What would be the easiest way to destroy all of space/time?
Can I do this for under $83?

Thank you.

Mad scientist on a budget, eh?

Ok, well then you need to find something that has mass, that’s free, and that you can find a whole lot of - like AOL promotional CD’s. Compress this matter to infinite density (you may need to embark on a rigorous exercise program to gain the proper strength - bathing in radiation from the local power plant doesn’t work as well at giving super powers as some people would like you to believe). Now that the AOL CD’s are infinitely dense, you have a singularity and you’re a third of the way there.

You need some wheels, specifically a truck with some serious horsepower. Take your $83, go to your local Avis and rent a Ford F-250 with a nice strong tow hitch. Hook up the singularity to the tow hitch and drag it across the countryside, sucking up said countryside into the singularity. Next stop, Cape Canaveral.

You shouldn’t have too much trouble stealing some booster rockets from NASA. Who’s going to mess with some dude in a F-250 towing a singularity? Not me. You are also going to need to grab some supplies from Home Depot, but again that shouldn’t be a problem. If you have traveled enough, you should have sucked up most of the Earth by now. Using the stuff from Home Depot, bolt the shuttle boosters to the Ford and blast off out of the atmospere. Pick up the rest of the Earth from orbit, and grab the Moon, Venus, and Mercury on your way to the sun. It’s pretty bright there, so bring some sunglasses. It’s also going to take a while to suck the suns mass into the singularity, so it might be a good idea to pack some of your favorite tunes and a ham sandwich.

After you’ve bagged the sun, hit most of the outer systems next. That singularity needs to be a black hole, and not just any black hole, but one badass black hole before you can attempt the galaxial core. You need mass for that. Once you got the core, downshift and tow that bad mother around the Universe. If you can grab every galaxy, your almost done. Throw the Ford into reverse, and drive into the black hole. Now all the mass in the universe has flipped into a singularity and isn’t really “mass” as we know it. No mass = no space = no time.

Good luck

Beeblebrox, your post borders on the sublime. It is rare indeed to experience both the awe of scientific grandeur, and the beauty of finely honed baloney. :slight_smile:

I liked your post a lot…very clever. Unfortunately I will take exception to this last bit. A singularity is mass…so much mass that it scrunches itself into a singularity. Your method of destruction would wipe out everything in the universe but there would still be a universe. Over an insanely long time your black hole would actually evaporate and disappear. It could only do so if time still existed that allowed it to evaporate.

Nope…to destroy space/time you’d have to come up with a method to bring the entire universe back to a Big Crunch. Unfortunately, all the mass and energy in the universe that currently exists doesn’t seem sufficient to halt the universe’s expansion. You’d need to find some way to add mass/energy to our universe to get the expansion to reverse direction and that would probably require your tapping into another universe to get what you need (assuming such things exist at all).

How you can tap into another universe for $83 is beyond me since I don’t think anyone has a notion of how to do such a thing even if they had limitless resources.

[sub]I remember a Ren & Stimpy cartoon where Ren had Stimpy guard the History Eraser Button. Unofrtunately they didn’t know if pressing it would be good or bad so I can’t say what the results were.[/sub]

**Ah, but you forget that if he’s nice and thorough, all the mass should now be in the singularity. It has no volume, and since there is no longer any mass outside the singularity, there are no longer any reference frames. Not a single one. Simple relativity tells us that time can not exist without motion relative to a reference. Therefore the singularity can not evaporate over time because there is no time. Also, there is no space for it to evaporate to because, again, there is no reference frame. No reference frames = no Universe. This is The Big Crunch.

You do bring up a good point about energy requirements, however. The Ford F-250 gets notoriously low parsecs per gallon, and the domestic fuel just doesn’t have a high enough octane rating anyway. Our budding mad scientist is going to have to step out of the cab, lock the hubs, and do some off-universe driving in order to fill up at an inter-dimensional Amoco. I don’t think they take VISA though, and that might be a problem.

Wait, wouldn’t the singularity suck you, the pick-up, and the whole planet up? Then wouldn’t the singularity have some inertia left over from the earth’s orbit, and then wouldn’t it get pulled towards the sun ? Then what would happen? Would it settle into one spot in the milkway galaxy? Or would it continue moving throughout the universe?

There is no space.
There is no time.
There is no matter.
There is no energy.
There is no life.
There is no consciousness.
Nothing exists.
It’s all an illusion.
Deal with it.

Be patient.

Wait long enough and either:
The universe will disperse into cold evaporated nothingness, or
The universe will collapse into hot dense nothingness.

Shouldn’t take more than, hmm, let’s see, ten or twelve trillion years. C’mon back a week from Thursday and we’ll update you on our progress.

