Oops… forgot to mention – I didn’t realize this until the Dopers answered my question.
I am male.
Bill Clinton is male.
Therefore Monica lewinsky is under my table
I think you’re putting Descartes before the horse.
I’d rather be riding the Descartes with a horse and buggy than Waiting For The 9:07 Godot.
All syllogisms have three parts.
Therefore, this is not a syllogism.
It’s an enthymeme.
(An old one, I know, but it still cracks me up)
I shave every morning.
The sun rises every morning.
Therefore, I must turn on my electric razor every morning, or the sun won’t rise.
I drank gin and tonic, and got a hangover.
The next night, I drank vodka and tonic, and got a hangover.
The next night, I drank whisky and tonic, and got a hangover.
Inductive reasoning leads me to the conclusion that tonic causes hangovers. Tonight, it’s straight tequila, no chaser.
Rats eat cheese
The moon is made out of cheese
Therefore, the craters on the moon are the results of rats chowing down on the moon.
All living things die eventually.
My plant is a living thing.
Therefore, it’s not my fault my plant is dying.
Though the second premise is on shaky ground.
Not originally by me, but I like 'em:
a.
Napoleon was a great general
Great generals are forewarned
Forewarned is forearmed.
Therefore, Napoleon had four arms
b.
Napoleon had four arms
Four is an even number
Four is an odd number of arms to have
The only number that is both odd and even is infinity
Therefore, Napoleon had an infinite number of arms
All ducks weigh less than ten tons
Therefore everything that weighs less than ten tons is a duck.
I always liked Dogbert’s theory on why reading is bad.
Reading increases your knowledge
and knowledge is power
but power corrupts
and corruption is a crime
and crime doesn’t pay.
Therefore if you read you’ll go broke.
I’m tired and going to bed.
But there’s no rest for the wicked.
Therefore I’m good.
Hard work is good for you.
Stealing refrigerators is hard work.
Therefore, stealing refrigerators is good for you.
Can I be the first to say reading most of these my brain has gone
Fssst pop
Aaarrrgggghhhh! You rats!
I just changed my sig, and then I drop by this thread and two people have posted different versions here! (The Ray Charles=God bit)
sigh Back to the quotes file for a new sig. 
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.
Drink is the curse of the working class.
So, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him curse the working class.
No, really, it’s profound!
Deep down, all women are evil:
In order to “obtain” (used very loosely) a woman you need time and money.
Woman=time * money
We also know that “Time is money” so
Woman=money * money or
Woman = money^2
Money is the root of all evil so
money = sqrt(all evil) or
money^2 = sqrt(all evil)^2 or
money^2 = evil
Seeing as
Woman = money^2 and
evil = money^2 then
woman=evil
Cartooniverse, see, but Pittsburgh hasn’t made steel since the early 80s! So we don’t have it in our beer anymore!
Money talks
Talk is cheap
Therefore, money is cheap
Quitters never win
Winners don’t use drugs
Therefore, don’t quit using drugs.
-grin- I knew it. That WAS you at Jerry’s Records in Squirrel Hill, back in the Jazz section with the triple dry decaf caramel latte’ in one hand and a mint pressing of ’ Round Midnight’ in the other !!!