- You’re being unreasonably burdened with caring for her baby.
- You like your pets.
- If you keep the pets, you will no longer be unreasonably burdened with caring for the baby.
Sounds like a win-win. Keep the pets and lose the freeloading sister.
Excellent question.
coffinjumper, what’s the situation there?
The way I’m reading the bolded portions, you already “got rid” of the animals?
I understand that this more your parents’ decision than yours, but why would you cave in to your sister’s demands, care for her child, evict members of your family (the animals) from your home and then be surprised when she continues to take advantage of you? Why wouldn’t she? She’s getting to behave exactly as she pleases without consequences, what’s in it for her to change?
I can’t speak with absolute certainty about the views of his family since my contact with them has been minimal. I do know that they are very interested in taking care of this baby to the point where when the baby was first born they pushed enough to get my sister to snap at them that she should get some say in how her kid is raised. Granted making her snap isn’t hard, but I agreed with the sentiment. I just wish she was more active in it now.
I don’t think they know what to think of her or the family in general. Every time my sister has gotten in a disagreement with them they’ve immediately bitched to their son the next time they talked to him so he calls her and yells at her. If you ask me this is a really shitty and passive-aggressive thing to do, but no one does.
I guess this is boiling down to I’m not sure, but I have the sneaking suspicion they just might let her.
We have friends of the family with them right now, it was the best thing I could suggest temporarily to my family for now. I just wish I did have more say in it. I am not giving up my personal kitty given to me for my last birthday though, I’ve decided that now no matter what my parents decide on our other ones.
And I have the sneaking suspicion I should be showing my Kinoko’s picture now, so here.
Kitty in a box! Squeeeeeeeeee!
Uh oh. I don’t think we’re allowed to squee in the Pit.
tries to muffle squee by sneezing
coffinjumper, have you discussed this with your parents? Have you asked them who is going to take care of the sprog when you go back to school? Does your sister pay for her baby’s needs? Does she pay rent? Does daddy pay child support? (Being that he is in jail, I guess not.) What is he in jail for? How long will he be in? Does your sister plan on resuming a relationship with him when he gets out?
When is graduation? Can you go to summer classes until then? I’d be trying to remove myself and my cat from this situation as soon as possible.
I know two families who involve a female sibling/in-law having a baby and staying in the same house and asking others to help. Well, dumping the baby on them and assuming they will help.
Each child is now over three years of age. Each mother is still doing whatever the fuck she wants. Each rest-of-the-family is still bitching about the mother’s behavior. And doing nothing about it because they love the baby too much.
I’ll say, “hope this resolves itself,” but my belief is, “Welcome to the next 6+ years of your life.”
You know exactly how this board works.
I sympathize with your sister problems. I agree that this will most likely be worked out between your sister and your parents. You can be a voice of reason, but there’s no guarantee that anyone will listen. Good luck. I’m glad that you’re looking out for Kinoko.
6+ years? - 18+ years for coffin’s parents. They’ve been given a late in life child of their own.
I’ve seen it play out a number of ways…
-
Low odds: Coffin’s sister gets her act together, moves out, marries a nice guy, and raises her child.
-
Low odds: Coffin’s sister moves in with the baby’s father’s parents and that arrangement works long term.
-
Better odds: Coffin’s sister moves in with the baby’s father’s parents, and eventually leaves the baby with them.
-
Better odds: Coffin’s sister stays with her parents and lives at home - being a piss poor mother, while coffin’s parents raise the child.
-
Best odds: Coffin’s sister gets bored of the baby, moves in with a new boyfriend or just takes off, leaving the child to be raised by coffin’s parents.
Yeah, I agree with Dangerosa - you don’t have a nephew, you now have a little brother.
You answered your own question there. She’s a selfish bitch who’s depending on you to take care of her kid so that she doesn’t have to. Actually, depending on is the wrong phrase–taking advantage of is.
I have to say I sympathize with you coffin. You’re probably in the worst situation here (save maybe the kid, but he doesn’t know it yet). You don’t have much say, and have to watch three people that you care about at odds over a forth person that you care about. There’s no good word to describe that except ‘suck’.
Almost. You forgot the part where she stops in every few months and occasionally takes the kid with her for a couple of weeks “He’s MINE after all!” until she realizes that she can’t be a “fun chick” and a mother at the same time and drops him off for another unspecified period of time until she gets another attack of guilt/maternity/warped selfishness and comes and takes him again.
And the parents won’t call her on it because then she’ll TAKE the baby and they’ll NEVER KNOW HIM.
The person for whom I have the least sympathy in this scenario is the sibling. “My sister is awful, wah wah.” Think about your poor parents who SPAWNED this waste of skin. YOU have the ability to change your lifestyle and move and get out of that codependent hellhole; they’re STUCK.
I’m surprised I missed this the first time.
Why? Because it works. She won’t stop until it stops working.
So, call her on it. Next time she dumps the kid, tell her you’ll drop him off at the police station on the way to class.
Point of order… she’s threatening to remove the baby from those who are caring for her/him/it. She is not suggesting that she will care for the baby herself, or even that the baby will be cared for at all.
Of course it’s possible that she isn’t that callous and she would mend her ways and care for the baby, but what a gamble to take… I’d be stalking with a spyglass with DFCS on speed dial, waiting for her to abandon him for even 10 minutes.
This is where I’d bet my money. With Hamadryad’s baby blackmail/baby as emotional club addition.
Jeeze, I didn’t realize having kids was so easy. I squirt one out, then make my family raise it. Simplest thing in the world, apparently.
For some real advice, your parents should know that raising kids around pets makes the kids better people, and possibly improves the immune system of the kids. Pets are good for people, including kids.
2 pets, no more, no less. Both less and more are associated with higher incidences of allergies and asthma, from what I’ve been reading.
I do want to take a moment to step in a say that it’s entirely possible for her to get her act together, even if no one puts their foot down. I had my baby at just 18, and similarly sponged off my mother for quite a while. I rationalized it by saying that I didn’t go out until he was asleep for the night, so it wasn’t really work for her - which was true, but it was also true that she felt it was work that she wasn’t entirely willing to do, and I just walked out the door anyway. She also watched him when I went to work or to school - a lot of hours, really.
And when she pissed me off, I’d grumble to my friends that I had the best weapon in the world - if she pissed me off just a tiny bit more, I’d just take the baby and leave and she’d never see him again, and how would she like them apples, huh, huh, huh?
It was all ridiculous, and entirely immature and stupid. But, then again, I was ridiculous and entirely immature and stupid. I did grow out of it eventually, and before he was ready for kindergarten, we were in our own apartment doing our own thing. But yeah, it took about 4 years for me to really get my shit together.
From there, I choose Door #1 of Dangerosa’s gameshow. Dated (not easy as a single mother who’s not even 21 yet!), made some mistakes, made some good decisions, and eventually ended up with a decent husband and father for my son. It is possible.