perhaps nancy grace?
My initiation was pretty salty.
I am not a Delta Gamma.
I’d like to hear Christopher Walken give it a run-through.
Shhh. We can’t assume she ment for them to he sluts
Yes, she does.
Hands down, Lisa Lampanelli…this rant is right in her wheelhouse.
I thought I was reading the script for the Trailer Park Boys Meet the Mean Sorority Girl movie.
When’s the next SNL? I say Cecily Strong does it.
It does remind me of Lucifer in Milton’s Paradise Lost. But with profanity.
And as for who should recite it, A letter that over the top requires an orator equally over the top…
Harvey Fierstein in full grand dame costume.
That was my first thought, too - imagine the Dowager Countess reading that!
Totally. What was the term? Oh yes - “A bitchtastic reading…” 
Hmm, good points - now I can see M threatening to cunt-punt James Bond (but in all fairness, I think most women who meet him want to cunt-punt him).
Oh, yes!
I’ll throw something a little different in here - how about Morgan Freeman reading it? His voice reading things is such a cliché at this point that it might be pleasantly meta. 
Well if we’re letting guys do it then Samuel Jackson is my choice.
I would simply like to thank her for adding “cunt punt” to my vocabulary.
Having just read it, I am thinking: “I do not remember being in a sorority, or being female for that matter, but that sure sounds like me. I wonder when I wrote that.”
There are three speeches, or brief monologues, if you will, that I’ve long desired to make. If you’ll permit, I submit this open reply to our Miss Congeniality.
*Julia, I’ll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or didn’t give a few blowjobs to our male party guests - we didn’t. But you can’t hold a whole sorority responsible for the behavior of a few, healthy moral individuals. For if you do, then shouldn’t we blame the whole greek system? And if the whole greek system is guilty, then isn’t this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Julia - isn’t this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we’re not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Ladies! *
Oh, and if Dame Judith or Morgan Freeman aren’t available, how about James Earl Jones?
Probably while driving. Or is it just me?
Sweet!
Werner Herzog.
Diane Rehm.
It would take her a while to get through it, but I think I might throw my back out from the laughing.
I’d also like to hear Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy read this.
Look, if you’re going to have an actress do this speech, you get Hailie Steinfeld to do it as Mattie Ross from “True Grit.”
[QUOTE=Mattie Ross As The Psycho Sorority Woman]
Of course, my sisters, I am strained in my understanding of why one would wish to express support for the opposing school’s athletic squad. Irrespective of one’s position on matters of gentility in sport, I would, upon discovering you engaged in such activity, be required to forcefully kick your vaginas. I must, furthermore, emphasize the importance of maximizing our sociability at the next soiree, so that our reputations as ladies of an entertaining nature. Go fuck yourself.
[/QUOTE]
(slow clap)