Spoiled teen or am I just a grumpy old lady?

In My Humble Opinion
1

A while back a friend called me and said since she was out running around and would be in my area why didn’t she pick me up and we could go to lunch.
I said sure, give me about 20 minutes and I’ll be ready.

My friend gets there and her 15 year old daughter is in the back seat.
I get in the car and she asked where’s a good place to eat, I suggested a nearby diner. It’s cozy, has good food for a good price, and best of all, home made-fresh squeezed lemonade.
My friend said to tell her the way and off we go.

We barely got out of the driveway, when I hear a whiny voice from the backseat

I don’t like diiiiiiiiiiners!

I don’t want to eat at a diiiiiiiiiiiner! Who wants to eat at a diiiiiiiiiiiiner? I want to eat at a restaurant!

My first thought was WOW!, it whines. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a 15 year old whine before.

As the whining continued I though WOW! if I had whined like that at 15 the long arm of the paw would have backhanded my face into the next week. My mother would have been giving me the eye. I knew I would have been in for trouble when we got home.

Whining was just simply NOT DONE, and interrupting adults was NOT DONE, and when your mother was out with a friend you either politely joined the adult conversation or you kept your mouth shut.

I figured my friend would do the only sensible thing, ignore her daughter. So you can imagine my surprise when my friend turned to me and asked me if I minded going to a restaurant instead. I thought she was joking, but her eyes were pleading and I knew she was serious.

I said of course not and suggested a restaurant (which sucked btw).

But I did mind. The very thought of allowing a whiny teenager to get her own way - by whining no less - just goes against the grain for me. Why would you reward whining? Allowing rude behavior from a teen is baffling for me, why in the hell would any parent give in to that?

Of course she isn’t my kid so not my business how to raise her.

A while after that my friend’s daughter went to her bf’s prom. Afterwards he took her out to eat - at a diner.
Do I get brownie points for holding back But I thought she didn’t like diiiiiiiiiners?

Am I just a grumpy old lady?

2

I don’t think you’re a grumpy old lady, especially if the friend didn’t mention her kid coming. I hate thinking I’m having grown up time with a friend and BAM, teenager along.

No, I don’t have kids and I’m happy about that. I was out with a friend a while back and her boy (15) was SO BAD (and I mean cursing at his mother, acting like a genuine asshole, bitching and arguing) that when we arrived at our lunch place I immediately ordered a LARGE beer please make sure it’s LARGE and after another 5 minutes of it I said “Child…please. I don’t know what the deal is but I have to tell you that your behavior is making me VERY tense. Not because I really care about what you’re saying but because when I was your age my mother would have pulled over and beat my ass for speaking to her that way. And I’m not saying that’s what should be done here but you continuing that behavior has me on edge because I keep thinking aaaany second she is going to haul off an hit you here in public and it’s making me feel sick.”

The kid looked shocked, the mother didn’t know what to say/think I’m sure but I had to get it out. I mean he had been whining/bitching/cursing/acting out for at least 20 minutes at that point and I’d had ENOUGH. The worst part is she argues back so it’s back and forth bickering. Ugh. I’m not visiting again until he’s in college.

3

No, you don’t get brownie points. You get BROWNIES, pounds of 'em.

Well done (you, not the brownies).

I’m reminded of my co-worker when her son had his ear pierced, back when it wasn’t quite acceptable. Son: “Awwwwwwwww, mommmmmmmmmmm, it’s just a fad.” Mom: “The fad just ended. Do you want to take it out or shall I do it?”

Next time, if there is a next time, meet them at the diner. And enjoy your lemonade.:wink:

4

Sometimes my niece talks to my sister (her mother) in ways that blow my mind. They seem to blow my sister’s mind too. Yet, for all my sister’s “oh no you didn’t say that to me!” facial expressions, there isn’t the explosive rage you’d expect from, say, our parents. So the snide remarks and rollyeyes continue.

I do wonder what happens to bratty teenagers when they become adults. Do they become bratty employees and bratty spouses? Or is it something that they shed as they get older and realize the harshness of the real world.

