In Liverpool
On Sunday
No traffic
On the avenue
The light is pale and thin
Like you
No sound, down
In this part of town
Except for the boy in the belfry
He’s crazy, he’s throwing himself
Down from the top of the tower
Like a hunchback in heaven
He’s ringing the bells in the church
For the last half an hour
He sounds like he’s missing something
Or someone that he knows he can’t
Have now and if he isn’t
I certainly am
Lately, I’ve been listening to Too Much Time, by Captain Beefheart, obsessivly. It pretty much describes where I am in my life right now to a level that is, frankly, scary.
I got too much time,
I got too much time,
I got too much time to be without love
In my life, I got a deep devotion,
Wide as the sky and deep as the ocean
Every war that’s waged makes me cry,
Every bird that goes by makes me high.
Sometimes when it late,
I heat up some stale beans,
Open up a can of sardines,
Eat crackers and dream
About somebody to cook for me
I got too much time,
I got too much time,
I got too much time to be without love
*and when i held you
you would almost always hold me down
and you could see through everything i said i was falling
and you said not to fall on you
i’ve bitten every finger 'till it bled
wishing that you loved me too
wishing that you loved me too
wishing that
and when i kissed you
you would almost always kiss me back
but i could tell your mind was with someone else
so my hands are folded neatly on my lap and
i am picturing your body as i ask
myself if you love me too
wishing that you love me too
wishing that
listen to my nervous laughter
sunken deep inside my heart
my lips are dry i’m teary eyed for you my love
harken all you fallen angels
help me find a place to rest
my head is pounding here beneath
the weight of this
i’m wishing that
and you know me
oh you know me more than anyone
and when i hear your voice everything i’ve done disappears from memory
oh my darling come and save me
tell me i’m the one you’re dreaming of
tell me that you love me too
wishing that you love me too
wishing that you love me too
wishing that you love me too
wishing that you love me too
wish that i’m wish that i’m wishing that….wishing that*
So I confessed my sins to the preacher,
About the love I’d been praying to find
“Is there a brown-eyed boy in my future”
He said “Girl you got nothin’ but time”
But how do you wait for heaven?
And who has that much time?
And how do you keep your feet on the ground
When you know you were born to fly?
Or Leean Womack’s I hope you dance
Livin’ might mean taking chances but they’re worth taking
Lovin might be a mistake but it’s worth making.
Don’t let some helping heart make you bitter
When you come close to selling out, reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,
I hope you dance.
I find that country music often has the best “cheezy” songs that let me get all introspective.
When my wife died five years ago, this Garth Brooks song (written by Tony Arata) seemed to sum it up:
**The Dance **
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars alone
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you’d ever say goodbye
And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I’d’ve had to miss the dance
And when I fell in love again after a lonely time, this Tish Hinojosa song was so appropriate that we played it at our wedding:
Who Showed You the Way to My Heart
Tell me- how did you know just where to find me?
I thought I left love far behind me,
So, who showed you the way to my heart?
Some say love comes and goes and it’s a fool’s play
But something tells me that you’re here to stay
Who showed you the way to my heart?
What was it I didn’t see?
Who showed you how to believe?
I couldn’t say where I’ve been
You taught me living again.
I know love finds a place to grow and then waits
For those who take it slow, but even so-
Who showed you the way to my heart?
Vida, tu eres mi hogar, me senda
Quisiste caminar y ya que estás
El fuego in mi corazon
Antes que en yo si
Yo en amor desde ti
Como supiste encontrar
Mi en la oscuridad
Tell me- how did you know just where to find me?
I thought I left love far behind me,
So, who showed you the way to my heart?
El camino a mi corazon
Who showed you the way to my heart?
Let’s see. “Good Intentions” by Lyle Lovett is my theme song.
I’m not a Richard Marx fan anyhow, but one of my best friends in high school told me “Hold On To the Nights” was her song to my boyfriend. Which I thought was sweet. Until I found out she’d been sleeping with him for three months…and I listened very carefully to the lyrics.
Madonna’s “Beautiful Stranger” came out when I was pregnant with my last kid.
Not very exciting, but I don’t usually angst to music…or if I do, it’s a sort of free-floating angst. “Oh my god…‘Dancing Queen’…BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” You know…anything’ll do.
Well, right now, Nothing Else Matters, (I love that song), but I also have a rather unusual habit of reinterpreting the lyrics to songs until they fit given situations in my life.
Running on Faith, by Eric Clapton, almost a year ago. I was reeling from the breakdown of a relationship, I’d just managed to barely pass my freshman year, and I had been unable to get cast in a single production for the past six months or so. The song fit.
Oh, another good one. After getting home from my high school Prom (me? Prom? a year ago I would have laughed at myself), I heard Wonderful Tonight (Clapton again) on the radio. It was three in the morning, I’d had a wonderful time, and once again, the song fit.
So you flung your fist high in the air
But the world remained the same
And all the demonstrations
Filtered out through graduations
And the times that were a-changin
Never changed
Freedom takes on new meaning
When you have a family of five
And peace and revolution
Dissolve in their own solutions
When you’re fighting for your life just to survive
It’s then you’ve gotta
Hold on
To what you believe in
Hold on
Don’t let it fade
Still you’ve gotta
Be strong
Find yourself a reason
You’ll never change the word but just the same
You’ve gotta hold on stronger each and every day
Hmmmm. Better go listen again…I need some inspiration.
I had been dumped and backstabbed by my girlfriend and (then) best friend and I was at one of the lowest points in my life.
These two songs summed up my feelings exactly and I associate them so much with that period that I still feel a bit weird when I hear them.
Nobody’s Side from the musical Chess
…Everybody’s playing the game
But nobody’s rules are the same
Nobody’s on nobody’s side
Better learn to go it alone
Recognize you’re out on your own
Nobody’s on nobody’s side
The one I should not think of
Keeps rolling through my mind
And I don’t want to let that go
No lover’s ever faithful
No contract truly signed
There’s nothing certain left to know
And how the cracks begin to show!
Never make a promise or plan
Take a little love where you can
Nobody’s on nobody’s side
Never stay too long in your bed
Never lose your heart use your head
Nobody’s on nobody’s side…
and
Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse of the Heart (as I interpreted them at the time)
…And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you were only holding me tight
We’ll be holding on forever
And we’ll We’d only be making it right
Cause we’ll would never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line The lack of Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don’t know what to do and I’m always in the dark
We’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever’s gonna start tonight
Forever’s gonna start tonight
Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I’m only falling apart
There’s nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart…
Fenris, who got over it, but man…first loves and first betrayals suck.
Sometimes I get the feeling
you forget that I’m a friend
I just with that you’d remember
We wouldn’t have to go through this again
So hold your head a little higher
I wanna see the fire in your eyes
I don’t believe that you’ve lost your desire
That ball and chain
it doesn’t suit your style
I live at the end of a five and a half minute hallway
but as far as I can see you are still miles from me
in your doorway…
but there’s only so far i can go
when youre living in a hallway that keeps growing
i think to myself, five more minutes and i’ll be there
inside your door
but there’s more to this story than i’ve been letting on…