Songs they'd NEVER let contestants perform on American Idol

Cafe Society
1

I assume the producers of American Idol have a list of songs available to perform, but in this fantasy world, the contestants can choose any song pending approval. What songs would they reject for reasons other than quality? Genre could be considered, but assume the choice otherwise matches the week’s theme.

“Sell Out” - Reel Big Fish
“Poem on the Underground Wall” - Simon & Garfunkel
“I Bet You They Won’t Play This Song on the Radio” or “Sit On My Face” - Monty Python
“Johnny Tarr” - Gaelic Storm
“Molasses to Rum” - 1776 musical

Care to add or dispute?

2

Darlin’ Nikki - Prince & The Revolution

3

“Nature Trail to Hell” by Weird Al.

4

Anything by Tenacious D, but most notably “Fuck Her Gently” and “Double Team.”

5

That one by Violent Femmes about jerking off.

6

I Touch Myself - The Divinyls

7

‘Liar’ by Henry Rollins

8

Did you mean “Blister in the Sun”?
I would think “Add it Up” would have trouble getting by the judges or “Dance, MotherF**ker, Dance”. As would “The Roof is on fire”

SSG Schwartz

9

“Goodbye Horses” by Q Lazzarus–think Silence of the Lambs Buffalo Bill scene.

10

I still think that song’s about a guy who decides he’s gay.

I also nominate:

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, AC/DC

Murder By Numbers, The Police

Fuck Me Kitten, REM

Fuck Tha Police, NWA

Killing In The Name, Rage Against The Machine

Uncle Fucker, South Park movie soundtrack

What The Fuck Was That, Evil Dead: The Musical soundtrack

Move Bitch, Ludacris

11

My Way as performed by Sid Vicious

Waiting for the Man by Velvet Underground

Heroin by Velvet Underground

12

I am picturing Clay Aiken singing this and it feels very wrong. However, I expect that Carrie Underwood could actually sing this without missing the point (as part of a musical production; I don’t think a song praising the necessity of slavery would make it very far otherwise), but not on American Idol.

Here are some more:

– “Drive” – Melissa Ferrick
– just about anything out of The Who’s musical, Tommy, but especially the song about the child molestor babysitter
– any number of Pretty Balanced songs, but especially “Emyli,” which is about domestic abuse, and “Floating,” which is about the love that dare not speak its name

13

Rocky Top

14

Even though:

He uses the big hand too much for his girlfriend’s satisfaction.

SSG Schwartz

15

I think she’s crying because he’s obviously attracted to guys with big cocks:

“Big hands, I know you’re the one?” He’s not talking about his hands, he wants a guy with a big schwanz. Who is it he’s checking out when he’s high as a kite?

16

Wonder if Steely Dan’s “Dirty Work” would make it on. I can only hope so.

17

Did you meanCousin Kevin?

18

From wikipedia on Blister in the Sun:

19

I always thought he was checking out too many chicks and spilling his seed by his own big hand before he was to have sex. How else would he stain his sheets?

SSG Schwartz

20

That was my choice.

Granted, the following aren’t terribly popular songs, but imagining a Idol-ite crooning them makes me giggle.

“Balls To The Wall,” Accept
“Big Balls,” AC/DC
“Pink Thing,” XTC (but it’s about a baby!)
“My Ding-A-Ling,” Chuck Berry
“Sexual Healing,” Marvin Gaye
“Cop Killer,” Body Count
“Reel Around The Fountain,” The Smiths