Communists! Purveyors of depravity!
Your transparent attempts to sap the vitality of the American people is destined to fail. We will preserve our precious bodily fluids by spurning your attempts to defile us with these Marxist rare steaks.
Waiter, take this back to the kitchen and tell Sergei I want this steak cooked!
Infadels!
When the pin is pulled, Mr.Grenade is no longer our friend.
In my Holy House, at the Holy alter call by the mundane a stove, it is allowed, upon the word of the Goddess who first taught us to combine fire and food, that the steak of enlightenment (peferably aged, New York/Kansas City Strip or Filet Mignon) be cooked just beyond medium, for those still growing accustom to the pleasure of good steak, though truly medium rare is most perfect for those who have evolved. To fry in a heavy pan does indeed allow the flavors to best be sealed within the meat–first saute mushrooms in butter, then remove the mushrooms, add more butter, saute onions, remove the onions, turn up the heat, add butter to the remaining mushroom/onion juices, place the steak, well rubbed with fresh garlic into the pan, sear it on both sides. Then, turn down the heat, cover the steak, cook until bright pink and hot in the center, turning often and adding garlic salt near the end. The last minute of cooking, add the mushrooms and onions. Under NO circumstanses should the heavenly taste of steak be polluted while cooking with any type of pepper. Those who need to disguise its taste (pehaps they feel unworthy of its pefection) should add pepper at the table. Serve with home-made french fries or chips, or with baked potato (not microwaved, not steamed in a jacket of tin foil–BAKED)-and green vegetables if that floats your boat. English lager–John Courage or Bass–is the proper beverage, but the underaged, or non-alcoholic, may dring raspberry lemonade or whole milk. Dessert is your choice, of course, else it would not truly be dessert, but a dessert always follows a steak dinner, to complete the Holy Wholeness of the experience.
Of course, if you like your steak some other way, such is your right in the United States–freedom of religion and all. I’ll defend to my death your right to eat it well-done, just don’t expect me to join you for dinner.
I don’t like steak.
Strike me down for such heresy if you will, but you cannot change a man’s deeper self. My inner me, my id, my very soul if you will denies the appeal of a steak, be it raw or burned, fresh or rotten, alive or dead…
I’ll have a meat pie and chips, thanks.
-PIGEONMAN-
Returns!
The Legend Of PigeonMan - By Popular Demand! Enjoy, enjoy!
My ultimate steak gets cooked over a campfire…its mouth-watering aroma drifting over the campsite while someone else pumps the keg. This t-bone, this ambrosia, gets turned over exactly once. The fat on the edge is blackend and crispy, but the interior is still light pink. When eaten along with potatoes that have been foil-wrapped and roasted, and some heavily buttered corn on the cob, you’ll know that you’ve reached the point in the day when just one more mug of frosty beer is all that stands between you and a nap. sigh
Scylla:
If I wanted to eat meat that was still pink, I’d have a slice of Bologna or a Vienna sausage.
Just remember: When you are writhing in agony on the floor from the Salmonella/Botulism/E. Coli you got by eating a rare steak, you’ll see my spirit laughing down at you, holding a big hunk of well-done Filet Mignon in my hand.
Steak Cooking as a martial arts exercise:
Yes, it’s true. Steak cooking can be a great exercise for the budding martial arts student. Quite obviously you heathens have never enjoyed a steak cooked by the power of the chi. Yes, the chi, that inner power that can do everything from heal to kill can be used to cook steaks, but the ancient chi masters don’t want you to know this, but I will break the code of silence and reveal this most potent use of chi (much more impressive than dim mak death touches).
Step #1: Choose your steak.
Personally, I like prime rib, but it is rather expensive. Ultimately, the chi will flow cleaner through better cuts of meat. Also, unlike regular heat, chi heat works inversely proportional to the size of the cut. Therefore a 20 oz. steak will chi cook much faster than a 8 oz. steak.
Step #2: Develop you chi.
The student should find a secluded spot for meditation. A mountaintop or under a waterfall should suffice. The student should spend the next week (2 days for chi masters) in meditation. Eating lotus leaves can reduce the time by half.
Since, we will be calling for the power of chi fire, the meditation should be performed using the fire mantra and finger positions.
It is this step that is most critical as an exercise. For the student going one week in meditation while thinking about a thick, juicy prime rib with the temptation to cook it using primitive and unenlightened fire will develop the will to a razor edge!
Step #3: Chi cook your steak.
After the end of meditation, bring the steak before you. Focus your will on the steak and steak alone. Remove from your mind anything else. Feel the chi flow through. Imagine the steak cooked to perfection by the enlightened intelligence of the universe itself. With a mighy kiai, your steak will be cooked. Remember, the bigger the steak the less time you should focus on it.
Step #4: Be Condescending towards unbelievers.
Anybody asking how the chi works should be quickly rebuked with a haughty “You just wouldn’t understand it.” or “You are not enlightened enough to get it.” Afterall, you are not a lotus-eating chi master, it simply wouldn’t do for you not to flaunt your new found powers in the face of others.
