In Star Wars, Vader is entirely ignorant of his children’s existence, and their lives. This is because the princess gave birth when he wasn’t around, and nobody ever told him.
If Vader is their mother, then she would definitely know of their existence. Through the force, she could probably track them down, and then raise them on the dark side. Since they wouldn’t exist as a force for good, Star Wars would never take place.
I didn’t know “Skywalker” was a Jewish last name.
“Why are we destroying Alderan?”
“You KNOW why!”
“Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy. Don’t you want to rule the galaxy with your mom, or is that not ‘cool’? Do kids still say ‘cool’ anymore?”
Unless the emperor convinced her she’d miscarried. Which wouldn’t be hard, especially if she got cyborged up while she was pregnant. Or they could have been kidnapped as babies, with Mz. Vader thinking they died, providing a convient excuse to turn to the dark side in bitterness.
Or, if it was early enough, it would be possible that she wouldn’t even know that she’d been pregnant. I’d assume they check for that type of thing when turning someone into a giant cyborg.
Very lucky timing for the Emporor, but this is Star Wars. That kind of coincidence happens.
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They’red be CGI muppets involved, either way, of course.
Along similar lines, giving Darth Moeder the voice of GLaDOS would make for an altogether more awesome “Star Wars.” Hell, GLaDOS and Chell pretty much have a warped mother/daughter relationship as is.
“You know what my days used to be like? I just hunted Jedi. Nobody blew up my battle stations, or left me stranded in space, or made me wonder if my Sith Master lied about my wife dying in childbirth. I had a pretty good life… until you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic.”
If Anakin was a she, then she’d become some stripper in the Mos Eisley cantina, because it made more money than fixing junk and racing pods. Obi would run into her on one of his excursions as a Knight there they would meet and become far more than friends. They’d have a fling across the Bespin system, until she became a huge whiney bitch, and would get all “chokey” that time of the month. So when she tells Obi she’s pregnant (and twins at that!), he bolts because he doesn’t want to lose his Jedi status, and decides to leaves her with the twins. Needless to say, she was quite pissed.
Nevertheless, Yoda finds out, as word spreads fast through the Republic, and subsequently strips Obi of his Jedi status. Obi, down on his luck, and pining again for the romance he once knew, goes back to Tatooine in search of Annie. Well, she’s no where to be found, but after asking around, learns she gave up the kids for adoption. Luke, his son is still on Tatooine, in the care of a couple who runs a moisture farm. She had made a shot-load of money by giving up Leia to some royal family on Alderaan, and used that to flee “this piece of shit planet rolled around in sand.” Her words.
Obi, deciding he’s a major fuck up, decides to live on Tatooine, fighting for custody of his kids. In trying to get them back, it becomes major news, and is dubbed by the media as the “Clone wars”. Legal battle after legal battle, you get the idea… no one would want to see a movie about those events. It’d just be tedious and boring.
Anyway, he loses. Yet, he still lives in his hovel on Tatooine, to watch his son grow up under custody of that dick Owen.
Meanwhile, Yoda reaches out to Obi, telling him his bitch ex-girlfriend made moves on Emperor Palpatine, knowing he was a huge perv, and the two ran off to become Sith masters; Darth Sidious and Darth Nipples. She’s bent on revenge for the Jedi ruining her love for Obi, that she seeks to destroy them all. He begs Obi to return to the Jedi council to be reinstated as a new threat faces the Republic. Obi asks if he can have his lightsaber back, and Yoda says… “whatever,” and gives him back his blue one.
Just as Obi was about to pack up his things and close his bank account, he catches his son fucking around with some Tusken Raiders, and the rest is history.
Except the Death Star smells of cinnamon. It’s pretty nice, actually.
I know all there is to know about the crying game.
Would be a different kind of movie.
I’m trying to imagine how you guys would pronounce Darth Moeder. I know the dutch pronounciation (obviously), but am interested in what Americuns would make of it.
In case you’re interested, the ‘Vader’ in ‘Darth Vader’ is not pronounced as we pronounce vader.
I have an action figure of a female Luke Skywalker. It’s all official, too. Does that help?
“NO WIRE SABERS!!!”
Yes, I know it makes no sense, but neither does the movie I’m parodying.
Something more like this?
If all other elements of the character are the same, 'don’t know who you’d get to do the voice, around the time period of the original movies. Pam Grier?
In EU canon, the Empire power structure especially the military was highly sexist; women virtually never rose to any position of authority. Having Lady Vader stalking around Star Destroyers and the Death Star might have an effect on this; she’d never put up with any attitude from male subordinates. She might end up with a disproportionate number of high ranking female officers around her, since regardless of her tendency to Force Choke people serving with Lady Vader would be the best chance a woman had to get promoted.
I like it.
They changed it from Skywalzer after immigrating from the old planet.
Huh. Who knew Darth Vader was a Quarian?
