Steak Wasting

Great Debates
1

Oh you can mess with your flank steak, your rumps and your roasts, and I don’t care.

But when you are dealing with a choice steak, like a New York Strip, or a Shell Steak you potentially have a piece of greatness in your hands.

Would you discard the Mona Lisa for it’s frame? Destroy a rain forest for a toothpick.

Such is the caliber of a great piece of meat.

One of these works of art should only be prepared in the following manner:

Lightly marinated with Teriyaki, Soy, and black pepper, a stick of butter should be placed in the center of a white hot cast iron frying pan.

The Steak should be thrown immediately onto the butter, and the top should be placed on teh skillet before the butter explodes.

You should count to 60, flip the steak, count to thirty and remove it from the heat. Seared on the outside, bloody in the middle.
It should be served with exactly 4 onion rings, sauteed mushrooms, homemade twice-fried french fries, and a very cold beer (German is best.)

People who fail to prepare a quality steak in this manner are guilty of a crime against nature.

They should be punished for desecrating the memory of a selfless bovine who gave his/her life so that a steak might be perfect.

Those who simply bake their steaks for an hour or so until leathery should be jailed.

I admit the possibility that they’re might be some help for those well-meaning but misguided individuals who insist on grilling their steaks. Perhaps federal funds can be supplied towards their reeducation.

I believe that you should be federally licensed before you are allowed to purchase quality steak.

I open this thread to educate those interested in this topic, as well as to convert those out there not in compliance.

Lastly, there is the remote possibility that the above described steak is not the penultimate of perfection. Perhaps there is a better way (I admit to the idea so that I my claim lip service to keeping an open mind.)

If this is so, I await conversion.

Often wrong… NEVER in doubt

2

Love the enthusiasm, but we’ve done this. Very recently, in fact. And it was over in MPSIMS to boot.

Yer pal,
Satan

3

Really?

Then I will withdraw it with apologies, and the hopes that the proper conclusions were reached.

MPSIMS? I’m surprised that could be for a topic so crucial to life.

Thanks Satan I feel all deflated now. :frowning:

Often wrong… NEVER in doubt

4

Scientists should design an animal that definitely wants to be eaten and is fully capable of articulating that desire.

Thanks again for the dollar, Satan!

5

Turning this into a Great Debate:

Okay, I can understand how the T-bone got its name. Or the shoulder. Or the prime rib. But what part of the cow is “New York”?! I thought the big slaughterhouse stockyards were all in Chicago! (Okay, they moved them to Omaha 'cause the Windy City residents were getting sick of the smell or something. But neither Illinois NOR Nebraska is anywhere near New York!)

6

THe head of the Cow is the New York, because lots of movement goes on there and it’s the highest (in elevation of built material).

Of course, I’m just ignorant.

7

Before DavidB throws this back into MPSIMS, I feel the need to get two things off my chest:

  1. Surgoshan, if you will read The Rstaurant At The End Of The Universe, by Douglas Adams (Book Two of what used to be known as “The Hitchhiker’s Trilogy”), you will find that such a critter as you describe plays an important role on the menu of the eponymous establishment. No clues are given as to how it was accomplished.

  2. Scylla, although it has a snappier ring to it than the more pedestrian “ultimate,” the word “penultimate” refers to the-next-to-the-last, in other words (given your example), one step down from the perfect preparation/presentation of a fine cut of beef. Unless you subscribe to the philosophy implied in the A-1 Steak Sauce advertising slogan “It’s how Steak is Done”, I would hazard a guess that “ultimate” is, in fact, the word you were looking for.

Of course truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.
Mark Twain

8

Excuse me; that should be Restaurant.

9

Man, oh man, I quelched the dreams of one Scylla, whom I have grown rather fond of. No, this will never do.

Okay, I will attempt to make this debate-worthy (and not the “New York” rubbish - Strip’s are called Kansas City Strips as well, and probably other places too), in the hopes of not being branded a big poopy head.

A steak should be cooked rare. I will allow you medium rare if you like it a bit warmer than that in the center. All great chefs feel this way, and most of the shitty ones I imagine.

If you cook a steak medium well or (sacriledge) well, you should save everyone a lot of trouble and you a bunch of money and just get some fucking beef jerky, thanks.

Okay, Scylla. I hope you can see that Satan indeed loves you…

Yer pal,
Satan

10

Please excuse my ignorance. I know the New York, Rib Eye, Porterhouse…

But what is a “shell steak”?

The most Invisible poster in the history of the boards. Posting invisibly since sept 1999.

11

Everyone knows that deadcow should be treated with FIRE, not just heat. Charred on the outside, red (but not cold) on the inside.

A side note: I was watching people cooking hot dogs on a small grille. They doused the coals with lighter fluid (I always use the “can” method, so as to avoid using petoleum in my food) and lit them. When the flames started sying down they added more lighter fluid. Then they put the hot dogs on the grille while the fluid was still burning off. It wasn’t until after they had finished eating that the coals were ready to use. sigh

12

Those who keep kosher cannot eat blood–no rare steaks, no pink ones.

Oh, and the ONLY way to eat a peanut is if it has had part of the skin removed by a 19 year old gypsy woman under the light of a full moon. Moreover, those who DON’T eat their peanuts this way, including those who don’t eat peanuts at all, are doomed to hell everlasting, where they will be eaten rare in Terriyaki sauce.

