Stop it.

The BBQ Pit
41

Stop singing for Godsake. You can’t sing,and you are always off by 1/2 a second. And when I am quiet, it means I am doing something, it does not mean that I suddenly stopped loving you. Stop coming up with all these damn harebrained schemes. You never do any of them anyway, but like to yell at me to do all the paperwork and research for you. And stop pouting. When I pout, that’s one thing, I get over it if you will just leave me alone. But then you have to get mad because I am pouting and then everything is all you. And no talking during Sopranos, Buffy, Angel or Gilmore Girls. Thats all I get to watch besides fucking cooking shows, home improvement shows or cartoons, so just shut the fuck up. And why am I the one that always has to clean up the dog shit? And why is it always my fault when it happens? Hell, I’d clean up LESS shit it I had a full time job at the fucking zoo. And could you kids be any more lazy? Hell, I wake you up an hour before the bus comes, and you still never make on time. I have to beg you to clean up after yourselves.

And all you stuck up “PTA” moms, would it fucking kill you to say “thank you” every once in a while? Where are your goddamn manners? You think your shit doesn’t stink? And if you are going to drive those monster trucks, then at least learn how to park the damn things so you don’t hit my car with your fucking door. And quit parking your goddamn grocery carts in the middle of the goddamn aisle. You fucking inconsiderate bitch. It’s not your own personal grocery store. And to the parents of the boys in my scout troop, FUCK YOU. I am not here to babysit your kids. You know how your kid is at home, what makes you think he will be any different somewhere else? Not once did any of you worthless fuckwads bother to ask if I needed any help, you don’t bother to call when you can’t make it to a scout function, you expect ME to do everything because you are so busy. Well listen up jerkoffs, I am just as busy, if not busier, than you, and I still manage to donate MY VALUABLE TIME to your kid.

42

Stop shedding all over the place for chrissakes! I gotta vacuum twice a week because of you! And stop shitting so goddamned much! Scooping that cat litter has become a real chore, not to mention I need a gas mask to do it. Furthermore, why is it that when I want to pet you, you run away, but when I’m busy working you come over and beg for attention. No begging! That incessant meowing can drive a person up a wall! And if it’s not too much trouble, stop freaking out over the slightest noise! We’ve lived downtown for over two years now! You should be used to all the racket. And why did I even buy you all those cat toys? You seem to get hours of enjoyment from a fuckin’ cardboard box!

And stop staring at me!

43

Stop peeking between your blinds to see what I’m doing outside every time you hear my door slam. Stop sneaking up behind me as I’m walking the dog at 11:30 at night to ask me what I’m doing. WTF does it look like I’m doing?

Stop thinking that, because we’re neighbors, you can take it upon yourself to “improve” my yard because “obviously” :rolleyes: I couldn’t possibly want to keep my rosebushes. No, I’d rather have the bell peppers you decided to plant in MY flower beds! Stop taking note of what time I leave, what time I come home, what kind of groceries I’m carrying in, and what kind of takeout food I have delivered! That’s just creepy! :mad: