Stop Assuming I Never Heard of the Things in Your Trivia List Titles

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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This is a really petty rant, too weak for the Pit.

Lately, I’ve been noticing a very annoying trend in the titles of internet trivia lists: “Ten Top (whatever’s) You’ve Never Heard Of!!!”

Examples include: “Ten Insane Biblical Laws You Never Heard Of”, “You Never Heard of this Racial Riot.” “Eight Epilogues of Famous Events You Never Heard Of” Cracked.com does this, along with Secular Talk on YouTube.

Okay, their target demographic is Millennials, who haven’t had as much time to peruse historical trivia as I have in my Late Boomer fifty plus years. But every time I read one of these “EPIC!” lists, I have to roll my eyes and think, “Yep, heard of that,…uh-huh, knew that one too…Pffft, who doesn’t know that?..”

Yes, I know the Old Testament says you can’t wear two kinds of fabric at once…Yes, I know that many years after Lincoln’s assasination, Major Henry Rathbone, who tried to grab John Wilkes Booth after he shot Lincoln, ended up killing Clara Harris who sat with him on that night at Ford’s Theater…Yes, I know that’s a 1926 Hupmobile on the back of the ten dollar bill.

Cracked.com is especially egregious when it comes to social justice stuff. In that racial riot piece I alluded to, they seemed especially amazed by the Boston Busing Riot of 1976.
(You know, the one wherethis picture won the 1977 Pulitzer Prize.)

“This happened in 1976! Not during the 1800’s! Not during the Civil Rights Marches! But in 1976!”

It’s like THEY NEVER HEARD OF… Rodney King or Reginald Denny. In 1992!!! EPIC!!!

Anyway, Millennial trivia mongers, please stop assuming I’ve never heard of things. Use titles like “Presidential Fuck-Ups Hardly Anybody Knows About” instead.

Thank you.

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Cracked.com’s Title Guy is actually a two drunken monkeys in a trench coat.

Caption Guy is usually spot on, though.

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They got you to click, they won…

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You haven’t learned how to – technically or mentally – filter out clickbait yet?

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Young person thinks he/she is the first person in the world to ever discover something. Story at 11.

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I once foolishly clicked on a photo gallery titled “20 Celebs You Didn’t Know Passed Away.” These included, I shit ye not, Kurt Cobain, Princess Diana, and John Lennon.

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But I have it on good authority that number 7 will shock you.

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“Wonder why (some actor) doesn’t get cast anymore?”. Go to IMDB, and they’re working their ass off.

“Ever wonder why Trump doesn’t talk about his daughter Tiffany?” Who the fuck knows what he talks about?

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I sure wish people would stop asking if anybody does something in order to start a conversation.

In order to start a conversation about jazz, you don’t ask, “Does anybody listen to Jazz?”

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It’s the same as all those Facebook quizzes that are apparently designed to make people with average-to-below-average educations and the very most general and common of knowledge think they’re a “genius.”

E.g., apparently I’m an “art genius” because I can correctly identify 10 of the most widely recognizable paintings in the history of mankind. “The Scream”? “Starry Night”? Are you kidding me?! They had the freakin’ Mona Lisa on that fucking quiz!

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That’s their secondary purpose. Their primary purpose is to make idiots load ten separate, ad-filled web pages.

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Of course. But you can make that assumption with pretty much everything on Facebook.

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The ones that annoy me are the ones that start off by telling me I’m doing something wrong. “10 Foods you didn’t know you were cooking wrong!” Nah, I like my food the way it is, thanks. I enjoy learning new things, but don’t insult my intelligence right off the bat.

Two genres I’ve been seeing a lot lately are: “So-and-so’s net worth doesn’t make any sense” and “What So-and-so looks like doesn’t make any sense”. No, I’m pretty sure a major actor/athlete/whatever is worth a ton of money, and that the beauty queen of yesteryear looks like an older beautiful person. Both of those make perfect sense.

And, evidently, the TV shows of the 50s-70s were rife with hidden secrets. “What Don Knotts kept secret during filming of Three’s Company!” I’m perfectly content not knowing that “secret”.

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Even the national news networks use a form of click bait. “These two women were playing ping-pong. You won’t believe what happened next!” What happens next in my house is that I change the channel.

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Cracked also does the opposite: “Six Myths About The Old West You Believe Are True” – provided you still believe that everyone walked around with exaggerated bow legs, wearing giant hats and dressed in cow-hide chaps while saying “Pardner” all the time before their High Noon shootout on Main Street.

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You’re right, I forgot about that. If anything, telling me what I believe is even more insulting.