Jonathan King’s “Jerk Rhythm”. It was left off the American version of his “Pandora’s Box” album because it was so naughty.
Tennhippie: I agree, but “Running on Empty” is an exception. It’s the only JB album I own, but it’s a classic.
Hey, I can’t believe no one mentioned, “Blinded by the Light” by The Boss.
Can’t recall the artists, for some pathetic reason…
“Undercover Angel”
Possibly this referred only to nocturnal emission during sleep, but I count it anyway.
“Dream Lover”
Same caveat.
In Weird Al Yankovich’s “One More Minute,” he laments to his ex,
I guess I might seem kinda bitter.
You got me feelin’ down in the dumps.
'Cause I’m stranded by myself
in the gas station of love
And I have to use the self-service pumps.
Of course, it’s more of a breakup song than anything else, but that verse should get it an honorable mention.
Tina Peel’s “Wang It” covers a related topic (involving a partner.) Suzie Seacell’s “Me and My Vibrator” was an old Demented tune. Billy and the Boys’ “Life Size Rubber Doll” fills the bill. Scream’s “Spankin’ the Monkey” is a heartfelt exploration of this string’s ethos. “Friggin’ in the Riggin’” was a classic folk tune which Oscar Brand recorded. The Sex Pistols turned it into a rock number.
Medium Pace, by Adam Sandler
It was with some other MP3’s I was downloading. Horrible. Horrible. Horrible.
Hilarious.
“Girls of Porn” by Mr. Bungle. A little sample:
“My hand gets tired and my dick gets sore
But the girls of porn want more…”
Madonna - “Into the Groove”
…Only when I’m dancing can I feel this free / At night I lock the doors, where no one else can see / I’m tired of dancing here all by myself / Tonight I wanna dance with someone else…
“He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands” (traditional)
Okay, for a serious one “Darling Nikki” by The Artist Who At That Time Was Still Known As Prince.
Well, digging waaaaay back in the vaults, I come up with the Everly Brothers’ “(All I Have to Do is) Dream”, to wit:
I can make you mine
Taste your lips of wine
Anytime, night or day
Only trouble is
Gee whiz
I’m dreamin’ my life away…
Masturbation songs are more interesting when you can’t actually mention masturbation…
“That’s entertainment!” —Vlad the Impaler
If “references to self-abuse in popular music” include band names, I’d suggest Circle Jerks, Wackers, and Slammin’ Watusis.
Mirror in the Bathroom was by the Specials
Darling Nikki by Prince
“I saw her in a hotel lobby
masturbating with a magazine”
You want brilliance BEFORE I’ve had my coffee!!!
I cannot believe no one has yet mentioned “My Sharona.”
I find it hard to believe no one has mentioned “Touch Yourself” by Barnes & Barnes. Am I the only Dr. Demento fan among the Teeming Millions??