Sometimes I'm ashamed...

…to admit I’m human after hearing (some) other humans in action.
Caught a glimpse of the 700 Club. They have a section where the “faithful” can write in questions about their lives and how to handle those questions biblically.

Question from So-and So in Bum Fuck: (Paraphrasing)…

"Dear Pat…

We are $26,000 in debt. We are using credit cards to pay our bills. We tithe the church $550.00 a month. Should we use our tithe money to pay our bills?"

Of course, Pat emphatically states that NO, you should NOT use your tithe money. You might be up shits creek without a paddle now but you’re buying your mansion in the next life by tithing (ok, so I embellished a bit but this is essentially what the moron said). He went on to give OTHER suggestions on how they could continue to buy their way to heaven and still pay their bills, like this gem…“You’re obviously over spending, you need to have less money going out and more money coming in.” Well, duh. And another suggestion…“Move to a smaller house ( but keep the money rolling in to reserve your seat in heaven).”

What is the matter with people? Is it just me? Are some people so ignorant that they need the likes of Pat Robertson to tell them how to pay their debt off by scaling down on spending EXCEPT when it comes to the church? With $550.00 going to the church every month is the church helping these people to pay their bills or are they expected to “pray that debt away” while continuing to support the church? “Well, honey, so we can’t pay our bills and will probably end up losing everything, have to feed the family mac and cheese for the next 20 years and STILL be in debt, but what-the-hay! As long as we continue to give the church a hunk of our income we’ll get our reward in the “next life”!”


How fucked. The church should be paying these people. Otherwise what the hell is tithing for, if it isn’t to (at least partly) help churches fulfil charitable obligations to help its less fortunate members?

What amazes me is that people still believe televangelists like Robertson and Falwell, even after the whole mess with the Bakkers.

It’s a little frightening to me, the emotional and mental blackmail that often goes along with tithing. I think that istara hit the nail on the head as to what should be the purpose of tithes. And many churches do use tithes responsibly and for the good of the community, without convincing parishioners that the monetary contibutions they make here on earth have a direct correlation to how they’ll spend the Afterlife.

However, my grandmother used to attend a church where the minister was a pompous ass who eventually turned off half of his “flock”. As a result, some church members began withholding their tithes (which, after all, paid his salary), and plotted to vote the bastard out of office.


He refused to count the vote of anyone who hadn’t been tithing (Wanna Vote? Gotta Pay), so of course he’s still there (albeit with a greatly diminished congregation). Of course, with fewer people, he’s having trouble maintaining the lifestyle to which he’s become accustomed, so now he’s gotten a little more creative. Once, he gave each church member one dollar (called it a “seed”) and directed each recipient to return $100 to him in a month (presumably the time it takes a “seed” to grow 100 fold?).

Anyway. Point is, I can’t believe someone hasn’t called Pat on this. Hey, Chekmate, do you think YOU could get YOUR letter to Pat on a 700 Club broadcast?

What did you expect Pat to say? Don’t get me wrong, if your dumb enough to ask the man who gets rich from your tithes if you should stop sending them to him, you deserve the answer you get. I’m not surprised, however, by Pat’s answer at all.

Okay, color me confused, but what kind of jackass asks for financial advice from a televangalist anyway?
The very foundation of budgeting is to put out less than you take in. If this becomes a problem, cut what you can, wherever you can. I think God might consider child neglect a bit more troublesome than a drop in your tithing.

And $550 monthly!? Is it just me, or do others find this amount outrageously high? I consider myself generous if I slip a fiver in the pot, at most twenty on a holiday…
Will god think I’m a tightass?


Well, a tithe is supposed to be 10% of your income? So, that would suggest these people make $66,000 a year.

so in other words, yeah–I’m a tightass.


Umm… ok you have to tithe to go to heaven and be a good… whatever you are.

So you’re paying god… to get into heaven…

Umm wouldn’t that make God a whore? And we know what he does to whores…

urhg… head hurting with contradictions…

If these are the people I can look forward to meeting in Heaven, then I’m packing the marshmallows and sunblock and getting ready for door number two.

Not a whore…more of a protection racket I think.

Could the FBI hit up God on RICO?

Hopefully you aren’t paying god to have sex with you.

More of Pat’s glurge: (Thanks to Michie of the Pizza Parlor for finding this and bringing it to my attention.)

They tithe $550 a month? Hmmm… with a smallish congregation of sucke…er, followers … I could make a nice little living being an evangelist. I’m definitely in the wrong field.

What is especially ironic about televangelists, (and the “700 Club” in particular). Is that the word “tithe” almost never appears in the New testament. It’s really more of an old testament concept. The closest Jesus ever came to addressing the subject is the following:

But he did adress giving to charity. Reading the following, you get the feeling that he would chastise anyone who desired membership to a club in recognition for giving 700 dollars:

So there is no need to keep a running account, just give what you can and don’t expect recognition for it. Please don’t allow preachers to praise your gifts on television.

Perhaps Peter said it best regarding the rewards gained by giving money:

So give to charity, but do so in order to help others. You aren’t buying anything. By giving to charity, you are treating your fellow man kindly and avoiding the sin of greed - You are not currying favor with God; he doesn’t care about money. “Give unto Ceasar what is Ceasar what is Ceasar’s”. He does want you to treat your fellow man kindly, however. It is possible to use money to aid your fellow man, but it is far from the only or even the most important way to show brotherly love.

Lastly, I think the boys from the 700 Club would do well to remember this passage:

Methinks that after the Second Coming ole Pat’s gonna have a big sandaled foot up his ass.

Gawd I love being an atheist…