I’m a production DBA at a Financial Services company. We manage 30 or so database servers with a couple hundred DBs on them. I don’t typically deal directly with customers, it’s usually with Software Engineers or Application Administrators.
Every damn day my area gets at least one e-mail that looks like this:
“There’s some trouble with X application/database. Please check it out.”
Listen you dumb fucks. You’re software engineers or application administrators. Your position requires a degree, or at least some level of experience of dealing with computers. If a customer called you up and told you the application wasn’t working and left it at that, you wouldn’t be able to solve their problem (wait, that’s probably why you just passed it along to me…hmmm). You need info. At the very least, what fricking database are you connecting to, on which server? What were you doing at the time?
Regardless of what you might think, this is not Star-Trek where we can run a self diagnostic on the database and find out that the frammel-joiner needs to be compensated with a tachyon pulse. Databases don’t typically report things like “Attention, some dumbass executed a poorly designed query and it’s taking longer than the client expected.” It won’t tell me that you’re trying to connect to the wrong server and thus never even getting to the database at all. It especially won’t tell me which process it is that used to be working last week but is now not working…I am not going to search through 1,000 work orders to find out which one changed your process, either.
Include some details, asswipes, otherwise I just end up exchanging 10 more e-mails with you, and I have a 50MB limit on my e-mail!