For Halloween, I’m going dressed as a monk, and I plan to carry a staff with a sign that reads “Dispensations for Sale”, like the catholic church used to do in return for donations. I need a list of dispensations of a personal nature. I need stuff like:
“You are allowed to speed without guilt when you’re late for an appointment”
“You may skip raking your leaves until next weekend”
“You are allowed to climax Friday night without worrying whether your parter also sees the rocket’s red glare”.
Who’s got suggestions?
Kat
October 26, 2000, 4:50am
2
You may break your diet to eat Halloween candy without guilt.
You may turn down the sound on the TV every time fat old Sally Struthers makes a charity appeal in her whiney voice without feeling a pang of guilt.
Food and drink consumed on holidays does not count as breaking your diet.
Duke
October 26, 2000, 4:31pm
5
…take 12 items through the ‘10 Items or Less’ lane."
…fantasize about the friend(s) of your choice."
…drink the last beer in the house."
…not go to your mother-in-law’s for Christmas again ."
BTW, what are you asking for in return for your dispensations?
Billdo
October 26, 2000, 4:39pm
6
. . . remove the tags from your mattresses.
. . . lather and rinse without repeating.
“You don’t have to brush your teeth before your next dentist appointment. In fact, you can eat a Butterfinger right beforehand if you want.”
“You can make up a completely ficitious story that makes you look really good, and tell it to whomever you want.”
“You can watch Baywatch or rent its fluffy movie equivalent without justification.”
“You can grope a monk.”
“You can scratch yourself whereever you’re itchy.”
“You can swear all you want for the rest of the night.”
“You can steal anything you want from the host’s fridge. Take their mustard.”
“You can leer openly at anyone at the party you find attractive.”
Some good stuff here - keep 'em coming!!
If she’s cute, a hug or a kiss. If male, a beer. If still a rugrat, my choice of the loot in their trick-or-treat bag. Seems fair to me.
Giraffe: watch where you put that tongue, OK? We don’t know where it’s been…