddenly become merely five; and today, all of them are gone. No more balls. :frowning:

Not sure what to do – I could report them stolen, but technically they weren’t my balls to begin with. And it’s possible that it wasn’t a person who stole them – do raccoons play with balls? Today I did a little CSI work outside, but couldn’t find any determinable footprints or obvious signs of disturbance, and nothing else on my patio has been fondled, except my balls. Therefore, my only real choice is to wait for stray balls to start accumulating again – which, sadly, will take years. Lesson learned…protect your balls!

Did you even get a chance to dip them in anything?

You really should see a doctor 'bout that.


Maybe Mr. T ate them.

Better see if Mr. T has an alibi.

More importantly, have you seen Mr. T or Chewbacca lurking around your neighborhood?

Brilliant OP, anyway! You’re lucky I wasn’t drinking anything when I read it or I’d be sending you a bill for a new keyboard. Just when I thought you’d have run out of ball jokes, wham there they were, right in my face. Bravo.

Nice EarthBound reference in your username too, BTW. :wink:

Louie took them!

Best bet?

Which of your neighbors has a dog? Mine would keep going back until they got every last ball. (Glad you didn’t notice at the time - we thought it might hurt a bit!)

I used to live right by a street vendor, so I had almost exactly the same problem with sausages…


I figured it was a confused squirrel who thought he’d hit the jackpot for a winter stash.

Have you looked in your wife’s purse?

Did you look everywhere in your sack? Sometimes one’s down lower than what you’d expect.

At first reading ,I thought someone got married.

Don’t think it was a dog, my patio’s got a pretty high fence which is too big for a dog to climb over. Even a person would have a tough time getting over the fence without making a ton of noise.

Heh, thanks…you’re actually the first person to notice that. :smiley:

Don’t groundhogs, or some similar creature, steal things? One probably burrowed up underneath your balls then chewed through the ball stack and started taking them one by one. I bet somewhere underground there’s a rodent with lots of balls.