Bucky

13

It appears I have a mandate from hell to continue. Thanks Satan.

Kaylasdad99:

I accept your definition of penultimate. Clearly by now you have figured out that my choice of this word was actually a clever trap!

When speaking of the PANULTIMATE (I think I just made that word up) religious experience; that of creating and eating the perfect steak, one must look not to closely at the mundane MEANING of a word, but rather it’s higher place in the resonations of my song of praise towards steak.

Your failure to do so has brought you into my trap! I have met a True Steak Lover, and you sir, are no True Steak Lover!

You are possibly simply a victim of culinary impovershment. Never having tasted the Food of The Gods, you cannot recognize its music.

Repent now. Feast on The One True Steak as I have defined it, and there may yet be hope for Sir!

Johnny L.A.

You poor deluded man. Many such as you have come to me, and fear not I will not turn you away.

The flames of which you speak are but a poor substitute for the sustained intense heat of dense cast-iron frying pan.

Scientists have discovered that within the seed of all great steaks lies its destruction.

The Toughening Molecule.

As we all know, this dormant molecule becomes active when heat is applied to the steak. The longer the steak cooks, the tougher it gets. There is no escape from this fact.

A mere barbecue or open flame recquires one to cook his steak for sometimes as long as ten minutes!

The toughening molecule drives all the moisture, fat and flavor out of your steak and into the charcoal. You are left with a mere shadow of a great steak. As such you are to be pitied.

The frying pan locks it in. It keeps the juices right by the steak, and it cooks so fast that the toughening molecule barely has a chance to begin its sinister catalytic action.

Change your ways now sir! Before it is too late. If you but heed my words I can promise you paradise!

Often wrong… NEVER in doubt

14

I always found it unfortunate that Douglas Adams did not acknowledge Al Capp for the idea.

Tom~

15

Since playing with fire IS so much fun, Scientists have been working to develop a grill that would cook hot and quick enough to break through the toughening barrier.

That way barbecue addicts would not be deprived of Panultimate Steak!

(recognizing your addiction is the first step to breaking free)

Here is a link to the Liquid Oxygen Fired Grill!
http://www.rain.org/~adbrown/html/combustion.html

Clearly more research needs to be done before this becomes a viable Steak cooking apparatus.

Tracer asked what part of a cow is a shell steak:

The question is Moot!!! (translation I have no idea)

It is unwise to question to deeply the nature of your meat.

That it is, and that is good is all that we need know.

Often wrong… NEVER in doubt

16

Bucky:

May I politely inquire as to whether you would be willing to dispense with your peanut hypocrisy in this forum?

I cannot comment on the Kosher nature of a steak, other than to mention that I have shared the perfection of steak with those of the Jewish faith without any divine retribution.

Often wrong… NEVER in doubt

17

Scylla–What the hell is “peanut hypocrisy”? How is this hypocritcial?

I didn’t say that Yahweh would strike people down for eating rare steak, although calling it divine seems a bit of a stretch. I have friends who no longer keep kosher but who still can’t abide the thought of bloody steak.

You call it divine. They call it barbaric. I call it icky.

I also call saying that there is one and only one way to eat anything (or do anything, etc.) smug, pompous, sanctimonious, and wrong.

But I also want you to continue to eat your steak the way YOU like it. We just won’t share bites.

Bucky

Oh, well. We can always make more killbots.

18

Hmph, seems one can’t avoid the in your face fundies even when dealing with the joy that is steak. Beware people!! Scylla is an intolerant fundamentalistic member of the church of the bloody cow. His type can’t be reasoned with, it is their way or you are damned to eating overcooked flanksteak for eternity!
:stuck_out_tongue:
That said, the best way to have a steak is slightly pink in the middle, after hand rubbing a little butter and a lot of garlic into it. The manner in which it is done is unimportant, one can even sear it with a pan, then toss it on the grill with the corn and the foil packets of tomatoes, onions and bell peppers.

>>Being Chaotic Evil means never having to say your sorry…unless the other guy is bigger than you.<<

—The dragon observes

19

Forgive me Bucky the words I wanted to use were “peanut heresy.”

I think it is wrong to eat a steak any other way, and stand behind my right to foist my unreasonable belief upon anybody who cares to read this.

Any other use of a high-quality steak is morally wrong in my eyes.

In case you missed it, I am not being particularly serious in this thread. I hope that’s obvious.

I can do nothing to stop you from committing whatever atrocity you like upon your meat, and I fully support your right to do so.

You also have the right to haul manure in a Ferarri or play a fine symphony on a Banjo if you care to.

If you choose to do so I think you are not realizing the full aesthetic potential inherent in those things.

Such is Steak in my eyes, and I shall so arrogantly pontificate.

I’m really just trying to have some fun here and didn’t mean to piss you off. I thought you were going along with it with the gypsy peanut thing and thought it would be funny if I dismissed you as a heretic for it. Are we okay?

Release your anger. Eat the One True Steak and all will be clear to you, my son.

Often wrong… NEVER in doubt

20

Narile:

You are not far from the true path!

Often wrong… NEVER in doubt