Statements of Logic.

[Cartooniverse]

Here’s the place to offer the most inane bits of faux logic you can come up with. For example:

Iron City Beer is from Pittsburgh.
Steel is made in Pittsburgh.
Therefore, they must use beer in their steel.

And, so on.

Cartooniverse

[Raymond_Luxury_Yacht]

It’s been used before, but it’s still funny:

Money is the root of all evil.
Time is money.
Time is the root of all evil.

[Dragwyr]

God is love.
Love is blind.
Ray Charles is blind.
Therefore Ray Charles is God.

[ultrafilter]

Nothing is better than true love.
A ham sandwich is better than nothing.
Therefore, a ham sandwich is better than true love.

[Cougarfang]

My feet are cold.
Ice cubes are cold.
Therefore, my feet are ice cubes.

[sub]Well, it certainly feels that way…[/sub]

[Fatwater_Fewl]

Oysters exist in the world.
Oysters mean the world to me.
Therefore the world is my oyster.

[racinchikki]

Rubber duckies have no legs.
That guy from Forrest Gump had no legs.
Rubber duckies are friends with Ernie on Sesame Street.
Forrest Gump was friends with the guy who had no legs.
Therefore, the legless guy is a rubber duckie and Forrest Gump can’t play the saxophone.

[Cartooniverse]

( as ** Cartooniverse** quiet passes the hat to get up enough money to buy rainchikki some Nyquil so she can sleep and feel better…)

Bennies are a slang name for amphetamines.
Jet airplanes fly fast.
Therefore, Bennie and the Jets is the fastest faux rock band on the planet.

[Jayrot]

The Raelians say they have cloned a human.
Cloning humans is theoretically possible.
Therefore, the Raelians did clone a human.

[False_God]

God is love.
Love is blind.
Ray Charles is blind.

Therefore, God plays the piano.

[Shade]

         x=y
        xx=xy
     xx-yy=xy-yy
(x+y)(x-y)=(x-y)y
       x+y=y
let x=y=1

2=1

Bertrand Russel and The Pope are two.
Therefore Bertrand Russel and The Pope are one.
Tehrefore Bertrand Russel is the pope.

[Another_Primate]

*Originally posted by Shade *
**

         x=y
        xx=xy
     xx-yy=xy-yy
(x+y)(x-y)=(x-y)y
       x+y=y
let x=y=1

2=1

**

x=y, ok. xx=xy, ok. xx-yy=xy-yy, ok.
How the hell did you get the left side of
xx-yy=(x+y)(x-y)
?

Oh, never mind. You’re right.
How DOES this work?

[Zoe]

Syllogisms are three-lined statements of logic.
This syllogism has three lines.
Therefore, I am a logical person and my husband is wrong.

[Dragwyr]

My favorite:

It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. And finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any person you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination."

-The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

[sotally_tober]

*Originally posted by Another Primate *
**x=y, ok. xx=xy, ok. xx-yy=xy-yy, ok.
How the hell did you get the left side of
xx-yy=(x+y)(x-y)
?

Oh, never mind. You’re right.
How DOES this work? **

if x=y then x-y or x+y =0

and when you divide by zero, infinity comes into the picture and tears the argument apart.
cold is not hot
hot is not cold

therefore i am smart.

[Cat_Whisperer]

I lie in every statement I make.
I lied in the previous statement.
Therefore I told the truth in my first statement.
Therefore I lied in my first statement.
Therefore I told the truth in my first statement.
(I love paradoxes.)

[Shade]

*Originally posted by Another Primate *
**x=y, ok. xx=xy, ok. xx-yy=xy-yy, ok.
How the hell did you get the left side of
xx-yy=(x+y)(x-y)
?

Oh, never mind. You’re right.
How DOES this work? **

Sorry, are you asking why it gives 2=1 (as Another Primate explains 20=10 doesn’t mean 2=1, because you can’t cancel the zeros) or how I went from xx-yy to (x+y)(x-y) to which the answer is as you seemed to guess, that I’ve seen it before, so I know these two are equal. (If you do much maths you remember 100s of these thigns)

[Liberal]

Sotally wrote:

and when you divide by zero, infinity comes into the picture and tears the argument apart.

Actually, undefined comes into the picture. x/0 is not infinity.

---

All cats die,
Socrates is dead,
Therefore Socrates was a cat.

[BuckleberryFerry]

*Originally posted by Another Primate *
**x=y, ok. xx=xy, ok. xx-yy=xy-yy, ok.
How the hell did you get the left side of
xx-yy=(x+y)(x-y)
?

Oh, never mind. You’re right.
How DOES this work? **

It doesn’t. As far as I can tell, the lines (x+y)(x-y)=(x-y)y into x+y=y are incorrect…if you were to divide both sides by (x-y) would you not get-----

(x+y) = y
(x-y)
Or am I really doing that badly in my PreCal class?

~Ferry

[Another_Primate]

*Originally posted by BuckleberryFerry *
**It doesn’t. As far as I can tell, the lines (x+y)(x-y)=(x-y)y into x+y=y are incorrect…if you were to divide both sides by (x-y) would you not get-----

(x+y) = y
(x-y)
Or am I really doing that badly in my PreCal class?

~Ferry **

Won’t be rude enough to answer your last question.
But…
(X+Y)(X-Y)=(X-Y)Y
Divide both sides by (X-Y)
and you get
(X+Y)=Y

The point of why this doesn’t work? I think it’s that you cannot divide by zero, and so if it is true that X=Y, dividing by (X-Y) produces crazy results.