Stop licking yourself!!!

The BBQ Pit
1

I can hear it… it permeates my mind… echoing throughout my skull… driving me mad…

::slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp…::

Now, as I pull out my lovely locks of hair and scream my esophagus raw from the maddening frustration of your tongue-oriented version of Chinese water torture, may I just ask a single, simple question?

What is it about that one square inch patch of your body that is so goddamned interesting?!?

What sort of benefit can you get for drawing your tongue across the same spot for hours on end?!? Is it pleasurable? Does it fulfill some sort of odd religious ritual? Are you trying to beat some sort of World Record? Or are you just trying to act like an idiotic, moronic, catatonic, slam-dunking motherfucking dumbshittin’ hunk of worthless annoyance-inducing vaginally-smegmatic bucket o’ hot French semen stew?!?

I’m at the computer, posting Star Wars crap here on the SDMB, and, inevitably, unvariably, I hear it! “The slurping of that hideous tongue!”, as Edgar Allen Poe would say! I scream, “Stop that infernal slurping, you dingle-berried doofus!” I pound my keyboard, I kick the walls, I slap my amply-sized genitals upside the head of a drunk Algerian moose, but NO!! Nothing works!!! You just keep right on slurping!!!

GAAAAAAH!!!

[sub]Oh, by the way, this is about my dog…[/sub]

2

My dog must be coming over to your place and sharing the torture. That is one of those things that drives me right up the freaking wall!
And when I yell at him to “STOP THAT!!!”, he gives me the big, sad eyes. WTF???

Zette

3

If you could do it, would you stop? :slight_smile:

Then there’s the old joke…

Guy walks into a bar. There’s another guy sitting at the bar with a big ol’ ugly mutt laying at his feet. The dog begins to slurp himself. The first guy says, “I wish I could do that.” The guy at the bar says, “Well, OK, but you’d better pet him first.”

4

Huh? What?

Oh!.. sorry 'bout that… I didn’t know anyone was watching…

:smiley:

5

What’s really shy-making is when one of my cats starts enthusiastically “playing the cello” while company is over . . .

6

Teach it Viola. They’re a better size for a cat.

7

You know why dogs lick their balls, don’t you?

'Cuz they can.

8

I had an uncle that went a little mental and thought he was a dog. Unfortunately he was run over by an eighteen wheeler when he stopped to lick his balls in the middle of the road.

9

One of my cats is a domestic longhair, and so she’s got extra-long hair between her toes. One of my new nicknames for her is “Slurpy” because when she starts cleaning her toes, she goes to town! I guess she has to, because her hair is so long, but criminetly! She also likes to start her ablutions while laying at the foot of the bed, when I have settled down and am trying to fall asleep. Now THAT is annoying. <Roll over, snuggle, Sigh> “Licklicklick,slurpsluuurp,licklicklick,sluuurp” At which point I either sit up and tell her to stop, or push her off the bed with my foot. Either way she gives me a look like, “What? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Playing the cello” Eve, I like that!!

10

Lord help me, here I go posting in the Pit again.

An animal who licks at the same spot for hours on end is displaying abnormal behavior. According to the manual I have before me, this is known as “displacement activity”. It further says that some animals will lick so much that they will make themselves bald in several spots which is known as “displacement alopecia”. Not sure why animals do this but it may be a response to stress or anxiety.

Bottom line, it sounds like you need to take your pooch to the vets’ and let the professionals decide the best course of action.

11

Some friends of mine had two cats.

You think a pet licking themselves is bad.

12

Apparently, if you’re a cat, this one little patch of skin on my left elbow is DELICIOUS!

13

minlokwat, perhaps you should stop over and check it out in person. Believe me when I tell you, there is nothing wrong with my dogs. Not only do they lick THEMSELVES repeatedly (and with much enjoyment, believe me), they lick each OTHER, too. Very creepy either way. They look like they’re in heaven while they’re doing it, and get very pissed when asked to stop (via a yell or a shoe).

Zette

14

SPOOFE if you could lick your genitals, would’nt you?*
[sub]*Provided they’re clean[/sub]

15

minlokwat, my little kitty Missy does this. Bald spots. Not too big, but yuk. We keep taking her to the vet, they give her a shot, it gets better, but then eventually she starts it again.
She’s just a petite delicate flower, and lets things stress her out too much.

16

Just promise me that you won’t let your dog anywhere near the toothbrush or the toothpaste SPOOFE. Please.

17

does your dog have a worn spot where he/she licks? That would be called a “Lick granuloma”. According to my vet, when they do that it releases endorphins and makes them happy. But of course, it’s damned irritating and not goof for their skin.

One possibility would be for you to play with your dog more. Take him for a long walk, go to the park and throw a ball or something. That behavior is generally indicative of boredom. Your dog is not entertained by watching you tyhpe on the SDMB. Do sumthin’ for HIS amusement.

stoid
(or hers…I didn’t notice)

18

So…this isn’t an autobiography…?

19

Yer jealous, ain’tcha, SPOOFE?

20

I don’t have too much of a problem with my dogs licking themselves. I do however have a HUGE problem with them licking EVERYTHING ELSE! My border-collie mutt licks my bedspread with such enthusiasm, the whole bed shakes and I have to kick him off. I have to wash the damn thing every other day!