Squirrel death-count increases

There are three squirrels who live in my front yard. I should say “lived”. Recently they have been dashing across the driveway just as I pull in, resulting in some near misses. This was new behavior for them, and they were running from the strip of grass between the driveways (where there is absolutely nothing for a squirrel to do) to the main yard with the trees. Since I ran over a squirrel in the driveway a few years ago, I was not happy with this new pattern. Then two days ago, in the street in front of the house, there is a squished squirrel. Not in the driveway, thank goodness, but right at the point where I turn in/back out, so I can’t avoid the body very well.

My mom rejoiced at the news, because one of the squirrels had been digging in her planter of lettuce by the side door, an offense that we all know deserves the death penalty :rolleyes:

Last night when I came home, there was a second dead squirrel, not three feet from the first, right at the edge of the opposite side of the street. It almost looks as if the second squirrel went out to mourn the first and got hit. Mom is now doubly giddy. The lone remaining squirrel was sitting in the front yard glaring at me as I drove in. I’m not responsible! And I hate having those little bodies laying out there.

At least it wasn’t one of the bunnies.

I think the third squirrel is waiting for you to arrange for the funerals of the first two.

Arriving in kittenblue’s neighbourhood, Holly Martins learns that his fellow squirrel Harry Lime, who has invited him, recently died in a suspicious car accident . Holly investigates . . .

The third squirrel will be coming after your mother.
[zither]Da da daaa, da daaa, da daaa, da da da da da, da da daaa, da da da daaa.[/zither]

[Harry Lime]You know, I never feel comfortable on these sort of things. Victims? Don’t be melodramatic. Tell me. Would you really feel any pity if one of those dots stopped moving forever? If I offered you twenty thousand pounds for every dot that stopped, would you really, old man, tell me to keep my money, or would you calculate how many dots you could afford to spare?[/Harry Lime]

My theory is that we’re in the process of evolving smarter squirrels. Or at least squirrels that have been forced by the cruel process of evolution to learn to look left and right before crossing the street.

Actually, it’s a little known fact that squirrels, like deer, suffer from depression, and without proper treatment/counciling will frequently commit suicide by throwing themselves in front of passing vehicles.

If you want to keep the remaining squirrel alive, I suggest you start him on Prozac immediately!

Nutzac? Sounds like a horrible euphemism…

Does your mom have an alibi? :eek:

Just remember - squirrels are nothing more than rats with fuzzy tails.