If y’all could remake the disappointing episodes I and II, what would y’all make better?
I’d start by shooting George Lucas. No, not with a camera.
I think one of the biggest problems I had with them is that they were too tame. When the first three came out, they were (I beleive) targeting the under 15 crowd.
Well, the crowd that was under 15 twenty-five years ago is all grown up now. I think I would have made these prequels a little more “adult”-- blood, cussing, sex. Basically, I’d have made them rated R.
Happy
“I’ve got a God damned bad fucking feeling about this shit.”
Give Samuel Jackson’s Jules Winnfield character from Pulp Fiction Jedi powers, and get rid of Mace Windu.
-
Right before he bitch slaps Jango Fett:
“Say ‘what’ again. SAY ‘WHAT’ AGAIN! I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker! Say ‘what’ one more goddamn time!” -
We’re all gonna be three little Fonzies Yodas- and what was Fonzies Yoda?!
When chatting it up with Yoda for bringing him into the Clone Wars:
- Oh…man! I will NEVER forgive your ass for this shit. This is some fucked up repugnant shit!
I would have Jar-Jar’s hand get chopped off with a lightsaber by someone. 
Doesn’t matter much who.
http://members.tripod.com/~Adam_P_B/starwarshands/main.html
Riffing off peterW’s theme:
Very funny - and also true. His lightsaber has “BMF” engraved on the handle.
- Get rid of Jar jar
- Get rid of Jake Lloyd
- C3PO was not built by Anakin
- Get rid of the midichlorians
More Jimmy Smitts!
Thanks for the link Mike.
"Hand me my lightsaber… it’s the one that says, “Bad Mother Fucker.”
Bwaahhaaaaa.
Made me snort coke (the beverage, not the expensive white stuff) through my nose again. Whoo <wiping a tear from my eye>
Anakin has to be born and raised anywhere other then Tatooine. His location has to be a secret from Vader and the Emperor. Otherwise the whole idea that Obi-Wan would leave Luke there with Anakin’s brother makes no sense whatsoever.
What made him even want to revisit that dry and dusty planet?
I’d put Terrifel in charge.
I would add some sort of Han Solo… an unbeliever, a skeptical. I would add more colorful characters and remove the excess of political ones.
The first trilogy worked perfect because resembled a classical fairy tale. An adventure full of naivety, simple characters, strong characters, cynical characters. All of them involved in a trepidant tour de force. Once in, didn’t matter what they’ll do next… all of us was trapped with him in their eventualities, as in a soap opera.
The second trilogy is as fun as following the Middle Orient Wars by the News channels.
:dubious:
Ep I - Get rid of Jar Jar. Maybe not entirely, but certainly less screen time. Alternatively, give him a less stupid voice/dialogue
Ep II - Get rid of Hayden Christian straight away. Then rewrite the all of the dialogue to make it vaguely believeable.
I didn’t think eps I and II were a total loss. They both had some great bits in them. Apart from these two things, they were pretty much as I expected. I thought Ep II would have been fantastic, if only they had decent dialogue.
I find this idea bizarre.
The new films are pitched at the same level as the old ones. They are kiddie-esque films. Just because kids grow up, doesn’t mean the films should.
Dr No came out in 1962, and was aimed at adults. Should James Bond films now be aimed at octagenarians? James Bond driving his Aston Martin at 15 MPH and complaining about kids these days, and music with no proper tune, not like it used to be.
Sesame Street first aired in 1969. If you were about five in 1969, then you’d be 39 now. By this theory, Sesame Street would now have very adult themes. Ernie would now be living alone, after Bert died from aids a few years ago. Oscar the grouch now a junkie. Big Bird doing time because he killed Mr Snuffleupacus when they fell out over a woman.
George Lucas is George Lucas. He does George Lucas stuff. If you don’t like George Lucas stuff, don’t watch Star Wars.
I’d say if anything, the newest two movies (Phantom Menace especially) were aimed much younger than 15, which - to me - made them less grand and more annoying.
- I would cut down the CGI sequences by 2/3. The pod race and the arena battle were way too long.
- Give George Lucas a tape recorder and take away all his writing implements so he could never write a single line of dialogue. He could describe what he’d like to happen to the tape recorder, then give the tape to a talented script writer who is not named Jonathan Hale.