Kalessa:
Clearly you have attained great wisdom. It is possible to evolve during this life,and reform.
Those that prefer their steaks well-done, are hereby granted a disposition to cook them to medium as long as thye use inferior cut. They are only allowed to do so until they have moved along the path of enlightenment far enough to appreciate medium rare. THey must not stray on the path.
We disagree on aspect. The merest hint of pepper in the marinade helps bring the steak towards perfection.
Tracer:
You grow ever more foolish and repetitive with each post.
The subject of Barbeque and E. Coli bacteria has already been fully covered.
May I suggest that you move towards enlightenment far enough that you may operate the scroll bar? No. THen I shall cut and paste.
On food poisoning:
If you have done all I said, and thy burners are truly very very hot with righteousness,
than do not feel tempted to leave the steak on the heat any longer. Do not listen to the
voice of the evil one who would make you do so.
If your steak is pure and righteous than you shall never need fear the dreaded E. Coli,
and shalt not suffer food poisoning.
But Know this!
If your steak is not pure and righteous
Or if it uttered a "Neiiigghhh," a "BAAAA" or worse yet a "WOOOF!" whilst it was living.
Indeed if it uttered anything than the sacred "MOOO" while it was alive than you may
very well count yourself among the fallen and partake mightily of the antacid and toilet
paper and stomach pump of the damned.
Only the finest of steak can undergo the sacred cooking technique without danger.
The faithful welcome the risk.
On Barbecue:
Since playing with fire IS so much fun, Scientists have been working to develop a grill
that would cook hot and quick enough to break through the toughening barrier.
That way barbecue addicts would not be deprived of Panultimate Steak!
(recognizing your addiction is the first step to breaking free)
Here is a link to the Liquid Oxygen Fired Grill!
[http://www.rain.org/~adbrown/html/combustion.html](http://www.rain.org/~adbrown/html/combustion.html)
Clearly more research needs to be done before this becomes a viable Steak cooking
apparatus.
Give in Tracer. Do not fight it. Eat The ONE TRUE STEAK (OTS for short)!!!
Often wrong… NEVER in doubt
Assasins!
You testify, but you leave out one of the major gospels… PRIME and even better PRIME ANGUS.
Gotta start with the best to get the best.
Cast iron is great (start by heating in 500 degree oven to get it up to heat), but there is still something magical about tending to the grill alter.
I was taught by my dear mother that medium well was proper, but as I got older and became a free thinker I realized that medium rare is the most that is needed. My little girl was only three when she tasted Grandpa’s “Red Steak” (a beautiful rare filet) and still comments that “Red Steak” is her favorite food.
Spud
Truly you are worthy!
AH YES! PRIME! Today it’s all Lean cuisine, and such. Too bad prime meat is hard to find.
I know it’s difficult, but you must forgo the flame. The flame lengthens the cooking time and toughens the meat.
One of the great by-products of nuclear testing is better steak. It happened like this . . . in one of the atolls in the south Pacific some government or another (I believe it was the US, but it might have been France) was in the process of yield testing of some of their little toys. As part of the experiment, several carcasses of dead animals were placed in the water in order to test the effect the shock wave would have on them. As you might have guessed there was a cow in the mix somewhere and after the buys in the white coats got finished poking around, well, they had all this steak left over. They dug in and enjoyed the best, freshest steak they’d ever had. Why? As it turns out as the shock wave passed through the corpse it initiated microtears in the tissue. Traditionally meat is aged something like two weeks before it is shipped out of the slaughterhouse. This is because the meat would become more tender after it had aged. The problem with this is that it also gives bacteria time to grow so it’s a delicate balancing act. Anyway, some steaks are now submerged and subjected to shock waves created by huge metal battering rams. Interesting huh? This is all in [url="http://www.sciam.com>Scientific American some time about a year ago.
Worcestershire rules and I think I even spelled it correctly.
Some good tail…er…lobster tail or even king crab legs are better than a steak any day. So there.
The best place to have any one of the three is the Chicago Chop House with some red Chilean wine (WARNING: $50/person).
Where’s IMTHECOWGODMOO hiding during all of this? I’m hungry.
Scylla:
Actually, the best steaks are produced when the meat has what is called marbling whereinwhich (is that a word?) the tasteless gristle you refer to fully permeates the meat and is not simply relegated to the outside.
Kallessa: Whole milk is indeed heresy.
Rysdad: Watch out for the bears.
tracer: Have you ever read the ingredients in that canned meat crap? I’d rather have E-coli than eat that stuff.
The most disgusting steak I’ve ever had was baked and served in the same dish. It was, unfortunately, a filet mignon and was flooded with about a half-inch of grease in the bottom of the plate. The inside was steak tartar (sp?). My final word: Medium-rare.
Snap into a slim jim!!!
I hate it when that happens:
Scientific American some time about a year ago.
