Since we’re getting into grammatical errors and not just cryptic lyrics, I’ll also throw out Paula Cole’s “I Don’t Wanna Wait”, which starts off:
So open up your morning light
And say a little prayer for I
You know that if we are to stay alive
And see the peace in every eye
If you’re going to incorrectly use “I” instead of “me”, at least come up with a better rhyme than “peace in every eye”, which isn’t even a true rhyme.
It does! I will be mentally substituting your version from now on.
Oh, jeez, can’t we give that poor woman some poetic license? Obviously, all she is trying to say is that you should wake up in the morning and say a prayer for her survival and also for world peace.
No, wait, that would be stupid.
Gimme fried chicken!
A ridiculous line at a climax of the song that ruins what is otherwise an awesome track by Queen.
From “Sweet Caroline”:
Where it began, I can’t begin to knowin’
But then I know it’s growin’ strong.
or maybe it’s
Where it began, I can’t begin to know when
But then I know it’s growin’ strong.
Neither of which makes much sense.
If going by memory I would have said “know when,” but I just listened to it and it’s pretty clearly “knowin’.” Which is pretty awful, but at least it’s a less strained rhyme with “growin’.”
This one bugs me because it could have been a much stronger lyric.
Joni Mitchell, “For Free”.
“I slept last night in a good hotel
I went shopping today for jewels
The wind rushed around in the dirty town
And the children let out from the schools”
And the children what? I assume they rushed around the dirty town too, but so what? Yeah, I get it, you’re looking for a rhyme for “jewels”.
Now change it to:
The wind rushed around in the dirty town
Like children let out from schools
And voila, you have a decent simile.
Here’s a new, really petty one . . .
The original “Time of My Life” from Dirty Dancing goes " . . .and I swear it’s the truth. . ."
The Black Eyed Peas version is ". . . and I swear this is true . . ".
Hot damn, but this irritates the ever lovin’ shit out of me. I don’t know if it’s because I only just got over my hatred of the original and now it’s been re-recorded by those twats or what, but every time I hear it I get irrationally angry. :mad: I told you it was really petty!
I thought she was saying the wind rushed around the town and the children (who happened to have been let out from the schools)
I’m not the first one to say it and it is also by no means the first time it has been said. And I’m not going to post the Alanis link yet again. But IMO the Black Eyed Peas have written the worst lyric of all time with:
“My humps, my humps, my humps.
My lovely lady lumps”
Gag.
A slightly more original choice is from Mika’s Big Girl You are Beautiful:
“You walk into the room,
Just like a big balloon”
That’s just what every women wants to hear to make them feel attractive, right girls?
I actually dislike their song “Imma Be” more. First, it’s just plain an awful song. Second, I really hate the word “imma”, meaing “I’m going to”. It just feels really lazy and half-literate to me.
That’s not to say the Black Eyed Peas have nothing to offer. I kind of like their song “Meet Me Halfway.”
True. They’re good to have on hand, now that you can’t buy ipecac anymore.
“One More Time” by The Clash
You don’t need no silicone
To calculate poverty
Uh, Joe? Silicon is in calculators, silicone is in (some) boobs.
My wife has an uncle who worked in Silicon Valley. One time when visiting him I accidentally called it Silicone Valley :smack:. I didn’t even notice that I did it until he teased me about it and then explained my mistake after I was like 
.
The only that that really bugs me at all about that song is that they had potentially two songs there: One of their generic-but-catchy-to-listen-to club songs, and what could have been a really interesting cover of of “Time of My Life”, but instead they mixed them, with the chorus for “Time Of My Life” being the chorus for the club song.
I actually love ‘My Humps’ because it’s so ridiculous (and I find bad lyrics much more offensive when the artists take them seriously, something that BEP, for all their faults, usually don’t do), but ‘Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)’ is on my shortlist for worst song ever recorded. Oh god I hate it.
I find with many Black Eyed Peas songs, I can overlook the lyrics because the production is often really, really good - ‘Imma Be’ (also mentioned upthread) is an example of this, for me anyway.
She Came in Through the Bathroom Window, according to the Anthology, refers to a police raid on one of the Beatles where they in fact came in through the bathroom window. So this line is intentionally insulting to the police, and thus makes perfect sense.It was one of our favorite lines when Abbey Road came out.
All of Carole King’s Smackwater Jack bugs me. Here is this guy who clearly murders a bunch of people, but she can’t resist insulting the chief who goes after him. I can think of lots of crimes where making fun of protecting people would fit, but mass murder? Uh-uh. The song as sung is actually worse in this than you get from just the lyrics. If she wanted a kneejerk anti-cop song she could have done a lot better.
How exactly is the chief being insulted? I don’t see it. “Bulldog mouth?” Is that what you’re seeing as an insult? I think it’s just a good way to describe a tough authority figure. It’s not like Carole was hell-bent on maligning the looks of Big Jim.
When you think about it, given a bulldog’s reputation for catching its prey and never letting go of it, it’s not a bad metaphor for a dedicated cop.