I couldn’t read the rest of your post, since my eyes were all watery from laughing too hard.
I wonder if the Eugenics Wars happened, or if that will be swept under the table. 
Why wouldn’t they? They took place almost three hundred years in Kirk’s past.
Because they would have happened already in our past (they were supposed to have happened in the 1990s)…and, clearly, they haven’t.
Who sez we’re in the same universe as TOS, or any of the others?
In fact, I would argue that we’re demonstrably NOT in the same timeline, since the events of the The Voyage Home didn’t happen.
Exactly. There’s explanations in the movie that clearly suggest that it’s an alternate universe from the universe of the TOS…at which point, all that old canon is moot.
Yes, but I said Kirk’s, not (inclusive) ours. It’s a TV show, not a documentary of our future.
EDIT: Or what Ogre said.
Also
Not all of it. Enterprise is still canon, as should be most of the pre-Starfleet history of most of the Enterprise crew.
…So, what are the chances an ancestor of Wesley Chrusher was serving with Kirk’s father?
They’ve changed the ages of the crew and when they attended the academy as well, which had nothing to do with George Kirk and his crew being killed.
I wonder if they feel free to change other things as well that occurred earlier.
Court-Martial. Kirk doesn’t have the standard officer career path, so no incident of writing Finney up and no resultant festering grudge. Also, this version of Starfleet seems to have no concept of orderly discipline for infractions, anyway. :rolleyes:
Kirk…Ok.drain the power from the shields and relay it through the Photon torpedoes (Or something)
Scottie …But doing that will cause the Quantam valve accelerator to overload(Or some other bollicks)
Kirk…shut the fuck up and do as I ORDERED you to or its a firing squad for you matey.
Picard …Ah yes very interesting Counsellor,we repeatedly shot the Klingon with Phasers set on tickle and now he’s fucking annoyed,so hows about you telling me something that the average nine year old couldn’t notice by watching the body language alone.
And stop speaking in that stupid French accented lisp!you come from Essex for gods sake.
Picard…Haven’t we got anything to eat or drink that hasn’t got a name firmly rooted in the Terran, English language for chrissakes ?
Romulan BRANDY,Betelgesian ALE,Vulcan McDonalds BEEFBURGERS.
For fucks sake we travel the unknown reaches of the universe and every comestible related product can be found in the local British pub or takeaway.
Wesley Crusher you have been selected for a very secret and very important mission…
You are to take the shuttle craft equipped with two days rations and one days oxygen and rendevous with a special,secretly cloaked Federation vessel three days travelling time away.
Now fuck off you smug,smarmy little cunt.
And dont “But Sir” me its a SECRET mission remember,i dont make the rules.
So it seems the ships computer took over the Holodeck,turned VR into really real R.and half of the ships company died insanely painful deaths but we’ve sorted it out now.
Ah well Shit happens,so I’ll see you in there tomorrow for our usual role playing of the Roman Colloseum games then?
Number One,I realise that in an infinite universe everything that can happen does happen…
But just how many planets are there where everyone dresses up and acts like Cowboys or Thirties Chicago Gangsters?
Just one last instruction for everyone on the away team…
I dont want ANYONE wearing a Red shirt to be anywhere within a hundred feet of me and if they look like they are going to salute me you will shoot them at once.
Enterprise …
Security man being debriefed by old Captain No acting talent wooden face,
Well sir this being a star ship and everything,and our being rigourosly quarantined so that we dont start a Asian/Mexican/Swine flu/wont really hurt the tourists honest pandemic,I saw this parasite ridden,mammal of the uncontrollable bowel/bladder movement variety,Canis Canis I believe .
Which apart from being totally illegal on starships only a total fucking lunatic would even dream of bringing out into space and obviously not a highly renowned SS capatain so I shot the little bastard and threw it out of the airlock.
So anyway Captain I was going to ask you about my future promotion prospects…
Worst. Fanfic. Ever.
Stewart is from Yorkshire.
Ah thanks, it will be interesting to see those scenes on the DVD. There was nothing specifically preventing the existing of an older brother, but the complete lack of mention or appearance combined with the fact that Jim’s birth scene came off strongly as the first birth of his parents. OTOH, despite the fact that his mother clearly survives and his guardian mentions that she’s off planet in his youth, he comes across as an orphan boy…
The Star Trek Chronology book seems to imply that most of the ages of the characters are guesswork based on the ages of the actors, and little of this info appears in canon sources.
No older brother? Then whose antique car did Young Jim joyride off in?
I’m guessing stepdad.
I thought maybe Uncle.
Okay, I’ll buy that. The voice on the product-placement phone did say “Your mother’s off-planet” not 'Mom’s off-planet."
(I don’t know why, but it disturbed me a little that Momma Kirk resembled Dr. Carol Marcus a lot? Just me? Okay.)
IIRC, the handwave is that (as per ASSIGNMENT: EARTH) we know Gary Seven starts working behind the scenes to preserve civilization in the late '60s; his signature tactic involves launching stuff into space when using futuristic technology to covertly take apart problems the general public doesn’t even find out about. Well, not in our era, anyway – but it’s a matter of record by Kirk’s time.
And that’s all canon, even if the book that explicitly describes how Seven dealt with Khan (a ruthless power broker who ruled a significant portion of the globe without most folks realizing it) may or may not be.
I dunno. She reminded me more of Dr. Allison Cameron.