Stop embarrassing us!

The BBQ Pit
1

Goddamn it! Look, I know South Carolina isn’t populated solely by porch-dwelling banjo players of questionable genetic diversity. Some of you know that. But other people don’t know that, and it’s unfair but we have to be extra careful about how we present ourselves, okay? Like women who are commercial fishermen and FBI agents and roughnecks - we have to be twice as good to have half a chance. Okay? We’re in this shit together.

So thank you soooooo fucking much, my beloved fellow Carolinians, for doing your part. Finally, we’ve decided that yeah, we should probably do something about this cockfighting shit that your fucking cousin does in his back yard. So it’s a slap on the wrist, considering, but at least it’s going to trial and it’s in the news. Front page, even! There’s a story about how this guy’s too sick to go to prison and cost us a shit ton of money, and we’re not sending him but we’re putting a leg monitor on him because the judge thinks the guy’s an obvious goddamned liar lying back in the tall grass. Over 20,000 fighting chickens died in this man’s yard, by the way. He’s probably going to lose the family farm due to fees, because he… has no money? Yeah. Right. Anyway.

My god, the comments. “These valiant feathered warriors!” Oh my god! People do not need any goddamned help making us look bad, you moron! Cockfighting is not a “constitutional right” as far as I remember, as this guy claims, but hell, maybe I was out sick when they taught that part of the Bill of Rights.

Oh, and here’s a gem from one of the articles: “Dyal told Currie, “You can go into any abortion clinic, and a woman can have a child sucked out of her womb, and here I am, being convicted of watching chickens fight.”” Goddamn. I mean, just goddamn. You’re being tried in a federal court on animal cruelty charges and you just can’t resist making us look just a little tiny bit worse, can you?

Granted, most people are sane. Most people are normal. But Mr. Valiant Feathered Warriors, fuck you. You are not helping. Goddamn it, it just makes me feel too sad and tired to really bring up the vitriol.

2

In my mind, I don’t associate South Carolina with cockfighting or animal cruelty in general. The image it brings to my mind (and I readily admit my ignorance, since I’ve never been there) is one of a Southern, strongly conservative state, that’s had its share of problems with racism in its history; but if you ask me to name a place in the US that’s poor and underdeveloped I’d be more likely to name Mississippi or Louisiana than South Carolina. (And once again, I’m speaking out of ignorance, and I know there are rich, developed cities in these states, and I know they have a long cultural tradition.)

As for the “porch-dwelling banjo players of questionable genetic diversity”, I’d put them in West Virginia. But once again, I know that’s a stereotype.

And you didn’t give us a link to the article (or is it in a paper newspaper?), but the comment section of online newspaper article is always filled with the ramblings of morons. Always. What I read there makes me cringe as well, especially when I find the one comment that I agree with and feel is even-handed, and then see it’s attracted two thumbs-up and 25 thumbs-down. Yes, something like that happened to me recently. But as my friend says, it attracts people who enjoy complaining.

3

I live about 2 miles from the SC border. The road that crosses the state line at that point is nicely paved on the NC side, but turns into a combination of potholes and loose gravel once you pass the sign that says “Welcome to South Carolina!” Just sayin’. :smiley:

4

Hey, I grew up in a state that didn’t ban cockfighting until a few years ago. But to be fair, it is the USC Gamecocks, and Valiant Feathered Warriors would be a great name for a band.

5

Goooooooo Gamecocks!

Oy.

6

I associate South Carolina with muggy heat and Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, who on the way into Myrtle Beach seemed to have his name plastered over everything.

Oh, and Myrtle Beach.

It does seem unfair that those Ay-rabs can blow up everything, and this guy is getting perseecuted for watching chickens fight.

7

Yes, but South Carolina does have its good points, too.

1 - Cheap Liquor
2 - Cheap gas
3 - Fireworks.

That’s all I can come up with.

8

Forgive me…I have to:

9

And all in one convenient location!

10

Yes - you’ve got to love how the cheap liquor store shares the parking lot with the giant firework store.

11

Zsofia, I don’t know if it eases your mind at all, but my knowledge of South Carolina is essentially limited to occasionally being reminded that such a place exists. The news that it apparently contains some eejits isn’t going to make me think less of your (presumably) fine state in comparison to any other area of the world in space.

Eejits appear to be universal.

12

Know why? Because NC paves every shit-stained cow path, but didn’t think a four-lane road to the coast was a priority until the friggin 80’s.

NC is god’s country, but I had to deal with the boasting of their transportation commissioner for the first half of my life. Meanwhile, it took us the better part of a day to cover what should have been a 3 hour stretch of highway.

13

Now, now - worry not about being “south of Jesse Helms” as a SC fugitive friend of mine ( born and raised in Camden ) used to like to joke. Did you know that one section of South Carolina’s coastal plain supports more species of frog ( 25 ) than anywhere else in the United States? It’s true. And that southern Appalachia in general, including SC’s Blue Ridge escarpment region, is the WORLD center for diversity in salamander species? It is.

So I say forget about your valiant feathered warriors and instead embrace your froggy superiority and revel in your amphibious glory, South Carolina!

14

Zsofia, eventually you will have to accept the fact that the vast majority of your neighbors are mouth-breathing morons. Just take comfort in the fact that the rest of us have the same issue.

15

I didn’t know about the cockfighting in South Carolina, either. When I think of South Carolina, I think of Stephen Colbert, a rude politician, a suspicious candidate, a particularly amusing sex scandal, other sex scandals, and more sex scandals. Oh, and my grandparents used to live there. It’s beautiful.

16

The only real awareness I have of SC is that my son is attending the navy nuke tech school there. So while some portion of the population may be “porch-dwelling banjo players of questionable genetic diversity”, they are by no means the majority.

At least I’m pretty sure they’re not the ones training our fine young men and women to work on our nuclear reactors.

17

Come on, Zsofia. You don’t actually expect us to believe you a South Carolina native, do you?

I mean, you can obviously use a computer.
I kid, I kid. I’ve got family down there. My two cousins, brother and sister.
And their daughter.

18

Let’s not forget that South Carolina is home to the World’s Most Alluring Horse.

19

You mean the long cultural tradition of cock fighting?

Hell, I’m impressed that she knows what a computer IS, and that the state allows residents to have them.

I’m a little confused. Are your two cousins ALSO your brother and sister?

20

I have relatives all over the Carolinas. Loons, every one of them. Going back 20 generations or more.

Zsofia, if I were you I’d be more concerned about what you people do to BBQ than I would be about some chickens mixing it up.