Spiders. In my BED.

I am super tired today.

There are holes in my bookcase headboard from some missing piece, so every time I look up and see a black dot I think it’s a spider. Of course it’s never a spider.

Except for when it IS!!

Some time last week I killed a spider on the headboard. Last night I got one and it made me jittery so I was awake longer than I should be, whereupon I saw a THIRD spider. I quickly managed to kill it and then went to sleep on the couch. By then I was wide awake so I didn’t get to sleep until about 4 AM.

Now I need to move my bed away from the wall and vacuum and dust under there. Only I’m terrified that I will happen upon some fucking spider NEST that is the source of these three creepers and then I will die of fright.

I’m thinking of asking my mom to come over and help me clean (literally help in the sense of being there so I’m not as scared) but she’s got a weird schedule and wouldn’t be able to help til like Friday and well…am I going to sleep on the couch until Friday?

I am nearly 33 years old.

You do know that they know what you look like, right?
Yeah.
Pleasant dreams, cupcake.

Honestly, I’d be a wreck. Deity be with you. I do NOT deal with spiders well, so I know where you’re coming from! Yep, I’d sleep on the couch until I had moved the bed, cleaned the entire room, and sprayed it with some kind of super-spider-killer stuff.

I pleaded my case with my older brother and he’ll be stopping by tonight to help me clean. Huzzah!

Big spider in my room
Crawling down my back
And I feel a sense of doom
from the fear it might attack!

-Casey and his brother

Oh, cool! I’m very happy for you. I know how much of a panic I would be in. I’d be a total mess. So, it’s great you’re getting help!

Please, please tell me you watch the show Raising Hope!

Success! My Hero Brother has declared my room both spider-free and inhospitable to spiders!

We vacuumed, mopped, filled a hole in the floor and sprayed with bug spray. For good measure I put some un-used dryer sheets out because that’s an old wives’ tale for keeping spiders away and it sure won’t hurt!

I can sleep in my bed tonight yay!

Ooh! Spiders! They should be coming soon. Gotta get the Penalty Jars ready. I hope we get big ones. Last season they were a bit puny.

EEEEEP!!

I was looking online today for spider infestation remedies and every page I went to had big ugly pictures of SPIDERS on them. Just like that. I AM DONE!

Yeah, the spiders and I have an agreement: if you’re sitting there in a corner just chilling, we cool. If you decide to invade my personal space, I will hulk the fuck out on your segmented arachnid ass.

Centipedes, on the other hand, are annihilated on sight and with extreme prejudice, because fuck them.

I was bitten by a spider earlier this year. Twice. I didn’t know it was a spider that was responsible until I saw him crawl out of my room a few weeks later.

He’s dead now.