Sports-shmorts

In My Humble Opinion
1

I don’t like watching sports.
Never had. Probably never will.
And yes, I am a straight male.

It’s come to my attention that there are some serious sports fans amongst us, male AND female. And more power to you.

Growing up ridiculously uncoordinated with a father who taught me everything he DIDN’T know about sports, it’s no real wonder why.
I didn’t play em, why should I watch other people I don’t even know play?

This does make for the occasional awkward moment during mixed social events where I’m expected to make small talk amongst strangers. I’ve gotten pretty good at faking it though.

Random guy: How ‘bout those friggin’ Chiefs, huh?
Me: No kidding!
Random guy: I mean, that was unbelieveable! (Insert random sports related tidbit here)
Me: Yeah, you’re tellin’ me!
(ad infinitum)

The major downside to this was dating women who were big sports enthusiasts. I’ve found few things emasculate me more to female sports fans then telling them they know more about “the big game” than I do. I might as well break out the high heels and mascara.

The upside, naturally, has been how I’ve been able to relate to the larger percentage of the female population who, like myself, couldn’t give a rat’s ass who wins the damn game.
Sunday nights? Yours.
Monday night football? When’s THAT on?
You wanna watch your favorite tv show? Knock yerself out.

So criticize if you will. But just remember… when you and your buddies were getting stinking drunk screaming at the top of your lings at the TV set, I was at Ceramics class.
With your girlfriend.:wink:

Anybody else (men especially) out of the sports loop?

2

My BF didn’t even know football games were on Sundays. He once told me he vaguely heard of something called a “Super Dish”. After realizing he wasn’t pulling my leg, I nearly freaked out. How could I love a man who knows nothing about football? But then I realized, it was just football, and he could learn everything he needs to know.
So I sat him down and calmly explained to him that it’s not a “Super Dish”, it’s the Super Bowl, and games are regularly played on Sunday, all day. Then I further explained you cheered for two teams in my house. The Broncos, and the Raiders, UNLESS they were playing each other, then you cheer for The Broncos. I told him to get used to it, because you love me, you love my team. He had 2 choices. He could watch and learn the game, or he could leave me alone Sundays and find ways to entertain himself. I guess he figured it wouldn’t hurt to learn about the game. He still doesn’t know the difference between a running back and quarter back, and I think in his world there are only three football teams. I can’t talk to him about the last great play of last weeks big game. And he doesn’t understand why I jump up and down like a wildwoman when Terrel Davis runs the ball into the endzone. And he couldn’t comprehend why I got all emotional when Elway retired. But he’s trying, last season was a great learning experience for him. He doesn’t complain when I “shush” him during MOnday Night football. And he’s no less of a man because he doesn’t understand sports.
(I haven’t even tried to explain basketball yet. We’ll have to wait a few years until he gets a firm grasp on football)

3

I definitely understand.

I never played any team sports growing up (though I was real good at badminton and pickleball, the girls don’t exactly flock).

It wasn’t until I got to college and was assigned a dormmate that could happily discuss the Thailand Minor League Lacrosse teams for hours on end.

He was an otherwise nice enough guy and I learned a lot. By the end of the year I had gained a basic appreciation for most sports (though NASCAR, anything involving the word “synchronized”, or anything requiring the participants to wear mascara is not a sport).

Over the years my interest in sports has waxed and waned (though baseball has mostly waxed) but I have never let it interfere with my social life. If I happen to be home during MNF, great. If not, great.

4

Frisbee is yummy. And that’s a team sport! So I can sound very fashionable when I say, “Oh, yeah, there are a few team sports I really love!”
Otherwise - pfft! Ridiculous!

5

Donb’t knock Thai Minor League Lacrosse; if they play it half as well as we do here, it ought to be damn good.

::looks around::

Err, this is an * anti- * sports thing here? Well I’ll be.

::flees, taking all sports paraphenalia along::

6

I mean this will all due respect, PLG, but I must say…

ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH?!?!?

That is ridiiculous! One does not pick two hated rivals as their two favorite teams! That is asinine!

It’s like saying you love the Yankees and the Red Sox in baseball. Or you love the Lakers and the Celtics in pro hoops.

I’m sorry, but that’s just plain WRONG…

Yer pal,
Satan

*TIME ELAPSED SINCE I QUIT SMOKING:
Three months, three weeks, two days, 3 hours, 41 minutes and 59 seconds.
4566 cigarettes not smoked, saving $570.77.
Life saved: 2 weeks, 1 day, 20 hours, 30 minutes.

“Satan is not an unattractive person.”*-Drain Bead (Thanks for the ringing endoresement, honey!)

7

You’re not alone, man, I’m much the same way.

