That is not how you’re supposed to use a stapler!!
My current job (Friday is my last day, thankfully) is doing data entry for a government organization. It’s convinced me that the higher up the paygrade you go, the more idiotic you get. What I do is take big stacks of paperwork that’ve already been checked and edited for validity by other people who get paid more than I do, and type various stuff into a computer program. More often than not the pages are back-to-back. These documents are anywhere from two to twenty or so pages long.
Now, one would assume that for such things, the standard formula of “one staple in the top-left corner” would be used, right? Right.
So, listen up, you little government-addled doofs: STOP USING FIVE STAPLES PER DOCUMENT. For one, that’s wasteful. Two, that makes my job A LOT FUCKING HARDER. When you put a staple in the top left corner, then midway down the page on the left, then one midway across the page on the top, and then another one across the top, you fuck things up for those of us in data. Ever notice that books are bound ON ONLY ONE SIDE? That’s because if you effectively seal a stack of paper on two sides, YOU CAN’T READ BEYOND THE FIRST PAGE without MANGLING it.
What’s the big deal, you may ask? Just grab a staple-remover and fix the problem yourself? Well, A) I don’t have a staple remover, they won’t give me one, and I’m not about to go buy one. B) I’m supposed to be entering both a certain number of documents and a certain number of keystrokes per hour. It’s a lot, which wouldn’t be a big problem - if they factored ‘idiotic staple spewers’ into the formula used to calculate how good I am at my job. They don’t think "Oh, some jerkdribble in edit might PUT A FUCKING STAPLE THREE INCHES FROM THE NEAREST EDGE OF THE PAPER, because they are idiots, and that might slow down the data entry’. No, they think ‘type fast’, so it reflects badly on me when I’m slow. C) Once I pry the pages apart from the shiny fastner that Mr. Grits-for-brains kindly put there entirely needlessly, there likely will be a hole in the page. That’s what happens when you use a tool to poke holes in paper. If this is, say, running down the side of a front-and-back document, it may obscure the VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION on the back of that document. When I can’t read what the numbers are I can’t enter them, which both slows down my keystrokes and reduces my accuracy.
So, to those fine stapler-wielding turdmuffins: YOUR STAPLER IS NOT PAC-MAN. You do not get points for the more things you chomp down on. You’re not going to get a bonus on your paycheck if you put five staples on one document, nor do you get creativity or artistry awards when you differ from the norm, such as stapling the BOTTOM of the page in addition to the top. There is no reason why any emotionally healthy adult would use a stapler in such a manner. STOP IT, fuckers. ONE staple, TOP LEFT CORNER. That’s ALL.