Starting to feel better from my breakup.

Hi everyone,

First I just wanted to thank everyone who has been giving me consolation and advice here. I’ve really been making an effort to talk and be very open with my friends and family (and you guys) about my emotions. I find it helps. I think my head is starting to steady a bit. It’s been about 2 1/2 weeks now since my relationship ended. I’m exercising more these days and trying to meet people again.

I feel my emotions right now turn more often towards anger than anything else. Is this normal? There’s a list of things I “put up with” while in my relationship, and the more I think about it the more angry I become. I have seen her in fleeting while moving out (an activity that really pisses me off after all the times I have moved to accommodate her), and I just feel burning rage. I act civil of course, but that is how I feel inside. I think it is better than feeling sad and paralyzed like I was before. Lately when I am away from her I feel much more normal and last night I had my first goodish sleep.

Anyways I just like to share, it helps with my healing process. Thanks for listening.

Not everyone agrees with it, but you might be interested in reading this Wikipedia entry on the Kübler-Ross model, also known as the “Five Stages of Grief.” There’s a subsection on grieving a break-up, and you might find it interesting, as well as reassuring that the various feelings you’re having are pretty normal.

Interesting…I think my order might be different.

2. Bargaining
3. Depression (I would prefer to call it sadness…I still have been doing all my regular duties)
4. Anger
5. Acceptance (hopefully soon)

Yeah, despite the wording in the article that it’s a chronological model, it’s mentioned that the stages don’t necessarily go in order, and that it’s common to hit one of the stages multiple times or skip some. I think the idea is that those are just the five primary types of emotional responses to grief, rather than being a path through grief itself. That your emotions happen to fit one of those main categories at least is a reassurance that you’re being normal for feeling the way you do.

For my own break-ups, I tend to hit the “depression” (I think you’re right, it’s more sadness than clinical depression) and anger stages mostly, rarely bargaining, and don’t think I’ve ever done denial.

From what you’ve described, it actually sounds like anger is very healthy for you - you’re starting to look at things more realistically, that maybe you are better off without her, I would guess.

We’re always here for you mate, its good to know that you’re experiencing less depression, but try not to fester too much (easier said then done I know).

Don’t rebound, and try to move on.

Is there a change of lifestyle you could arrange maybe ?

Take up a new pasttime where you’ll meet different people perhaps.

Or even try to get away for a short break, even a weekend ?

(Although I appreciate that the budget might not run to that )

Sending good thoughts your way !