5

As the parent of a teen myself I have to say that you may have been witnessing a pick-your-battles moment. Teens are not unlike 2-year-olds in terms of how self absorbed and unable to control themselves they can be sometimes.

I’m not saying it was the right battle to pick or not pick, but sometimes the best time to address a behavior issue that is not in public or in front of other people. If my teen was being a whiny brat (and she is sometimes) I might appear to give in or be too tolerant at the moment for the sake of buying some short-term pleasantness, and then apply the very real consequences later.

On the other hand some parents just suck.

6

The only way to stop such behavior is explosive rage?

7

DID I SAY THAT!!?!?!?

[/explosive rage]

8

[bratty] You SO did! Your use of the word “so” implies that the continuing behavior is the result of the lack of explosive rage! Hah! I so got you, you hypocrite! You’re not my real dad!

9

I know you didn’t just call me a man when you know good and well I’m a woman! Don’t make me pull this car over!

10

I wish I had had nerve to say something, I’ve come close a few times - this isn’t only time daughter has shown her rear.

11

I love good lemonade - but not with brownies.
The diner has the best shrimp salad sandwich and it’s stuffed so full that you can take half of it home for later.

12

Maybe, but I would’ve said exactly that!

Seriously, when I was a kid, we ate what was served, and while we did make restaurant requests when the family went out, whining was not allowed. As in, your ass can go home and eat peanut butter if you whine.

monstro, I think they do become bratty spouses and employees. I hear how some spouses talk to each other and am horrified. Why would you speak in a whiny, rude, dismissive, or condescending way to your spouse? In public? Why? If you’re going to argue, go home and argue, get it out. But don’t go all passive-aggressive. You’re 35, not 15.

ETA: I think I’m a grumpy old lady. What the hell, we can start a club.

13

I thought “diner” and “restaurant” were synonyms. At most, it seems like a marketing gimmick to possibly connote a certain style or ambiance, but I wouldn’t think there’s any real difference. Do people actually consider a “diner” and a “restaurant” to be somehow substantively different? :confused:

14

Well, obviously, since kid doesn’t liiiiiikkkkee dineeeeerrrrrs.

15

Can you explain this to me? I genuinely don’t understand why it takes nerve to say something.

If you’d said, “actually, I was looking forward to the diner,” what would have happened? I mean, yes, your friend would have to choose between her adult friend and prior commitment vs. her teenaged daughter, but that’s easy: “sorry, Kiddo; it’s just one meal. It won’t kill you.”

There’s a few other threads at the moment from people who give in / back down to avoid a minor-to-negligible confrontation, and end up in a much worse situation. Why is it so difficult to bite the bullet and express polite disagreement?

16

Living in NJ for a few years taught me all about diners. Good diners have an enormous menu–so diverse it’s practically impossible to not find something you have a taste for. They serve breakfast, lunch, and dinner fare 24 hours a day. They have a sign out front that says ALL BAKING DONE ON PREMISES. There’s always a rotating display case of giant pieces of cake near the register. The building is always modular and shiny. They are always crowded. Everyone leaves happy and satisfied.

The weekend my family came to watch me march for graduation, we ate all of our meals at Tops Diner in East Newark. The experience was almost enough to convince my father that NJ isn’t the worst place in the world.

17

I’m no lady, but if you need a gentlemen’s auxiliary, I’m in.

18

I’m sitting here thinking that the perfect comeback from the OP would have been “You don’t have to go to a diner, you can sit in the caaaarrrr”.

19

I didn’t think of it that way, and maybe my friend was at the end of her rope for the day. I’ve seen the daughter act out before, it’s hard to watch.

20

I wonder where you might live that you think this. Diner denotes a pretty distinct style of restaurant that long predates any “marketing gimmick.” And while they are technically restaurants, if you told someone in my neck of the woods that you were going to a restaurant they would think of something more upscale than a diner.

That’s like seeing no difference between a pizza parlor and a bistro.