Worcestershire rules and I think I even spelled it correctly.
Some good tail…er…lobster tail or even king crab legs are better than a steak any day. So there.
The best place to have any one of the three is the Chicago Chop House with some red Chilean wine (WARNING: $50/person).
Where’s IMTHECOWGODMOO hiding during all of this? I’m hungry.
Scylla:
Actually, the best steaks are produced when the meat has what is called marbling whereinwhich (is that a word?) the tasteless gristle you refer to fully permeates the meat and is not simply relegated to the outside.
Kallessa: Whole milk is indeed heresy.
Rysdad: Watch out for the bears.
tracer: Have you ever read the ingredients in that canned meat crap? I’d rather have E-coli than eat that stuff.
The most disgusting steak I’ve ever had was baked and served in the same dish. It was, unfortunately, a filet mignon and was flooded with about a half-inch of grease in the bottom of the plate. The inside was steak tartar (sp?). My final word: Medium-rare.
Snap into a slim jim!!!
Dammit Scylla, now I’m hungry. And this town’s finer steak-scarfin’ establishments are now closed.
Agreed, New York Strip is the best cut. Never heard of Shell. How would you hierarchically rate the rest of them? I also like a good porterhouse. Flank is better used as fajita meat.
I used to order steaks medium-rare, but since so many cooks interprete that to mean rare (perhaps because I like a larger cut), I now request medium. This produces the desired result.
Sorry, no fried foods with such a meal: the potato will be baked. The ice cold beer will be Canadian, unless I can find Luckenbach Amber.
You’re only as old as you look.
Scyllia,
Truly you are a true believer in Steakitarianism and you are so close to steak nirvana that I feel I must finally delurk so as to help you achieve your steak-Buddah nature.
In your OP, you wrote
>Lightly marinated with Teriyaki, Soy, and >black pepper, a stick of butter should be >placed in the center of a white hot cast >iron frying pan.
Teriaki Sauce contains sugar which can caramelize and/or burn, thus obscuring the true perfection that is steak. Also, we have the use of Soy Sauce, mostly made of salt but of a nature that can overpower the flavor of the steak. For true steak perfection, the following will add 2 Karma levels to your already high status…
Take garlic (only a couple of cloves, do not run amok with it) and chop finely. Add some coarse (Kosher is good) salt and mash together. Add a grind or two of black pepper. Take an oil with a high smoke point (peanut oil is good as is grapeseed, but grapeseed is expensive) and put the smallest possible amount necessary to thinly coat each side. Less is better. Rub the salt/garlic/pepper mixture onto the entire steak. Use less butter than you suggested (perhaps 1/2 a stick) and follow the rest of your directions, with one exception: You must not cover your steak or it will steam, not saute. True, butter will splatter all over your stovetop, but alas, this is a sacrifice that true steak martyrs must make. As is said in the Steakitarian holy book “By a butter-splattered stovetop ye shall know them”. Should you follow these directions, you will achieve steak nirvana and be bodily taken into steak heaven (which may be mixing theologies, but true Steakitarianism transends all such petty details.)
If you wish to add Soy, Teriaki or Worcestershire(sp), it was resolved in the schism of '03 that these would be permitted, but only after cooking. (Catsup is never acceptable on steak. All sides in the schism agreed that Catsup was the sauce of the beast)
Yours in Steakitarianism,
Fenris
New York Strip? Heathens! The only true Strip Steak is the Omaha. What you ask makes the Omaha Strip so superior to the New York? The presence of the bone, to add to the flavor.
The only important element in cooking the sacred steak is heat. Your grill/oven/broiler/skillet must be hot enough before you even think of introducing the steak. Then the proper cooking time is three seconds per side per ounce.
Letting my inner child run loose and break things.
Insurance companies are just stupid.
They won’t cover (for the most part) Zyban to help quit smoking, but have no problems paying for the complications from smoking years down the road.
It’s not a gender issue… It’s all-around idiocy!
Yer pal,
Satan
Re: My last post
Move along… Nothing to see here…
THIS is what happens when you read every thread at the same time…
Hmmm, a thread after my own heart! Scylla, if you and I weren’t already married to others, I’d go after you myself, based on this! A True Steak Lover is a rare thing indeed (no pun intended!).
I don’t worry about eating them rare here in NE since my steaks come from family cattle and I’ve never been sick yet. OTOH, when I go to CT I used to order them medium since I’m not sure where they’ve been. After the last piece of beef I had there (which I would not have used as shoe leather), I’ve vowed to stick to seafood out there.
Prairie Rose
If you’re not part of the solution you’re just scumming up the bottom of the beaker.
“Too bad prime meat is hard to find”
I must be spoiled by living in the midwest. There are two places in less than a mile from my home that have prime beef available. And they have real butchers that will cut to your order.
Which reminds me of one of the cardinal sins… NEVER by a steak pre-wrapped in plastic wrap on a little styrofoam tray!!! Talk to your butcher, get to know him… he can be your best friend.