Or Nathan Lane…
Wow. This girl has a way with words doesn’t she? We need her here on the SDMB. 
Well except for the racist stuff.
I’m declaring myself the winner for this suggestion of whom should read Miss Congeniality’s screed: I nominate…
drum roll
Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II.
cue: “Pomp and Circumstance”
For next Christmas?
Maybe. When is Her Royal Highness, The Duchess of Cambridge due? That could be an appropriate occasion too. Liz isn’t that much of a spring chicken anymore. I’d hate for her to put it off too long.
I would pay good money to see that.
I just started laughing so hard I broke into a pretty heavy cough, at the mention of Diane Rehm reading that. Thank you!
Brilliant!
Not to belabor this side discussion, but, I like that moderators would try to keep the topic off of sexual innuendo if the OP was not really about sex in the first place.
Really, the cited email is comedy gold on its own merits.
Yeah, pretty sure she’s being “ironic” with her account after reading that one.
I am now convinced this is one big performance art piece and we have all been trolled by Sorority Girl.
I think sorority girl wears a short skirt and a long jacket.
She’s the girl from the Cake song??
I don’t. It stinks too much of trying to direct the discussion beyond the limits of what is useful for a message board.
Which is probably not much below the age at which somebody would believe it’s a swell term to throw around at other people. Though it does have a certain elemental percussive musicality to it.
Though it’s fascinating to see college females have progressed to the point of feeling free to hyperbolically threaten physical violence against their compatriots who they consider to be slacking off, geez, lady, it’s a sorority house organizing parties, it’s not the 1st Marines breaking out of Chosin.
Sad thing is, there WILL be people who WILL say that those alone are THE important lessons to be gleaned from this, and that though uncalled-for bullying will make the entire Internet mock you, it’s worth it if you show what an Organization (Wo/M)an you are.
Your team is not on the game plan and doesn’t care? Tell them. “Ladies, you obviously think the purpose of this organization is different than what it actually is; I’ll say it only once, fly right or reconsider your participation. Don’t like it? Leave, now.” No need to cuntpunt anyone.
Thing is, today’s college women and men know that after they leave college, they will go into a world where the employer expects tireless commitment FROM them but feels no loyalty TO them and considers *them *fungible. So they go into it already asking the Joker’s question. Answer it as if you were answering adults and if they don’t get it show them the door and work with those who do.
When someone in charge begins to rant and rave and hurl over-the-top abuse at the team and loudly reiterate to them with threats what their place/duty is, it’s often (though not always) a sign of a failure to exercise leadership from the start and that they’re not quite in control.
Well… you got the skirt part right. The non-anonymized pic is purportedly her.
As for voices/characters reading that scree, I am going to go oldschool and outa the box here. The character Ester, Fred Sanford’s sister in law and archnemisis. Her saying such things while swinging a bible and a purse would just have an extra something something to them IMO.
I would like to nominate Stephanie Hodge to read the piece, based on her delivery of the phrase "Fuck her! It’s your turn now!’ at the 4:19 markin this video. Video imagery is completely safe for work … it’s standup comedy … but language is totally NSFW. And totally hilarious. Start at the 4 minute mark, it’s her “Jungle Love” routine. Had me in stitches.
If its true that part of the legitimate function of a sorority is to inculcate the disciplines of putting on a false front and catering to clients in a manner with a significant subtext of sexuality and submission in the context of college social and recreational events then sororities are even more vile than I thought they were.
Can you even imagine a frat boy being berated in this or in any other manner for going to such a party and spending too much time talking to their own friends or for mentioning socializing with other people or any of these transgressions?
To the extent that this sorority is inculcating professional standard, the profession in question is unambiguously the one commonly known as the “oldest.”
As Less Nessman would say in glee “ohhhhh, a farmer?!”