- Get rid of Natalie Portman. Find an actress who has more range than a plank of wood. Maybe Thora Birch, Keira Knightley, or Sarah Poley. Someone who is more than a pretty face and loves the Star Wars universe.
- Make Obi Wan the Han Solo. Make him the rash, cool, funny guy.
- Build a lot of the sets. Cut down on the green screen. Peter Jackson was able to help his actors by creating a world for them to inhabit in the Lord of the Rings saga. If George did the same, the acting in the prequels would improve tenfold.
- No midichlorians.
There’s too much focus on the visual effects/spectacle on the actual film itself, and I think that’s a big problem. “It’s Digital! It’s Amazing!” It’s Crap! I would do away with most of the digital effects. The fact that there are very few actual sets really kinda pisses me off. There were too many scenes that were obviously blue screens which wouldn’t have been a problem if they just bothered to take a camera crew out somewhere or build a set (Ep 1. The Tusken Raiders viewing the pod races and the scene where the Trade Federation guys first get to Naboo and are walking off thier ship).
Ep. 1. Again, I wouldn’t get rid of Jar Jar altogether, but definitely limit his screen time and make him a bit more intelligent (hence, less annoying). Most of the Naboo stuff was actually pretty good. It’s when they get to Tantoine that things go to pot. I like Fern Forest’s suggestion to completely remove Anakin from Tantoine. It makes NO SENSE whatsoever for Anakin to come from that planet. And do away with 3P0 being built by Anakin. In fact, virtually everything about Anakin’s childhood should be rewritten. The slavery, the child engineering genius, the pod races…it was all shit. The only thing I liked was the separation of him from his family. That creates some good background for his emotional instability later on, and is an important factor as well. Gives him reason to hate the Jedi for “causing the death of his mother” kinda thing. And I’d also leave him out of the Naboo invasion. His “accidentally” flying off just to offchance save the day by accident was really stupid. And the final celebration scene sucked.
Yeah, I really didn’t like the first one.
Ep. 2. This movie, overall, wasn’t so bad. Again, I agree that they should have picked a better actor for Anakin. Hayden just sucked all around. I can’t even say he looked attractive, because all I could think the entire movie was that he looked like a date rapist. It needed a much better script, because the romance between Padme and Anakin was way too forced and unbelievable. Jengo Fett needed to do something more impressive!! This guy sucked eggs! How Bobba Fett got such a following as a bad ass is understandible, but when you see where he came from…whuh? And cancel the whole “Bobba is Jengo’s clone” thing. That was stupid as hell. I rather enjoyed all the political stuff in this episode, though, and thought the final battle scene with the clones was good. Unfortunately, these movies are supposed to be about Anakin, and so far, nothing has happened to make me want anything good to happen to him, or care when his world falls apart.
As someone pointed out, the first trilogy was a mythological story brought to life. There is no myth here, just flashy eye candy, and I’m really not impressed. Bring back the puppets and sets and get rid of the CGI backgrounds. And for god’s sake, get someone who can write a script worthy of all the good actors you have in the cast!
Spoiler Warning
I enjoyed Episode I. I didn’t even mind Jar Jar; he’s better than the teddy bears of Episode VI!
The role of Anakin could have been better cast in both movies. Both actors were wooden, much more so in Episode II. I guess that monotone delivery was supposed to be masking inner rage/lust/confusion/etc, but this subtlety was lost on me.
Also, IMHO, the writers missed a great opportunity to explain why Anakin turns to the Dark Side. It’s obvious something snaps in him when he arrives too late to rescue his mother from the Tuskan Raiders. But her death was presented simply as a sad yet typical case of the hard life on Taatooine. Now, if she were somehow delivered to the Raiders by Darth Sidious, who in turn made it appear that the Jedi were to blame, Anakin might then turn away from the Jedi and to the Chancellor/Sidious. Anakin would be pushed toward the Dark Side through deceit, instead of sort of drifting toward it as he is now.
It is? I remember reading a newspaper article that discussed the phenomenon of how people see him. He really didn’t do much of anything, had no lines, and died a very embarrassing death. Basically the ‘bad ass’ thing he did was look cool and be quiet.