Songs that Hit a Little too Close to Home... on Several Levels

Cafe Society
1

My ex and I broke up a year ago today. Our relationship sort of lasted one more day, because we agreed to spend one last night together, and still gave each other a few farewell kisses as I was moving out the following day, but the decision was made exactly a year ago.

A few months earlier, around March 2022, as it was getting increasingly clear that we were nearing the end, I heard this song, which summed up my feelings perfectly. How something that had started so beautifully ended up utterly failing.

A year ago today, we sat next to each other listening to that song, still somewhat stunned by the decision we had taken that morning.

Can I go back there, back to the beginning again ?
Can I go back there, back to the beginning ?
Can I go back there, back to the beginning again ?
Someplace back where we were just beginning.

In the weeks that followed, I realised that it also applied to my relationship with my daughters. I remember how I used to hug them all the time, how we used to laugh on the way to school, how they would put their little hands in mine when I came back from work.

They didn’t call me for Father’s Day this year. Nor the year before. They stopped wishing me a happy birthday a long time ago.

More generally, I cannot help but acknowledge a deep sense of failure. 48 and single in spite of having had quite a few women in my life, a dead-end career in spite of a magna cum laude University degree, some clear signs that my body and my brain are starting to decline and so many missed opportunities and bad choices. So many things I would change if I was taken back to 1974.

Do you have songs like this ?

2

I have a lot of them, it’s hard to pick.

But since you’re talking about multiple levels, I guess I’d go with Madonna’s “Human Nature.”

She released it after her Sex book came out and everybody criticized and slut-shamed her.

Did I say something true?
Oops, I didn’t know we couldn’t talk about sex
Did I have a point of view?
Oops, I didn’t know we couldn’t talk about you

I relate this song to something different in my life, a situation where I disclosed abuse to my mother at the age of 17. Because the abuser was her husband, she lost her absolute shit and spent the next seven years trying to punish me as much as possible for telling the truth. She also reacted very negatively to me calling her out for her own abusive behavior.

This song is about telling your truth with no regrets.

It’s also about misogyny and a lot of other things.

Would it sound better if I were a man?

So it became a kind of anthem for me, especially whenever I felt a whiff of guilt for speaking out.

I’m not sorry, it’s human nature
I’m not sorry. I’m not your bitch, don’t hang your shit on me

Fast forward a couple of decades and I wrote a novel. It’s about a lot of really uncomfortable controversial things, because that’s what I had to write about. It features a heroine who’s pretty violent and a hero with some pretty messed up fantasies. Will I ever publish it? I don’t know. But I had to write it.

People’s responses were always pretty polarized. They either “got it” and loved it or they asked me why I would write something so dark, and can’t you change it to be about something else? Well this is a general theme in all my writing. I like to write about people on the margins of society, deeply flawed people, maybe a little freakish, but that’s how I express myself.

So suddenly this song is also about my identity as a writer. For me, it’s very healing and powerful.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad. Sometimes indulging in sad or angry music can really help.

3

I certainly have had songs that really resonated with me during breakups, and in their aftermath.

I had my first really serious relationship as a Freshman in College, the first time I ever used the phrase ‘I love you’ and had it said to me. When she broke up with me after being together for a year, I played Bob Dylan’s ‘Blood on the Tracks’ incessantly until I near wore out the grooves. 'If you See Her, Say Hello’ in particular reminded me of her.

When my second really serious relationship ended 8 or 9 years later, after being together for almost 3 years, much of it living together, Don Henley’s ‘Heart of the Matter’ was getting a lot of airplay, and the song helped me to get over her and move on.

I think it’s about
Forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if
You don’t love me anymore

4

For me it’s the lyrics from “Me and Bobby McGee”.

But, I’d trade all of my tomorrows, for one single yesterday
To be holdin’ Bobby’s body next to mine

Whoa.

5

If I Die Young (The Band Perry). My son died when he was 30 after fighting cancer for 1-1/2 years. It’s been 8 years and I still cry every time I hear it.

The lines that always hit me are:

Lord, make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother
She’ll now I’m safe with you when she stands under my colors
Oh, and life ain’t always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain’t even gray, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I’ve had just enough time

6

I remember that song. It’s really unique. I’m so sorry for your loss.

7

Thank you

8

I cannot even imagine how terrible this loss must have been to you.

All I can do is wish you peace and courage.

9

Seventeen by Janis Ian.

And those of us with ravaged faces
Lacking in the social graces
Desperately remained at home
Inventing lovers on the phone

…
When dreams were all they gave for free
To ugly duckling girls like me …

That was me at seventeen and long, long after.

10

Sometimes it seems like a song was inspired by my life.

Oh baby I see you in my Frigidaire
Yeah baby I see you in my Frigidaire
Behind the mayonnaise, way in the back
I’m gonna see you tonight for a midnight snack

  • The Cramps, “TV Set”
11

Thank you so much.