I think I am going to have to revise my plan to just destroying the surface of the Earth. My two best ideas are 1) some sort of device to change the path of asteroids (or maybe the moon) or 2) anti-matter. Anybody know how to make anti-matter? How much anti-matter would I need? Any other ideas on how to destroy the surface of the Earth would be greatly appreciated. We have to work together as a team. I mean the surface of the Earth isn’t going to destroy itself? It not like those fat cats in Washington are going to destroy the Earth. Well, not fast enough anyway. Once we have destroyed the surface of the Earth, we can plan the destruction of space/time form the international space station, which we need volunteers to capture.

quoth Beeblebrox

i don’t think heisenberg would let you do that. the probability of all particles being inside the black hole may be quite high, but the factuality is always up for grabs.

plus, the quantum foam, it would be a’roilin’.


oh, and to break space-time (including the surface of the earth), you need fifty dollars worth of lsd, and a choose your own adventure book.


  1. eat all acid.

  2. when acid kicks in, read choose your own adventure book sequentially; that is, page one, page two, page three, etc.

  3. keep reading until you have

3a) transcended, or

3b) broken Planck’s constant.

I can make antipasto.

The way I make it, it’s almost like antimatter.

There was a commission once commissioned in charge of deciding whether it was a possibility if some such experiment or another would allow for a state transition to a more stable vacuum, effectively ending the universe as we know it.

It was determined in some way that this was probably not going to happen.

Anyone remember this?

I think it was a particle experiment at Brookhaven, wasn’t it? I do vaguely remember that there was this question about what they would see if they did something or other, and whether this would end life as we know it or not, but I don’t remember the specifics at all.

Well, to take a different approach to universal destruction…I seem to recall an old Sci-Fi story that had a bunch of Buddhists hiring a computer programer to write a program that would calculate all of the possible names of God (WHICH God, I don’t know) in about 100 days. After that, the universe would cease to exist.

Failing that, I seem to recall that according to legend, if the Jewish Temple in Jerusalem is ever rebuilt, the apocalypse will begin. So for $83…you could buy blueprints for one of those do-it-yourself Aluminum garages from one of the ads at the back of “Popular Mechanics,” somehow get close enough to the ruins in Jerusalem (just a warning, though…the guys at the Dome on the Rock might not want to cooperate.), slap up your corrugated Temple, restart whatever rituals went on there in the past, and wait for the skeletons riding multicolored horses to show up and ask you if you need a lift.
(And all this from an atheist, no less)

It’s really easy. It only requires two steps.

-Spend $8 to buy a C-drive at your local Radio Shack (a C-drive isn’t that silly little memory storage device on your computer. It’s an engine that allows space travel at the exact speed of light).
-Spend $76 on pizza and bubble gum.
-Activate the C-drive.


Note: The purchase of pizza and bubble gum doesn’t count as one of the steps.

Suggestion One:

  1. Convert your $83 into an equivalent amount of gold-pressed latinum.

  2. Invest your latinum, increasing the amount you have until you have enough to bribe a Federation scientist into building you a time machine.

  3. Bribe a Federation scientist into building you a time machine.

  4. Use the time machine to travel to the 29th century, when you steal the Tox Uthat, which instantly (or near instantly, anyway) ceases all nuclear reactions within a star when used.

  5. Use the Tox Uthat to destroy all the stars you want. Start with our Sun, if you want.

Suggestion Two:

  1. Get an omnipotent entity, preferably a Q, to shift your mind between yourself in three different time periods.

  2. In each of these time periods, convert your $83 into gold-pressed latinum and invest it until you have enough to bribe the Klingon Empire into stealing a Galaxy class starship.

  3. In each time period, take the starship to the same point in space (relative to the galactic center), preferably in the Alpha Quadrant. Have each starship’s main deflector modified to emit an inverse tachyon beam.

  4. The intersection of these three beams will create an antitime anomaly which will grow larger as it moves backwards in time. By the time it gets back to the creation of life on Earth, it will be big enough to interfere. By the time it gets back to the creation of the earth, it will be big enough to completely stop it. By the time it gets back to the beginning of the universe, well, you’re done.

Um, Beeblebrox, wouldn’t there still be the Milliways restaurant?

It was about venus, or some moon or such… There’s a theory that the magma distribution of a planet/moon can be unstable and the surface of the whole thing turns inside out periodically. Maybe you could just make the earth boil over somehow? Still easier than giving it a kick into the sun.

Was it about strangelets? : Would I be disintegrated by a Strangelet?

No destruction confined to and started from the inside of our universe would propagate faster than light speed. And isn’t the theory that the outer parts of the universe move too fast away from you to reach them in any time?

But then again, assume the universe is infinite. There would be an infinite number of mad scientists with the same idea, all starting their own little sphere of local destruction. The time needed to entirely destroy the universe would depend on the distance between each of them. Unfortunately, this distance approaches zero, because all of them seem to be sitting at this message board. Damn.

Isn’t there another theory, saying that after the big bang the properties of space crystallized out in shape of growing bubbles? Just like the mad scientists on a reversed time scale. Think about it.

Yeah, I was probably thinking strangelets. That sounds like the right time frame and right place, at least.