Goddamnit! I can’t catch a break today.
I get dragged out of bed at 5 in the morning on an ambulance call. Ill subject. OK, it’s my job, I get it. We get there, this schumck has the FLU, THE FLU!
ASSHAT! You’re a 47 year old man, who, except for a phlegmmy cough, snotty nose, and a slight fever, is in good health. You don’t call the paramedics because you’ve got the goddamn FLU. Shithead.
I’m already up, so I figure, meh, screw it, I’ll go to the gym. I get changed, stick my trusty iPod in my pocket and off to the gym. Up two flights of stairs, got Metallica goin, gettin pumped up, then…
…pfft! nothing. My Trusty iPod flashed the withering battery icon and promptly died. Fuck! I just charged the damn thing yesterday! AND, it’s a NEW battery! You know, you fecking engineer guys, you can send streaming video from a remote control car on fucking MARS, but you can’t engineer a battery that lasts more than 1 day on a charge or even, EVEN one that I can, i dunno, CHANGE if the others haven’t the power to do what I need done. I don’t care if you gotta use chicken fat and grape jelly, I’m not the engineer, you are, THINK of something.
Get this through your heads, it’s not form OVER function, it’s form FOLLOWS function, goddamnit.
(though in your case, it’s form factor over function, but still…)
So, I figure, since I can’t really lift weights to the blameless, tame, vanilla elevator music that the club plays overhead (since the little old biddies are offended at the current ‘hit parade’ songs). I’d go swim my customary 20 laps, and get on with life a little earlier. I get my swim trunks and gear, and head to the pool.
GAH! The pool is absolutely LITTERED with fat little old ladies! Usually, there’s an open lane in which I can swim when the Bouncing Betties (so named because they bounce up and down in the pool doing their exercises with the foam weights and milk jugs)are in the pool. Usually they’re waiting for a aquarobics class, which, you know, is great for them, because they get to exercise and all that, which, you know, is good for older folks, get the blood moving and all that. But today, they’re all over the damn place. I can’t get a free lane. I ask to share the lane with the only person actually SWIMMING in the SWIMMING pool and I get a frigid ‘NO’. You bitch! I only need 1/2 your lane, now, I can’t even finish my already crappy workout. I ask nicely, again, and get ignored.
The kicker is, I can’t do as I was advised to do by other females of the species, and just jump in and start splashing about and acting like an ass to women that remind me of me own sainted mother (Goddess rest her soul). I just can’t be mean to an old lady, just can’t.
By this time I’m seething, and just go sit in the steam room and try to calm down.
Then, I’ve got a 9 am meeting, the principal presenter at which is lost in another fucking zip code, so there’s yet another hour of my life I won’t be getting back! Two words for you, guy. MAP QUEST!
And, to top it all off, I’m out of tea at work! AAARRRGH!