I live in NY State. I live on a small road (sort of an access road) that runs parallel to the large main road. Approximately 25 ft from my house, on the edge of the small grass strip dividing my road from the main road, lies a dead raccoon. In life, this raccoon was quite the magnificent beast- a full, plump, large specimen. Near schnauzer-size.
In death the raccoon has become a schnauzer-size blimp of rotting gas. After at least 2 days, it is near-circular, save for the paws and head. Think Violet Beauragard in Willie Wonka.
It reeks. It is so rank, in fact, that I can smell it in my home office at the back of my house. This is a full 100+ feet from the animal, and a few rooms (and therefore, walls) dividing us. I went to collect my mail and nearly vomited.
In short, I have some powerful rank raccoon stank that needs fixing. I called the police. They said, by law, that animal control cannot touch raccoons (sound suspicious). DOT apparently no longer does animal pickup for anything smaller than a deer. The police sure as fuck won’t do it. They stated, and I quote, “We always hope a homeowner decides to do it.”
I am not going to risk raccoon innard explosion, near or on me. However, it is 85 today and near that tomorrow. Any ideas? Are there animal services one can pay? I would pay $50 for raccoon retrieval. Can vultures be lured somehow? In the movies, people dissolve bodies with lye. Is this a thing I could somehow buy and dump on the raccoon?
Turkey vultures can smell carrion from long distances. However, it is possible for a carcass to be so rank that even a vulture won’t be attracted to it. If the smell hasn’t drawn them in yet, there’s probably nothing more you can do to attract them.
Drano and other commercial drain cleaners contain lye (sodium hydroxide, NaOH). You would probably need a bucket of it, and in any case it would be bad for the environment and more hazardous than an exploding raccoon.
(Of course, you could go all Breaking Bad and try hydrofluoric acid…*)
Personally, if you couldn’t get someone to come pick it up I would dig a deep hole and bury it. If you are afraid of it exploding throw a tarp over it before dragging it to the hole.
*I know Mythbusters showed this wouldn’t actually work.
Here’s a site that promises experts that remove dead animal carcasses. I can’t testify as to their performance. They also include some suggestions on do-it-yourself methods, such as burial. They also suggest contacting your trash pick up organization to see if they will pick it up.
You could also call a local vet for suggestions. They have to dispose of animals all the time and may have other options or services that could work.
ETA: Do not run over it. The smell will linger on your car forever.
One, I do not own a gun. Two, pretty sure that discharging a gun in a very populated suburb, on a busy main street, even into an already dead animal, is probably illegal.
This is not a halloween pumpkin, bro. This is a full-on mammal corpse.
I realized why running over it wouldn’t be a good idea right after I posted. I helped dispose of dead cows as a kid, but they hadn’t ballooned up like that. I agree with throwing a tarp over it and burying it.
Wait for it to decay (a few days to a few weeks). The maggots will eat a lot of it.
Put on nose plugs and a face mask and bury it. Even a few inches of dirt will help a lot.
Throw a lasso around it and drag it somewhere where is will be someone else’s problem.
FWIW, I had a raccoon get stuck and die under my riding lawnmower (it was not running at the time). By the time I figured out where the godawful stench was coming from, it was little more than a ball of maggots. Extricating that mess from the lawnmower was not fun in any way.
I’ve dealt with similar circumstances a number of times, living on rural land with livestock and wild animal deaths that occur on and around my place.
You’re in the worst stage. In high summer with soaring temperatures such as you describe, the good news is that the carcass will be substantially, uhh, eliminated within a couple of weeks. Nature will take its course.
Things that will help: A smear of Vicks Vaporub directly under your nostrils will disguise the stench somewhat. You may find it useful if you decide to implement my second suggestion, which is to purchase a bag of powdered lime (calcium hydroxide) and use it liberally to cover the carcass. (Don’t let it come in contact with your skin. Use gloves and a scoop, wear long sleeves, and take a shower after you’re done.) Lime will hasten the decomposition process and dampen the odor somewhat.
Then just wait it out. Good luck.
ETA: Ninja’d by Beckdawrek. Good advice with the advantage of brevity.
I once had to help my dad bury a groundhog that had crawled under our front porch and died. (We had to lay on our bellies to do this.) Reading the OP, I swear I could smell that smell all over again, and that was easily 60 years ago. Good luck. The Vicks is a good idea, and I imagine the lime would be too.
It sounds from your OP that you only contacted the police. Did you try contacting animal control directly? If they are a separate entity in your county, rather than part of law enforcement, they may have a different view from the police. In my county (in California) this is squarely the responsibility of animal control.
Otherwise, and with no experience to back me up, I think the “tarp it, bury it, add garden lime” folks.
Police report animal control cannot legally touch raccoons :dubious:. Animal control not answering phone on weekend.
This, unfortunately, isn’t a rural area. It’s a suburb. So many of the suggestions would involve disrupting or being involved in traffic moving ~50 mph.
I’m thinking of contacting local legislators, because there are many dead bodies down this strip of road, I noticed.
I am now hiding in local Panera bread.
UPDATE: Raccoon now has tiger stripes of ?beetles? ?bugs? ?carcass crabs? on it. I hope it bursts whilst I am away. While worse temporarily, if burst, I believe smell would lessen and meat would spread, hopefully dessicating.