Still go to heaven, but __ for all eternity

In My Humble Opinion
1

This popped into my head during an idle moment at work - so it may not be original - but I seem to recall reading or dreaming up a story prompt or Tumblr convo or something, around the lines of what should happen to someone who’s not, like, Hitler bad, but kind of vaguely a bit of an asshole sometimes.

The idea is, the guy still goes to Heaven, buuuuuut …

What I think was the original was, “You still get to go to Heaven, but there’s a popcorn shard stuck in your teeth for all eternity.”

My idea was, “You still get to go to Heaven, but you intermittently hear a random beeping sound, for all eternity.”

… thought it would make for a fun lil’ game. Aaaaand … go!

2

A classic one from Weird Al:

“He lets me into Heaven anyway, but I get the room next to the noisy ice machine for all eternity.”

3

4

This couple is driving down the road when they miss a curve & plunge over an embankment & tragically they both die & go up to Heaven. The wife is first in line & when it’s her turn with St. Peter he explains that she was hardly a model citizen & they will let her in but ::click:: she is now handcuffed to a bum for all eternity as her penance.

A couple of days go by & she sees her husband, handcuffed to a gorgeous bikini-clad supermodel. She turns on her heels right back to the Pearly Gates, steam coming from her ears enraged, furiously dragging her bum off his feet, & well, bouncing along his bum as he’s dragged along. She barges to the front of the line & starts to yell at St. Peter - “WTF he was no saint; how the 'eck did he get a supermodel to spend eternity with” on & on with her ranting when St. Peter can finally get a word in edgewise he calmly explains that she has it all wrong…& that her husband is the supermodel’s penance!

5

You’ll still go to Heaven but you will forever have the the feeling that you need to urinate.

6

… but you teeter on the edge of a sneeze that never quite arrives for all eternity.

7

The visuals are scrambled like Skinemax

8

Honestly, I can’t think of anything I would want to happen for all eternity but, just to play along, a tiny itch right between the wings.

9

You can’t fly but have to take the bus everywhere.

10

There’s only one source of information about the entire universe, Fox News.

11

Nope. That’s Hell right there.

12

You have to ride in the back of the Godbus and drink from Sinners Only water fountains.

13

…all tea comes with milk and/or sugar.

Hell is the same in this way but they only serve Lipton tea.

14

Kars4Kids jingle plays constantly.

15

And men don’t get penances? I mean, the joke falls flat to me in the sense that it just says he’s bad, too, but there’s no reference to punishment for him. I mean, yeah, sure, the supermodel is bad enough to have to do some penance, but we don’t get any details about what actually makes this unpleasant to the guy. Which may give us a “guy joke” where even in being undesirable himself, the husband wins (and the wife loses). I guess not all guys win (like the guy handcuffed to her, presumably), but yeah, totally unfunny from this woman’s perspective

16

Is that better or worse than “It’s a Small World”?