8

Seriousart:

Oh, I understand. I understand…

I also want to tell you that some areas are more prone to have seriously fanatic sports fans than other areas. Sure, there are sports fans everywhere, but in some areas, there are MORE sports fans. I think you are in an area with some intense fans.

It must be different for a guy, I understand. But still - you are in a sports-intensive area, and it is NOT like the rest of the world is like the people in your area. I am from LA. LA loves sports, but the whole damned city doesn’t usually get all worked up over every frigging game. (Sure, we all know they went insane over the recent Lakers win. While that was disgraceful, that level of intensity is not reserved to every damned game.) Hell, look at how LA didn’t give a damn if the NFL stayed or didn’t stay. There are a lot of things going on, the entire population of LA does not focus on sports the same way some other cities apparently do.

I don’t mind baseball. I guess it is because I grew up with my dad listening to Vin Scully announcing a Dodgers game. So I feel sentimental about the Dodgers, even though I never know how they’re doing, who they’re playing. And that’s the extent of my sports enthusiasm. And I don’t begrudge anyone else their love of sports. More power to 'em. However, no one better expect me to care any more than I do. Because it isn’t going to happen.

I recently moved to an unnamed Midwestern city, and their sports obsession is just bizarre to me. They have special “team” days, they all dress up in “team” colors, they decorate their cars, they are total geeks. I don’t get it, I won’t fit in with it, ever. I get people asking me (with a “what went wrong with you?” tone of voice) “Why don’t you like sports?” And they sometimes say - “If you gave it a chance, you’d love it like we do!” I say, no. I say (in jest) “You people are not normal.” I say “The only way I will watch one of your damned football games is if you roll my coffin in front of the TV when the game is on.” I DON’T FRIGGING CARE. LEAVE ME ALONE.

I think anyone who is really “concerned” because someone else is not a sports fan (and therefore wants to “convert” them to sports geekiness) is trying too hard. Why should they care? Is my lack of enthusiasm taking anything away from them? Get over it, that’s what I say. There are many, MANY people out there that don’t care if their team wins or loses. There are many people in the country who don’t even know what the name of their shitty team is. (I know this for a fact. When I return to LA and tell them about the sports-obsession of this place I live now, they say “I didn’t even know that they had a team!”)

Well, I had my rant. I feel better. Thanks for starting this thread!

9

Satan, My Dark Lord, I didn’t CHOOSE. I live with my parents. My mom is a life-long Broncos fan, my dad is a life long Raiders fan. It has cause some interesting scenes in my house, I’ll tell you what. (Anyone else live in a house divided by football? At times it’s fun, at times it’s sad, but it’s always interesting.) But football is not as important to my dad as it is to my mom, so they compromise. The Broncos is the Official Team of Pepper’s Family, however, my dad is allowed to cheer for the Raiders w/o threat to his person. Also, now we live in the Bay Area (And I REFUSE to cheer for the 69ers for ANY reason) The Raiders are kind of our “home team” (I don’t care, I still hate them) That is why my BF was offered two choices. He could go with the popular Broncos Cheer, or he could back my dad up. Obviously, he is not a stupid man, so he goes with the Broncos Cheer to avoid friction. (I am a Broncos fan. I hate the Raiders)
Now, my dad is not a stupid man either, so he chooses to cheer for the Broncos when they are playing the Raiders. (Whether or not he actually means it, it doesn’t matter. It saves his body from injury. I’m not exagerating. My mom is a mad woman)

10

Having grown up in Hawaii I didn’t have the opportunity to enjoy much pro sports at all. The fact that I was an uncoordinated geek didn’t help much either. I finally started jogging as a freshman in college, and it’s still the only “sport” i can enjoy (when I’m not busy eating bon bons on the couch).

However having recently moved to the Bay Area I have attended many Oakland Athletics games and enjoy it greatly. Having a very knowledgeable sports buff certainly helps – the lovely mr. obfusciatrist isn’t a huge sports “fan” as he is knows a lot about the rules of the sport. One of my projects this season has been to periodically keep score on the baseball games; my learning curve has gone way up since then.

11

yosemitebabe,

i agree with you on your point about sports fans trying to “convert” people. i understand if you love a team and even become obsessed with them, but that is just ridiculous!
its not a religion!!

12

If I lived in the US, I don’t think I’d be a sports fan either :stuck_out_tongue:

All joking aside, I am a huge sports fan. But a selective one as well. I love football (soccer) and Formula 1 the most. But I also enjoy a good NBA match, or a good tennis game (preferably gravel). Motorbike racing is pretty cool too, and so is the British Touring Car Championship. Now THAT’S close racing! Also, I’m a fan of the big cycling competitions such as the Tour de France.

There’s also lots of sports I admire, but don’t like to watch. Most track and field stuff comes to mind.

