1991
So I have a new job and then…fantastic news
Lee, my son, the boy I taught to play chess is picked to represent Lancashire on board 3.
He lost.
But he played 5 other games for Lancs, won 3 drew2.
We reckon the reason he lost the first game was down to nerves, he says it was because he was trying to show off.
1992
Lee receives a letter from the ENGLAND Chess Assn. telling him that he is now an English Chess Grand Master and can be called by his country to play for them.His grade is 2800+ something, I forget exactly but it really doesn’t matter.
Joan and myself are pissing ourselves with joy…this is our son we are talking about here a possible future England player.
He throws it all away, he leaves home to go live with a girl who becomes his first wife and forgets all about chess…he’s in love same as his dad is and all that matters is his girl Shirley.
Ah well such are the slings and arrows I guess.
1995
Joan dies.
I am devastated. The woman whose very name I worshipped has been taken from me, she is only 48 years old and what little belief I had in an almighty vanishes like mist.
After the funeral and the usual get together I return to an empty house and I cry…buckets.
I don’t eat, can hardly sleep and every tune I hear played on the radio reminds me of her. Every piece of furniture/ornament or whatever does the same, and I never stop crying.
I’m not a big drinker but I start.
I tear up pictures and destroy tapes and records that we bought together until my brother Mike calls round one day and asks me what I’m doing and points out that I can destroy pictures and such but memories last.
He’s my younger brother but I know he’s right so I stop the stupidity.
Before I complete my literary masterpiece I should like you all to realise that all I post is true, none of it is fabricated.
I’ve had more joy out of life than I have had upsets, all in all I’ve been a pretty lucky guy.
I’ve had the love of a beautiful lady, I have a son who is intelligent and articulate although for some strange reason he never reads books unlike his father and mother did [well I still do]
The only books that Lee reads are Chess books, yes he’s gone back to his first love but his days of hoped for England glory are dead and buried.
I have a brother who I love more than life itself, same goes for Maureen my sister in law, I would willingly lay down my life in defence of theirs.
I have many friends, some close ones, some very close and, erm:: some lady friends as well…
It is still 1995 and about 6 months have gone by since Joans death, I am still believe it or not in a state of absolute shock.
I go to work, I come home, I eat and I go to bed…alone, always.
My workmates are beginning to think that I am cracking up and for that matter so do I.
One day at work I am invited to a party on a Sat night, at first I say thanks but no thanks but then I change my mind and accept.
At this party I meet a lady called Clare and we get on fine together, we go out for the next few weekends and the inevitable happens, we end up in bed…hers.
I cannot get a hard on.
I’m embarrassed by this as it has never happened before.
She says not to worry these things happen and she tries everything to ‘get me going’
No joy, 'ol limpdick remains 'ol limpdick.
I stay the night and she tries again in the morning…same result.
Eventually I slink out of her door get in my car and drive home.
I feel fucking terrible, what is the matter with me?
Then I realise “Guilt” I was feeling guilt as if I was betraying Joan. I turn the car around, knock on Clares door, she opens it and I proceed to give her the rogering of a lifetime [for me at least]
Clare and I saw each other for about 6 weeks and then it just fizzled out, but I never had hard on probs again.
1997
I meet a lady named Helena, actually she picked me up, she thought I was someone else and sent a drink over to me.
Well that’s what she said anyway.
This goes nowhere when after 3 weeks she asks if I will get her a credit card on mine, stupid I’m not!!
Lee leaves his wife and moves in with this bastard of a woman who has the face and figure of a model but the heart of an Ice Maiden…he marries her despite our attempts to persuade him not to.
1998
My Mother passes away, the only other woman I have ever truly loved. It’s tear time again and as usual Mike copes with it better than I do.
1999 My father dies and this time I’m the one who bears up, Mike goes to pieces and so does Lee.
I shed a few tears but somehow although I loved my father dearly his death does not affect me as much as my mothers.
I guess it was because I expected it.
2001-date
I have a lady friend, well actually I have 2.
One of them is a DOPER and next year I will be going to see that lady. She is American and boy is she something.
I have told her all about Joan and how I shall never stop loving her and she understands this and can even empathize with me.
I have told her also about my other lady friend here in England and she understands that as well.
So that’s it people apart from just telling you that hopefully in Feb 2004 I shall be an ex postie having applied for VR which should bring me a tidy sum.
Some of you may have wondered how I could remember all the dates and incidences, the non-tramatic ones that is.
Well I have a very good memory and where memory failed I dug out my diaries.
That’s right I have diaries dating back to my first love, Lorraine.
The keeping of these diaries was something I inherited from my father and in all honesty I’m glad I did.
Just looking through the pages written so many years ago by a callow lovestruck youth is both saddening and funny.
Sad because it is a reminder of a youth lost and funny because some of the entries are hilarious.
I quote and the spelling is as written:
“I love Lorainne Shenton and one day we will be maried becaus I cant live without her.I hope we have lots of babbies and some of them look like here because she has lovly hair and a nice face.
I like her tits as well”
This entry dated July 9th 1959.
Was it Oscar Wilde who said that youth is wasted on the young?
In any event encourage your kids to keep diaries, maybe one day they to will feel inclined to open a thread on whatever board exists in their adulthood…and maybe you’ll read it and remember the one opened by me.
spogga, thankyou so much for sharing your life with us. You have experienced many sadnesses but many joys alike. I sincerely wish you all the very best with both of the ladies in your life, or whichever one you may ultimately choose to be with!
So are you gonna revive this thread as landmark chapters enter your life, spogga?
A suggestion: save this page as an html file to your hard drive and print it out as well to add as the latest entry in your diary. No telling how hungry the hamsters or their descendents will get in the future.
Thought I’d add something that’s kind of relevant. My whole life I have been moving a lot and can usually remember exact years by where I lived at the time. Not as good as keeping a diary though.