13

I’m with you on that whole don’t give a rat’s ass thing about sports. Growing up my mom was a devoted Bengals fan, and my dad (who grew up on lake erie) was a devoted Browns fan. All sorts of rivalry going on. It taught me to not care for sports at all.

14

Ah, Yosemitebabe. I’m guessing you really DO know what I mean :wink:
People in this town… Yeesh.
Yeah, we have “wear red to work” days. I usually opt for black.
It can be a little overwhelming. You’d think I wasn’t supporting the troops during wartime or something. And don’t get me started on Nascar.
Sweet Mary, mother of God…
If there’s anything I’d like to watch less than a bunch of guys throwing a ball around and slapping each other on the ass, it’s cars driving in a circle. And people are going bat-shit that this is coming here.
Ugh.
But as an old co-worker once explained to me: What else are you gonna do in this town but bar-b-que and watch sports?
I guess he had a point, but I remain strong.

15

I’ve tried! - but spectator sports of any description bore the living hell out of me. Motorcycle racing holds some attraction, though - and, for some bizarre reason, so does tractor-pulling. Both can keep me interested for perhaps 15 minutes, tops.

I like strolling the streets on the nights of the big tournament games - it’s like having the city to yourself. Flirting with cute female bartenders is never easier. And the autobahns are nice and clear for a bit of high-speed riding.

I will, however, shamelessly join in any post-game festivities and pretend to be happy about the outcome, even if I discreetly have to ask for the score.

S. Norman

16

So, serious, are you single by any chance? :wink:

17

I once attempted to learn what the hell is going on in American Football. After about 20 minutes of patient explainations on my father’s part, I exclaimed that I had a headache and scampered upstairs to watch musicals with my mother.

Actually, PapaRiddles only watches the Super Bowl (MommaRiddles will check in sometime during first quarter, pick whomever has the best uniform and leave him alone for the rest of the game), and the World Series. And he’ll watch boxing when it’s on. I suppose having three daughters and remaining married for 20+ years will do that to a fella. My family doesn’t gather round the TV for sports, we gather round the TV for South Park.

One of the only advantages to being a chick is that you don’t have to care about sports. Ah, the freedom.

18

seriousart, I’m glad to know i’m not the only one. Call me a sap, call me a wus, I’ve got a nice track record of my own, and it aint in sports. Perhaps it’s the more sensitive side of me that’s working for me. I never could get into following sports, and it makes me sick to see so many poeple die hard fans of a team that their moods are affected by the outcome of a game. I’m in 100% agreement with you. Monday nights, Sunday nights, any night, is ladies night (provided I’m with a lady of course). I don’t care about reading it in the papers, yes, i was taking figure drawing classes (where the models are nude, and 3/4’s of the class was female as well) instead of staring at men in lots of padding pat each others asses, or groping each other in a ring.
Though I do enjoy some sports on my own, as in rock climbing, Capoeira, and running, those I do for myself. Team sports I’ve always enjoyed when playing amongst friends, like soccer in my parents backyard at family gatherings, or volleyball at the beach. You are not alone guy!

19

I don’t like watching spectator sports. I don’t know why, but I don’t.

I like participating in sports. I’ve played baseball as a kid. I love individual sports – bicycling, skiing, swimming. I love racquetball.

Just don’t ask me to watch. I don’t even watch the World Series or the Super Bowl or the Olympics.

When I play Trivial Pursuit I always have to wait for one of those “checker” questions to come up before I can grab a “sports” wedge.

20

Chalk me up as a heterosexual male who’s not really into sports.

I enjoy going to sporting events with friends. And, I sometimes enjoy catching a football game on TV, although I didn’t even start doing that until 1998 when all my favorite teams (Falcons, Cardinals, and Ga. Tech) had decent seasons. As much as I enjoy attending arena football games, it’s just not as “rokkin’” in my living room as it is live. Occasionally I get into the Strong-Man competition or a tractor-pull, but this usually involves beer consumption.

What I really couldn’t give half-a-damn about is the sports reports (e.g. who’s getting traded where and what’s his salary, bla bla bla). During hockey season, the morning show I listen to on the radio will have this thing called the “Hip Check,” where their sports reporter introduces some irrelevant discussion with one of the players (Coyotes) and then proceeds to have the pointless discussion. I’d just as soon listen to another Tom Shane commercial.

It’s kind of funny, one time I was at a friend’s house for a Final Four party or something like that. During the game, a friend of mine (he is also a heterosexual male) and I got into a discussion about the opera Il Trovatore, which we had both seen the night before.

I do not participate in any team sports, because I’m so damn athletically uncoordinated. My ex tried to get me to join her softball team. No dice. I do enjoy running in 10Ks and hiking, although those aren’t exactly team sports.